Is He the One?

They met through a Christian online dating service and were immediately attracted to each other. She had just come out of a broken relationship and was feeling lost. Her pastor and friends suggested she take things a bit slower. She didn’t understand their caution and questions, because, after all, if she met him through a Christian dating service, then he must be a Christian with good morals, right?

After a whirlwind courtship, he proposed and they planned their wedding. However, she began to have some uncertainty about the relationship. Should she postpone plans and take more time to get to know him better? She was afraid she might lose him.

Unfortunately, many single parents make the mistake of not paying attention to red flags about a potential mate. You need to seek God’s direction and evaluate a potential mate in many situations.

1. His spiritual walk. Look for evidence of spiritual fruitfulness. How often does he attend church? Is he in a Bible study? Does he serve in a ministry? Does he read his Bible and pray regularly? How important was his spiritual life before you met him?

2. What’s his character? Pay attention as you learn about his history, habits, goals, weaknesses and strengths. What’s important to him and what issues upset him?

Have you had the opportunity to face challenges together? If you’ve never had a conflict, take more time to get to know one another. How does he act when things don’t go his way? Does he have any addictions (or former ones)? With time, his true character will be revealed.

3. What’s his background? What off-the-cuff comments do his friends make about him and his past? What are his friends or children like? Spend time with his family. How does he treat his family members, and how do they treat him? If he is loving and respectful to his mother and sisters, this may indicate how he’ll treat you.

4. Can you communicate well with each other? Good communication is vital for a successful marriage. Premarital counseling can reveal potential problems in this area. While many couples skip counseling, it can help identify destructive patterns that can cause difficulties in marriage. Counseling is essential for people who have had broken relationships or marriages in the past.

5. Seek guidance. Listen to those who care about you. Carefully consider any advice they offer, especially if they show concern. Most important, don’t proceed with marriage until you have God’s peace about the relationship and confirmation from those who know you best. Don’t ignore reservations you have. Deal with all your concerns before committing to marriage.

6. What is your financial plan? Financial problems can cause undue stress on a marriage. Discuss each other’s current debt, credit history, spending and saving habits, and a budget. If your finances are complicated, then solicit the help of a financial planner.

7. How does he blend with your family? It’s wise to wait until the relationship has progressed to the early commitment stage before introducing him to your children. They may form premature attachments and be heartbroken if the relationship doesn’t work out.

After your children spend months getting acquainted with him, note any issues that may trouble your children. Do they like him? Remember, too, that if they object, it may not relate to your new love interest. Children sometimes have unrealistic expectations and continue to hope that their parents will reconcile—even if it’s no longer possible.

8. Why does he want to marry? Only God knows the true motives of a person’s heart, but usually some clues surface if something isn’t right. When you discover problems, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is trying to hide things from you; everyone has areas that need to be developed or changed.

On rare occasions, though, a person may want to marry for the wrong reason: to have a parent for his children, to find someone to take care of him or for financial gain. Ask God to help you discern any wrong motives.

Trust God’s Word and His guidance when making a decision about marriage. Don’t ignore the negative messages you get from a potential mate. The result could be a future of pain and further heartache.