Discernment
What I Learned About My Students from MySpace
Social networking is big among teens. You might be surprised by what one youth leader learned when she joined in.
An interview with youth leader Beccy Thompson
Beccy Thompson has been involved in youth ministry since her own youth pastor trained her to lead her peers in high school. Beccy went on to earn a Bachelor of Science degree in Christian Education and has been working in the field since 1994, either as a volunteer or professionally. She’s been Director of Youth and Christian Education for a small church and Junior High Associate for a mega church. Now that Beccy’s a military spouse, she takes her ministry on the road with her as her family moves around the country. (She’s done youth ministry in six states and counting!) Beccy is wife to Andrew and mom to Seth and Gavin. She’s thankful that, so far, her boys are too young for MySpace.
We interviewed Beccy in November 2007 to find out what she's learned about the MySpace generation.
FAMILY.ORG: How important is MySpace and other social networking sites to the way teens communicate?
BT: I would say that these sites are very important. Almost every teen I know has a MySpace page, or Xanga, or Facebook. Regular e-mail is almost obsolete in their worlds. They post feelings, inside jokes, relationship updates, music and videos that are important to them, questionnaires about themselves — almost anything — on their sites.
FAMILY.ORG: What prompted you to get your own MySpace account?
BT: In the last place we lived, it was Xanga. Where I am now, all the students have MySpace accounts, so I got one. It’s a great window into their worlds. You can find out what they think and feel in an environment that is largely uncensored. You can find out about their friends and how they interact. You can find out what their interests are — what’s important to them. You can leave them messages and let them know how much you care about them.
It’s also heartbreaking to see how they speak to each other and how they post photos that are seductive. On that note, it’s also a good way to know how to pray for your students. Being on MySpace frequently burdens my heart and causes me to literally cry for these kids who will never get to experience the innocence of youth, who are lost and hurting, who are so fun and witty and intelligent and yet are so lost.
FAMILY.ORG: What things have you learned from your students on MySpace that you might not know about them otherwise?
BT: A lot of students use language online that they would never use around me or their parents. They regularly post questionnaires about themselves that give insight to what they think of themselves. Some of them have their personal interests all over their pages. I can often figure out who their closest friends are and see the rhythms of their relationships. They post pictures that demonstrate what kind of attention they’re looking for. I find out when they’re in new relationships. They post how their drama or sports events are going, and I can use those things to connect with them.
FAMILY.ORG: How have your teenage students reacted to your presence on MySpace? Are they glad you’re there? Resentful that an adult has invaded their space?
BT: My students seem to like getting messages from me. They let me know if they are coming to my house to lunch or when their drama performance or athletic event is. They check out new photos of my kids when I post them, and I think some of them read my blog entries. I get the impression that unless I contact them first, they are so involved with their friends that they don’t really care that I am online.
Sometimes I come across things my students don’t want me to see, but I have only once gotten a strong negative reaction. In that situation, after I talked to the girl she realized I wasn’t spying on her — just leaving her a message. She opened up about some things that she wouldn’t have mentioned if I hadn’t already seen her page.
FAMILY.ORG: Do you think parents are likely to get the same reaction you’ve gotten as a youth leader if they become a part of their teen’s social networking site?
BT: I think parents get a lot more intense reactions to being on their kids’ spaces. I am sure that those reactions run the gamut depending on the type of relationship they have with each other in the first place. Some parents do a good job of educating their teens about how to be safe online and regularly check that they are keeping the information on their pages appropriate. Those parents will also regulate Internet usage if it interferes with other things in the student’s life.
Other kids mistrust their parents and feel like they are spying on them, though I haven’t had a lot of personal experience with those situations. Unfortunately, most parents don’t seem to pay much attention to what their students do online.
FAMILY.ORG: Do you see your students engaging in any risky behavior on MySpace — whether they know it’s risky or not?
BT: Yes — mostly without thinking. They upload provocative photos, list where they live, post bulletins about their love lives, describe their interests, and give other personal details. Many of them will add anyone as a “friend” without regulating who has access to their page.
One teen lived with our family for a time. I sat down with her one day and showed her how someone could figure out from her page where she lived, worked and went to church, and what her schedule was — all from little details that she didn’t realize she was putting in her online page. She was a lot more careful after that, but I think a lot of students have no idea how much they put themselves at risk.
FAMILY.ORG: What advice would you give parents as they develop family guidelines for using social networking sites?
BT: Be the parent. Know what your kids are doing online. Let them know you are there to protect them and help them. Regularly check their site. Make sure they have boundaries in place to help them be safe. Regulate their use of the Internet, and restrict it if necessary. Don’t assume they are being responsible or that they know how to handle themselves online.
Pray for your kids. Pray for their friends. Be gracious and discerning, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Engage with your kids — they are too important for us to let them drift, hoping they will figure it out for themselves and come out OK.