Is it wise to try to put a broken marriage back together again? My ex-husband and I were divorced several years ago. Since that time he has become a Christian and his life has changed dramatically. As a result, we've been talking about getting remarried. Do you think this is a good idea?
Our answer is yes: we do think that remarriage is a good idea. But you have to make sure that you can avoid the problems that led to your divorce in the first place.
That, of course, is the really sticky part of your question. You didn't provide any details, but we assume that you and your ex-husband had some fairly serious "issues" in the past. It's wonderful to hear that he has become a believer and that his attitudes and behavior are being transformed by the power of Christ. But this doesn't necessarily mean that all your troubles are over. We suggest you move forward with caution. Experienced believers know that Christian growth is a slow and gradual process.
Jesus tells us that "a good tree produces good fruit" (Matthew 7:17). In light of your past concerns, it might be a good idea to make sure that you're seeing "good fruit" in your husband's life before you jump back into marriage. Don't set a date or establish a timeline until you're satisfied on this point. If you have children, they've already been impacted by your divorce. You certainly don't want to make matters worse by remarrying and then splitting up again if things don't work out.
What you need most right now is the help and guidance of an experienced marriage counselor. He or she can help you fully explore whether you are ready for remarriage and help you determine the best course of action. It might be especially helpful if you can find a counselor who is familiar with a relationship tool called " PREPARE/ENRICH ." This test will help you and your husband identify any lingering issues that you may need to address before moving ahead. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can supply you with a list of referrals to qualified marriage-and-family professionals in your area. You can reach our counselors at this number.
Before You Remarry (book)
Healing the Hurt (booklet)InYourMarriage
Love and Respect - This ministry offers materials, articles, and conferences designed to help those already married to enrich their relationship and for those considering marriage to prepare for the journey together.Book
Hope for Every Marriage (broadcast)
Couple Checkup - An online marriage assessment to assist couples in discerning their strengths and growth areas.
Marriage Alive - The Web site of Dave and Claudia Arp, a husband and wife team who strive to help couples build better marriages and families.
PREPARE/ENRICH - This organization offers programs to help couples prepare for marriage and to enrich the marriage of those already married.
Approaching the Wedding Day