Nine Ways to Help Struggling Marriages

Do you wonder how you can help friends and family members who are struggling in marriage? Here are some time-tested tips and resources to move them away from divorce court and toward reconciliation.

1. Pray for them by name. Ask God to intervene in their marriage and to give you the wisdom to help.
2. Listen. Listen by empathizing and expressing genuine interest.
3. Ease up on offering advice. Remember, your job is to listen. Unless your friend asks for your wisdom, leave the counseling to a pastor, psychologist or mentor.
4. Don’t make the problem worse. Don’t allow your support to be perceived as an encouragement for divorce but concentrate on promoting reconciliation. If addiction or abuse is involved, make sure the couple is safe, and then encourage them to seek professional help.
5. Help them find the appropriate assistance. Locate a qualified licensed Christian counselor in their area. You can ask your pastor or Christian medical doctor for a referral. Focus on the Family also provides a free counseling consultation, as well as a referral service to Focus-screened marriage therapists (Call 719-531-3400 ext. 7700).
6. Connect them with a mentor couple. If you don’t feel comfortable, call your pastor to locate a couple interested in mentoring.
7. Refer them to helpful Web sites. Find hundreds of articles, practical advice and resources on various marriage issues at troubledwith.com, family.org/marriage and pureintimacy.org. Focus also has a Marriage Forum (family.org/marriageforum) designed to provide couples with a safe place to discuss marital struggles and successes.
8. Encourage them to work on their problems and not expect issues to disappear. Focus offers an online Marriage Checkup (family.org/couplecheckup) that measures more than 18 major marriage areas and identifies marital strengths and weaknesses.
9. Refer them to solid Christian-based books and seminars. Check with local churches about upcoming marriage seminars, workshops and retreats. Visit family.org for marriage books, broadcast CDs and resources to strengthen their faith through relationship difficulties.