Radical Feminism Shortchanges Boys

November 2004

Dear Friends,

A warm June greeting to you! The lazy days of summer are upon us, and I trust that they will provide many of you with the opportunity to spend some quality time with your loved ones, either at home or on vacation. Perhaps you will also have a chance to pursue some of your favorite hobbies or activities in the coming weeks.

Whether on the beach or in an air-conditioned room away from the sun's rays, I know that many people enjoy catching up on their reading during the summer. In that spirit, I'd like to devote this month's letter to another excerpt from Bringing Up Boys. This chapter, titled "Men R Fools," deals with the negative male stereotypes being perpetuated by our culture. The original chapter runs more than 7,000 words, but in the interest of space, this excerpt has been hacked down to less than 2,000. If you want "the rest of the story," be sure to find a copy of Bringing Up Boys!

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It is impossible to understand what is happening to our kids today, both male and female, without considering the influence of feminist ideology. Swirling out of it was an attack on the very essence of masculinity. Everything that had been associated with maleness was subjected to scorn. Men who clung to traditional roles and conservative attitudes were said to be too "macho." If they foolishly tried to open doors for ladies or gave them their seats on subways, as their fathers had done, they were called "male chauvinist pigs." Women presented themselves as victims who were "not gonna take it anymore," and men were said to be heartless oppressors who had abused and exploited womankind for centuries. Divorce skyrocketed as a surprising number of women simply packed up and left their husbands and children.

Although these early feminists called attention to some valid concerns that needed to be addressed, such as equal pay for equal work and discrimination in the workplace, they went far beyond legitimate grievances and began to rip and tear at the fabric of the family. By the time the storm had blown itself out, the institution of marriage had been shaken to its foundation, and masculinity itself was thrown back on its heels. It has never fully recovered.

Feminist Karla Mantilla summarized the philosophy behind it in an article entitled "Kids Need 'Fathers' Like Fish Need Bicycles." She wrote, "I submit that men tend to emphasize values such as discipline, power, control, stoicism and independence. Sure, there can be some good from these things, but they are mostly damaging to kids (and other living things). They certainly made my son suffer an isolated and tortured existence until he began to see that there was a way out of the trap of masculinity."1

The trap of masculinity? That is the way many feminists view maleness. A centerpiece of this hostility is seen in an ongoing effort to convince us that "Men are fools." It claims that the majority of males are immature, impulsive, selfish, weak and not very bright. It is interesting to note, for example, how disrespect for men pervades the entertainment industry, including many television commercials. The formula involves a beautiful woman (or a bevy of them) who is intelligent, sexy, admirable and self-assured. She encounters a slob of a man, usually in a bar, who is a braggadocio, ignorant, balding and overweight. The stupid guy, as I will call him, quickly disgraces himself on screen, at which point the woman sneers or walks away.

So what is going on here? Is it possible that men, especially male beer drinkers and sports-car enthusiasts, actually like being depicted as dumb, horny, fat, nerdy and ugly? Apparently they do. We also have to assume that guys are not offended when they are made the butt of a thousand jokes. But why? Women would not tolerate that kind of derision. You'll note that the polarity of the stupid guy ads is never reversed. Not in a million years would you see a corpulent, unattractive woman lusting after a good-looking man who shows disdain for her as she does something ridiculous. Men, however, don't seem to notice that the joke is on them.

Television sitcoms also blast away at traditional masculinity, much like a wrecking ball crashing into a building. After enough direct hits, the structure begins to crumble. There is not a single example, as I write, of a healthy family depicted on network programming that includes a masculine guy who loves his kids and is respected by his wife. None!

Invariably, sitcoms today feature at least one gay or lesbian character, who is cast in a sympathetic role. It is a powerful force in the culture. One overriding goal of homosexual activists is to influence the next generation and to recruit children to their movement, if not to their lifestyle. The fallout, however, is devastating. How can impressionable boys and young men possibly discern what it means to be a heterosexual male, let alone a dedicated and disciplined husband and father, when this tripe is fed to them every night and when their own dads are nowhere to be found?

