Feeling Invisible After 50?
Older women often find themselves overlooked in society. Find out what you can do about it.
A young cashier and his friend were having an animated chat, and the one friend was wildly waving a photo and pointing to it. What was wrong with this scene? I was stuck at the counter, waiting for my change and my coffee. I was obviously invisible to both of them. I know the cashier and his pal meant no harm. They were simply doing what young people do — paying attention to other young people.
I did the same thing when I was their age. When I began my career, I thought everyone at the company was young like me, but I discovered as the years passed that there were hundreds of employees who had been there 30 years or longer. I simply didn’t see them through my youth-clouded glasses.
“Invisible moments” are happening to me more frequently. When several occur in one day, I find myself checking the bathroom mirror to make sure I haven’t forgotten to put on my skin. Perhaps it has to do with ageism in our society, boomers not finding it necessary to boom quite so loudly anymore or just the preoccupations of busy and hurried people. Whatever the reason, I know I’m not ready to blend into the woodwork. If you aren’t either, here are a few ideas you might try for increased visibility:
• Conduct an attitude check. Do you accept your chronological age? I’m not referring to the negative perceptions about aging, but the reality of being 47 or 67. Hebrews 13:5 tells us, “Be content with what you have,” and some of us have many years. It’s taken me a while to come to terms with that fact. But the alternative — fighting the age factor — takes energy, a commodity better spent on something fun instead.
• Pursue activities that excite your heart and mind. You’ll meet others who have the same interests. Your knowledge and experience will be meaningful to them, and in turn, you’ll have a greater sense of confidence about your life. That will translate into a stronger personal presence — something people notice. (Even if you still perceive yourself as invisible to others, you’ll be too busy to care.)
• Laugh at life, enjoy each day, let go of grievances and learn from others. A series of invisible moments motivated me to develop these worthy virtues in myself. As I work on them, I’m beginning to suspect that a lot of my earlier visibility — the approving looks and affirmation I used to receive — was not due to my inner qualities but 1) an expensive hairstyle (not in the budget anymore); 2) designer clothes (also not in the budget); and 3) my overactive imagination.
• Reward the retailers who actually see you. Sure, complain to the management if the music is too loud, the displays appear confusing, the sales associates are uncaring. But it’s far more effective and easier if we compliment the employee who makes our shopping experience positive. Then patronize those stores frequently.
• Give recognition to people of all ages. Before my “invisible” older co-workers came into view, I have no doubt my eyes frequently shot past them to lock on to a peer with a wrinkle-free face and fashionable clothes. Moments like these divide generations. We must recognize the valuable contributions of all: discovery from the younger and wisdom from the older, innovation from newcomers and experience from the long-timers. Both the youthful and older are poorer without the other.
Everything I’ve learned from older colleagues has encouraged my maturity and professional development. Now, the high-octane spunk and optimism of children and teens lighten my heart and spirit. Why close ourselves off to others by not “seeing” them? It costs nothing to smile and say hi to people — no matter their age — letting them know that they are not invisible.