No one could believe it. No one wanted to believe it. Things like this weren't supposed to happen in small towns where tractors and cows were part of the landscape.
But it did.
Bernard Shuman*, 19, broke into his best friend's grandmother's home, beat her unconscious with a baseball bat, wrapped her in toilet paper and set her on fire.
This was a blatant example of disregard for the value of the elderly. However, elder abuse happens regularly through much less violent means. It happens when an adult child neglects her mother by not bathing her often enough, when a nursing home caregiver brushes an 80-year-old man's hair harshly or when an elderly husband verbally abuses his wife.
Not only can elder abuse be subtle, but it also doesn't happen the way we often think it does. Contrary to popular opinion, most elder abuse does not happen in nursing homes. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, only about 4 percent of the elderly live in nursing homes and most of the residents have their needs met without abuse.
If not in nursing homes, where dies it happen? Surprisingly, behind closed doors within families. In the past, it has been reported that adult children were the most common abusers of their elderly family members. However, according to the National Center for Elder Abuse (NCEA), new information shows that spouses are the top perpetrators. For this reason, elder abuse can be difficult to identify, since dysfunctional ways of relating can become lifelong patterns. Additionally, it's not always easy to distinguish between interpersonal stress and abuse.
Consider Helen. She's 80 and suffers from Alzheimer's disease. When her husband died, her daughter Laura offered to care for her. But the task has been more than she bargained for. Working two jobs, raising three elementary-age children and marital stress has made caring for her mother an extra challenge. Laura finds herself yelling at and belittling her mother on a regular basis.
Is Laura's behavior acceptable? After all, she's under a lot of stress, right? Wrong. No amount of abuse, whether big or small is justifiable under any life stress. So, if it's unjustifiable, how can you identify it?
According to the NCEA, abuse falls into six categories. These will help you identify if it is something that is happening to you or someone you love.
Bernard Shuman's crime received a lot of press but most abusive acts toward the elderly aren't noticed or are ever reported.
According to research by the NCEA, only 16 percent of abuse situations are reported, and a whopping 84 percent remain hidden. The Senate Special Committee on Aging estimates that there "may be as many as 5 million victims each year," with most of the victims being women over 60.
Why are there so many silent cases of abuse? Again, the family factor plays an important role. A woman who is being mistreated by her daughter, husband or grandson may not have the emotional strength or tools needed to report abusive behavior.
When Genevieve became disabled due to a car accident during her 70th year, she became part of the elderly population at greater risk of abuse along with those who are ill, frail, mentally impaired (such as those with Alzheimer's disease or dementia) and the depressed. But just because an elderly person does not suffer from these characteristics does not mean that they are not vulnerable. Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of sex, ethnic background or social status.
If you are entering your senior years or are already in the midst of them, here are some tips for avoiding and overcoming abuse:
Most importantly, remember that no matter what stage of life you are in, that you deserve to be cared for. Take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your future from abuse.
*Name has been changed.