I could fill a book with other examples of man-bashing in today's culture. Chief among them is the curricula of university women's studies programs whose central theme is hatred and ridicule of men. Roger Scruton, author of "Modern Manhood," explained what is happening to perceptions of masculinity. "Feminists have sniffed out male pride wherever it has grown and ruthlessly uprooted it. Under their pressure, modern culture has downgraded or rejected such masculine virtues as courage, tenacity and military prowess in favor of more gentle, more 'socially inclusive' habits."2 Corporate psychologist Dr. Tim Irwin, vice president of Right Management Consulting, has observed these same trends in business settings. They have resulted in what he calls "the feminization of the workplace." Irwin said the effort to end sexual harassment and discrimination, which has been a legitimate concern that needed to be addressed, has placed great political power in the hands of women. A man's career can be ruined by even the implication, valid or invalid, that he has treated a female employee disrespectfully.

The bottom line is that many men have lost their compass. Not only do they not know who they are, they're not sure what the culture expects them to be … It is time that men acted like men-being respectful, thoughtful and gentlemanly to women, but reacting with confidence, strength and certainty in manner. Some have wimped out, acting like whipped puppies. Others have boldly spoken out against feminist influence, refusing to be intimidated by the advocates of political correctness. Some have lashed out, reacting with anger and frustration. Some have flamed out, resorting to alcohol, drugs, illicit sex and other avenues of escape. Some have copped out, descending into mindless TV, professional sports and obsessive recreational activities. Some have sold out, becoming advocates of the new identity. Some have simply walked out, leaving their families in a lurch. Many, however, seem placidly unaware that they have lost their places in the culture. The result is a changing view of manhood with far-reaching implications for the future of the family.

Please let me give the greatest emphasis to this point: Not only do radical feminists and elitists tell us that men are fools but that boys are fools too. Journalist Megan Rosenfeld said that our sons are seen as "politically incorrect." "[They] are the universal scapegoats, the clumsy clods with smelly feet who care only about sports and mischief."3 Harvard psychologist William Pollack said women consider boys to be creatures who might "infect girls with some kind of social cooties."4

No discussion of boy-bias would be complete without addressing the discrimination against males now evident in American public education. William Pollack said succinctly, "It sounds terrible to say, but coeducational public schools have become the most boy-unfriendly places on earth. It may still be a man's world. But it certainly isn't a boy's world."5

Christina Hoff Sommers, the most passionate and effective defender of boys, echoed these concerns in her outstanding book The War against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men. She says this is a bad time to be a boy in America because of the bias against them in our educational institutions.6 This hostility found its manifesto in an inaccurate and terribly biased report written and released in 1992 by the ultraliberal American Association of University Women (AAUW). It was titled How Schools Shortchange Girls, and it resulted in years of discrimination against boys. Indeed, if your child is attending a government school today, it is likely that this political statement is still influencing his or her classroom experience. Its impact on American education has been profound.

This report described the typical classroom as a hellhole for girls, claiming that they were disadvantaged in every way. It asserted that female students are invisible, ignored, disrespected and denied their share of educational resources. The most widely disseminated finding was that teachers permit boys to speak or participate eight times more often than they do girls, but as with the rest of the conclusions, this turned out to be pure nonsense. Their data was based on an old 1981 study that actually said boys are reprimanded eight times more often than girls,7 and that three-fourths of both girls and boys said they thought teachers compliment girls more often, think they are smarter, and would rather be around female students.8 That level of distortion was evident throughout the AAUW report.

Although the report has been widely discredited now in the professional community for what it was — a blatant attempt to skew educational resources away from boys and to characterize girls as victims — the damage had been done. It resulted in an unfair distribution of available resources that continues to this day.

