Parenting Girls

February 2008

Dear Friends:

This month I’m going to do something that I have not done in any of my monthly letters over the years, or in any other forum, for that matter. I’d like to share with you a brief passage from a book project that is very much still a work in progress. I have often shared chapters and excerpts from my published books, but the following passage comes from a volume that is still in the early stages of gestation.

I have hinted about this latest endeavor, Bringing Up Girls, for the last several years, and you may have heard me talking about it. I’m currently in the California desert, slaving away on my Mac laptop and pouring over more than 3,000 pages of research and notes. My broadcasting team is coming out, along with guests, to prepare programs for our listening audience. We have a small studio here in the desert that is equipped with a high density-telephone line, called an ISDN, that is surprisingly effective. It is amazing what is possible electronically in this day.

Writing this particular book has been one of the most complex projects I have ever worked on. I have spent more than two years researching, reading and exploring the topic already. So much important new information has been generated in my academic field, which is child and adolescent development, and I wanted to do my homework before writing. Mothers and fathers of girls need all the help they can get in light of the challenges that the culture is imposing on the home. I’m hoping to finish the manuscript this summer, with an eye toward releasing the book in 2009. My deepest appreciation goes to my patient friends at Tyndale House publishers, who have allowed me the time necessary to conduct research for the book and get everything just right. It’s been a daunting task.

You may recall that my earlier book, Bringing Up Boys, endeavored to explain what makes boys “tick” and outlined some of the cultural obstacles young males face in our modern world. It sold a million copies in the first year. Upon the book’s release, I immediately began hearing from parents asking, “What about a volume dedicated to girls?” At the time, I was convinced that the challenges facing boys in the 21st century were of greater concern and significance than those facing girls. Now, having researched the issue extensively, it is clear that girls are in as much trouble as boys. Their parents face the overwhelming task of trying to help them navigate through the cultural wasteland. That’s what Bringing Up Girls is about.

I’m passionate about this project, and anxious to share my thoughts as the manuscript continues to take shape. Here, then, is a very brief teaser from the first chapter of Bringing Up Girls.

…Our children desperately need us to guide their steps and set reasonable boundaries to protect them.

Those who are deprived of that protection and guidance remind me of little bunny rabbits running through the meadow, unaware that owls and coyotes and bears and hawks are out there trying to catch and tear them apart. At times it seems as though every predator in the field is after those same cute little creatures. You, mom and dad, are their only defenders. Your public school can’t be counted on to do what is clearly your responsibility. Not even your church can save them. It is trying to counter a culture much farther gone into moral decline than the world into which we were born. Meeting together with teens on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights is helpful, but not enough. You, however, can provide the care and guidance that is needed, and most importantly, you can fill the void that will otherwise send your bright-eyed kids into the meadow alone in a desperate search for nurturance and the warm company of other bunnies.

I should tell you that the passion I feel for the subject at hand is related to the daughter who still calls me “Dad.” She is grown now, but I love her like when we were first introduced in the delivery room. Something electric occurred between us on that mystical night. It endures today. When Danae was three years old, I was a professor of pediatrics at a medical school and a researcher at a large children’s hospital. Five days a week, I would prepare to leave with my briefcase for the long drive to work. Typically, Danae would cry. She didn’t want me to go. I would give her a big hug and promise to hurry home that afternoon, but she was inconsolable. I can still see this precious kid standing in the doorway crying as I drove down the street. Danae was particularly upset one morning as I explained again why Daddy had to go to work. Her beautiful blue eyes welled up with tears and she said sorrowfully, “It’s alright Daddy. I forgive you.”

How could I, and indeed, how could you, allow ourselves to get so busy with the cares of life that we would leave our vulnerable little boys and girls unprotected from evil influences? How could we fail to give them the love and attention that they crave? And how could we send them into a dangerous world without laying a secure foundation to hold them steady? No other priority comes close to this responsibility to raise our children, as Solomon said, “in the way [they] should go. (Proverbs 22:6, NIV).”

This is where we will head in the pages that follow.

We will be offering approaches, answers, solutions, and recommendations that have stood the test of time. Our focus will be on the roles of mothers and fathers and peers and teachers and boys. We’ll deal with all ages from babyhood to adulthood, and will consider the land mines that surely lie ahead. We’ll review the tyranny of beauty, the search for self-worth, burgeoning sexual awakening, single parenting, emotional development, the gender wars, the dangers of pornography, and the predators that prowl the Internet looking for victims. They are the ultimate killers in the meadow.

Most importantly, we will talk about spiritual training at home, and why moral purity must be taught in the preschool years. Therein lies our hope. There is so much to be said here. Nearly 3,000 pages of research have been accumulated in preparation for this book. It is my 33rd. I have not sat down to write again simply because it is time to do it once more. What I will share with you, moms and dads, has become my obsession. I get a great lump in my throat when I think of those precious kids who know so little about life, and are falling into the snares of a twisted value system that will set them up for lifelong sorrow. It need not be so.

I pray that we, you and I, can at least save some of them, your child included.

My prayer is that the Lord will use Bringing Up Girls to help empower and encourage moms and dads charged with the formidable task of helping their young girls navigate our dangerous world. Although much of the information will be unsettling and even disturbing, I believe the book will also offer the hope that is found in the biblical truths upon which the family is founded and in the passing along of faith from one generation to the next.

In short, I hope that when the book is released next year, those who have been anticipating it will feel that it was worth the wait. Thanks to those of you who have been patiently bearing with me during this process. (It’s worth noting that a girl born when Bringing Up Boys was released would now already be in second grade. Some of my colleagues have suggested that if I delay much longer, I might have to call the new book Bringing Up Middle Aged Women!) Please know that I’m working hard, and that the finish line is in sight. If you think of it, would you please pray for this editorial effort and ask the Lord to guide and direct my writing? Thank you for the consideration.

God’s blessings to each one of you. Your ongoing support for the ministry of Focus on the Family means so much to me and to the entire staff.

Sincerely,

James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
Founder and Chairman

P.S. Jim Daly and I shared on our Focus on the Family broadcast last December that our finances had been tight, and that the help of our friends would be appreciated. Many of you stepped up to the plate and helped us at the end of the year. Thank you! As we look ahead, we will continue to trust the Lord to provide the resources necessary to meet the needs of families in the United States and around the world. Thank you so much for continuing to stand with us. We are grateful for you all.