I’ve finally realized that I have a serious problem with pornography addiction. But what makes it especially painful and shameful is that I’m a pastor of a local church. My ministry would be destroyed if anyone found out. I don’t know where to turn or who to talk to.
ANSWER:
It’s true: There’s a cloud of shame and secrecy around pornography addiction.
That’s why many people who struggle in this area never find the courage to get the help they need. And this is particularly true for someone in your position. You’re a respected spiritual leader who’s expected to exemplify the highest moral standards and give others wise guidance.
With this in mind, we applaud your bravery to reach out. We care deeply about you and want to walk with you in any way we can. Our staff counselors have asked us to remind you that you’re not alone. Many pastors and ministers wrestle with temptation in this area. Sexual addictions of all kinds are widespread. And it’s not just a male problem. It affects men and women, boys and girls, from every age group and all walks of life.
Understand the root of pornography addiction
Sexual addiction is relentless and escalates because it’s rooted in the basic human craving for relationship. In other words, porn is powerful because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment. Keep that in mind as you commit to freeing yourself from the lie that depersonalized sex can ultimately satisfy the longings of the human heart.
The good news is that you can find effective help in your battle against pornography addiction.
Learn how to win the battle
Start by getting professional counseling
If you’re married, go together with your spouse. The most successful treatment takes a family systems approach that involves an initial program of intensive therapy followed by regular and ongoing counseling sessions. (Another key to recovery is to identify a trusted friend or group of people who will provide support and accountability.)
Not sure where to turn? Our staff would be glad to give you referrals to programs like this or a list of qualified therapists in your area who specialize in treating sexual addictions. You can call our Counseling department for a free over-the-phone consultation.
Install accountability software
That’s not the ultimate answer to the complex problems you face, of course. However, accountability software like Covenant Eyes can play an important part in helping you keep tabs on online activities.
Find solid resources for ongoing support
For resources designed to encourage you in your role as a member of the clergy, visit our Church Resources webpage. It supports spiritual restoration and renewal for ministerial families.
We also offer a series of articles on Pornography and Virtual Infidelity. And you’ll find other resources and referrals below to guide you toward healing from porn addiction.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
Unburdened: The Christian Leader’s Path to Sexual Integrity
The Last Addiction: Why Self-Help Is Not Enough
False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction
Nothing to Hide: Hope for Marriages Hurt by Pornography and Infidelity
Digital Pornography Addiction: What You Need to Know and Where to Find Help
Overcoming Sexual Brokenness (resource list)
Referrals
Hope Restored® marriage intensives