The result of this de-emphasis on boys has now had its predictable effect. Girls are closing the gap on boys, and indeed, more of them are attending math and science classes than boys.9 Those were the last bastions of masculine strength academically because of the way male brains are designed. Not even that physiological advantage can overcome the "stacked deck" in public education.10

How about private initiatives such as the much-vaunted Take Our Daughters to Work Day? Tell me why boys should not be introduced to the workplace too. Can you think of any good reason for leaving boys at home each year on April 22 while their sisters are being shepherded around the office or factory? Wouldn't it be reasonable, and much fairer, to suggest that parents take both their boys and girls to work occasionally? But who is out there promoting such an egalitarian idea? Boys have few advocates in government, media, or public education to articulate their needs. It is wrongheaded and discriminatory. Basing rights and privileges on gender is a zero-sum game. When one sex is favored dramatically in the culture, the other is destined to lose.

It should be clear now why I have devoted this chapter to a review of feminist ideology and the postmodern philosophy from which it has sprung. It is because the proponents of these misguided and harmful ideas have become social engineers who are determined to reorder the way children think and to browbeat boys for being who God made them to be. That agenda is spelled out in a single sentence within the AAUW report that reads, "School curricula should deal directly with issues of power, gender politics and violence against women."11 What this means is that boys are perceived by liberals as dysfunctional little troublemakers who grow up to be abusive and selfish men. They need to be "fixed" while they are young by reordering the way they think. And government schools are the instruments designated to straighten them out.

Please understand that I have nothing but respect and admiration for girls and women. I have been happily married to the "love of my life" for more than 40 years and have articulated the needs and concerns of women in several of my previous books. Nevertheless, I have to call it as I see it. And as I see it, boys are desperately in need of friends.

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Indeed, we as parents are raising the next generation of men who will either lead with honor and integrity or abandon every good thing they have inherited. They are the bridges to the future. Nations that are populated largely by immature, immoral, weak-willed, cowardly and self-indulgent men cannot and will not long endure. The presence of a father — or, at least, another responsible male role model — is a critical component in the life of a boy. Without such influence, disastrous consequences — such as homosexuality — may follow.

In my April letter, I talked about the issue of same-sex "marriage" and the efforts of gay activists and others within the culture to redefine traditional marriage. The wrong-headed notion that children can thrive in a same-sex family (i.e., an environment in which they are intentionally robbed of either a mother or father) is just one more way that our culture is diminishing the natural, innate differences between the sexes and leaving boys confused about their masculinity. In light of this ongoing assault on men, we are left to ask, "What does true masculinity look like?"

That is a complex question, and space limitations prevent me from offering a full treatment of the issue here. Suffice to say that the physiological and emotional characteristics of a typical male are dramatically and intrinsically different than those of the typical female. Males tend to be more aggressive, more assertive and more inclined to lead. When the male psyche functions as intended, it is sensitive to the needs of women and loving to children. The masculine temperament lends itself to two major responsibilities: to protect and to provide for the man's family.

Despite the fact that men were designed by their Creator to fulfill these critical and unique roles, our culture remains resolute in its determination to strip away the very essence of what it means to be a man. If you're a father, I urge you to do everything within your power to model healthy masculinity for your son. And if you're a single mom, please make every effort to find healthy male role models for your boys, perhaps at church or through your extended family. If you leave it to the schools and the media to teach your son what it means to be a man, you will be subjecting your precious little one to potentially irreparable harm.

Before closing, I'd like to offer a word of appreciation to all of the mothers out there. My letter this month highlights the importance of male role models in conjunction with Father's Day, and I'm aware that my May letter emphasized issues related to our military, rather than highlighting a Mother's Day theme. So let me say it now: whether you're a single mom or married, and whether your children are preschoolers or college graduates, I want to commend you for the irreplaceable role you play in nurturing and shaping the next generation. May God richly bless you for the sacrifices you make each day on behalf of the precious children He has entrusted to your care.

Finally, to all of my readers, thank you for your continued feedback and support. The ministry of Focus on the Family thrives on two-way communication with its audience, and I hope you know how deeply we appreciate those of you who have taken the time to get in touch with us. And if we haven't heard from you in a while, please drop us a line, won't you? Grace and peace to you all.

Sincerely,

James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
Founder and Chairman