The Dangerous Partner Profile

The Rev. Dave Carder recommends taking note of the type of person you are attracted to, and being doubly careful when you interact with someone who fits that profile.

1. Keep in mind the fact that everyone has an internal age that's different from their chronological development, so internally, you might yearn to be in your early 20s, and be attracted to someone in that age group.
2. You may be attracted to a certain personality style that you admire, that you wish your spouse had.
3. You may be attracted to someone who shares your hobbies and interests (that don't interest your spouse).
4. You may be attracted to a certain type of attachment pattern — for example, you like being wooed and pursued by an ardent admirer.
5. Perhaps there's a deficit in your family of origin. Maybe you've never had a dad in your home to mentor you or encourage you. Maybe your mom was a single mom and so busy that she didn't have time to nurture you. So you might be attracted to fatherly or motherly persons.
6. Maybe there's a marital void, a long-standing emptiness in the marriage that just makes you vulnerable to somebody who wants to provide it.

Excerpted from the Focus on the Family broadcast "Friendship or Flirtation: Danger Signs for Couples" featuring the Rev. Dave Carder, author of Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage. Click here for more information about the broadcast.