My husband is recovering from pornography addiction. He’s making good progress, and our marriage is stronger than ever. But our kids are starting to ask questions about all the meetings we’ve been going to. I’m not sure what to say.
ANSWER:
You’re wise to resist the temptation to keep your kids in the dark about this serious issue in your marriage.
Some parents might simply lie about the meetings or offer vague explanations — do anything they could to sweep the whole thing under the rug. We commend your honesty and desire to do the right thing as a parent.
At the same time, we know you want to be careful to keep your children’s respective ages and levels of emotional maturity in mind. Whatever you do, handle the topic sensitively, and don’t overload the kids with unnecessary details.
How to talk to your kids
Lay a foundation for a healthy, biblical view of sexuality
Some moms and dads mistakenly believe that sex education is just a matter of having “the talk” when their kids are about to enter puberty. But the truth is that parents should begin discussing this subject with their children while they’re still very young.
So take some time to help your kids understand that God has created human beings in His image, male and female. Explain that men and women bring unique and complementary qualities to their relationships with one another. Let them know that our sexuality is a marvelous gift from the Creator. And according to God’s design, it can only be fulfilled and given true expression in a life-long, committed marriage or in celibacy.
Describe how Satan twists God’s good gift
Once you’ve laid the groundwork above, you can tell your kids that Satan is the great deceiver and that he does everything he can to twist and distort God’s intent for human sexuality. One of the ways he does this is by getting us to see other people as sexual objects who can gratify our own sexual desires instead of whole, valuable individuals made in God’s image.
Give your husband a chance to talk
Your husband can explain that he began to believe Satan’s lies about sex several years ago. And as a result, he started looking at inappropriate pictures of women. He can then share that he has since repented of his actions and asked your forgiveness, and that you have forgiven him.
Explain the meetings you go to
Say that the meetings you’ve been attending help husbands and wives who are dealing with the same problem. You can say that God uses other people to hold us accountable for our behavior and help us overcome temptation.
How to find ongoing support for you and your husband
In addition to a pornography recovery group, we encourage you and your husband to find a professional counselor who specializes in treating sexual addictions. (Groups like the one you participate in can offer a great deal of support. But it’s also critical to tackle the underlying issues that led to your husband’s porn addiction in the first place.)
Would you let us help? Call our Counseling department for a free over-the-phone consultation. Our staff would be glad to talk to you in more detail. They can give you a list of qualified therapists in your area who specialize in treating sexual addictions.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
How to Talk Confidently With Your Child About Sex
Men: Maintaining Sexual Purity
Referrals
Articles & Other Media
Sharing God’s Vision for Sexuality (parenting podcast)