You deserve a great deal of credit for your willingness to adopt a child from such a troubled background. Psalm 68:5 affirms that “God in His holy dwelling is a father to the fatherless …” It’s obvious that you’re acting on the basis of a heartfelt devotion for true righteousness – so we encourage you to move forward with your plans. But we also advise you to keep your eyes wide open.
We don’t offer that caution lightly. The first two years of life are critical for any child. Kids who are abused, neglected, or moved from caregiver to caregiver during this period can develop significant emotional and behavioral problems.
Some also suffer from a phenomenon known as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This condition is characterized by an inability to bond with others – even with adoptive parents who are loving and nurturing. Children with RAD may also exhibit aggressive tendencies and display little compassion or empathy for others.
But every situation is unique, and parents should be careful about labeling kids too quickly. The first two years are crucial. However, children who’ve been placed in good foster homes have a much better chance to thrive than those who haven’t.
A lot depends on the individual circumstances of the child you’re planning to adopt and the type of foster care he received after he was removed from his home. There’s no one-size-fits-all pattern. Some abused and neglected children are extremely resilient and display an amazing ability to bloom and grow once they’re settled in a stable environment.
We’d suggest that you gather as much information as you can from the child’s social worker. If possible, it would also be a good idea to talk to the foster parents. This will give you an idea of the kind of care he’s been receiving and whether or not he appears to have any emotional or behavioral problems.
Still, remember that problems of this nature aren’t necessarily reasons to forgo adoption. True healing comes from God, and Christian families are in the best position to provide that for a hurting child. If you do decide to adopt this little boy, it would be wise to consult with a psychologist who specializes in early childhood attachment. They can work with you, the current foster parents, and the social worker to help ease the transition from the foster care system to your home.
Call us. Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can provide you with a list of referrals to qualified child psychologists in your local area. They’d also be happy to discuss your plans with you at greater length over the phone.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
The Adoption Journey (includes lists of books, broadcasts, articles and referrals)
Adoption & Foster Care (resource list)
Fostering or Adopting Children From Difficult Backgrounds (resource list)
