I [Re]Do

When Jim Skinner and Judi Opperman became engaged in 1977, they had no idea they’d say their marriage vows twice: once in 1978 and again in 2006. Divorce tore them apart, but they reconciled through the power of forgiveness. Here’s their story.

Another man and a baby

Judi had received infertility treatments without success, so at 42, she naturally assumed that pregnancy was out of the question. Now, as she stared at the results of the pregnancy test, she was stunned. What should have been a reason for jubilation sent terror through her heart.

She didn’t know if her husband, Jim, was the father.

After many struggles through a difficult relationship with Jim’s extended family, Judi had sought solace in the arms of another man. Now she didn’t know what to do.

Abortion was not an option, so she sought counsel from her pastor, who encouraged her to tell Jim the truth. Fully convinced of her sin, she braced herself for Jim’s response.

Judi was stunned: Jim wanted to stay married and agreed to raise the child. “We’ll raise it together as our very own,” he said. How can this man accept me and the baby after what I’ve done? she asked herself. “It hit me what this man was really like.”

Jim had long committed to always extend forgiveness to those who’d wronged him, but it still took time for his heart to match his will. The hurt weighed heavily on him and trust had to be rebuilt with his wife. Following her confession, Jim regularly prayed to have a Christlike love for Judi.

Heartbreaking loss

Four months later, Judi imagined what it would be like to play with her new child at their home in Bandera, Texas. The next morning, something didn’t feel right while she was at work, so she drove to the nearest hospital in San Antonio. An ultrasound confirmed what she feared — the baby had died. Judi wept the entire 50-mile trip home.

When she arrived, Jim helped his wife out of the car and listened to her cry until she couldn’t cry anymore. Naturally, it was difficult for Jim to extend compassion, but he made a choice, once again, to be like Christ. “I felt sorry for what she was going through,” he says, “and I still loved her.”

Divorce and reconciliation

Several years later, family pressures took their toll on Judi. She decided she could no longer tolerate the unhealthy meddling of Jim’s extended family. She left her husband in Texas and moved to Colorado.

“I know I didn’t do what God wanted me to,” Judi says. “I threw my Christian principles out the window and went against my better judgment, but I didn’t think I could take the problems anymore.”

Two years passed and Jim filed for divorce when he realized Judi wasn’t coming home. But the Skinners kept in touch, mostly by phone.

One winter evening, Judi drove cautiously along an unfamiliar Colorado road in a heavy snowstorm. Frightened and in need of comfort, she called her best friend — Jim. In that moment, she recognized the storm she had created for herself and understood how, in leaving her husband, she’d stepped out from under his protective covering and out of God’s will.

“I’m sorry,” Judi cried. “I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have left you. I still love you.”

“I love you, too,” Jim said.

One year later, Jim moved to Colorado, and he stood beside Judi at another wedding altar to say “I do” a second time.

What’s the main thing the Skinners have learned through the fiery trials of their marriage?

The power of forgiveness. Not only in forgiving one another, but in forgiving themselves.

Judi has taken her feelings of guilt and shame to Christ over and over. It’s been an ongoing process of healing. When Judi recently said she felt shame for her actions, Jim reminded her that no one is without sin. Then he expressed heartache for the part he’d played in the affair by not protecting Judi from his family pressures, but she reminded him that it was her choice to stray.

Each has learned to extend grace to the other.

Additionally, the Skinners have learned that Christ’s command for a man to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife is a serious one. Both are convinced that marriage is God’s institution but that it has a real enemy. “The Devil wants to destroy marriages, and one of the ways he does that is through infidelity,” Jim says.

Judi knows firsthand that it’s important Christians don’t buy into the lie that their marriages are immune to struggles or temptations. “I didn’t think those kinds of things happened to believers,” she says. “It’s important for couples to guard the relationship God has given them.”

Judi is amazed by God’s forgiveness. Jim is in awe of God’s grace. Both are ready to do whatever they can to protect their marriage during their next 25 years. For them, twice to the wedding altar is enough.