FOTF-Logo-Stretch-Color.png
Search

When Your Spouse Won’t Leave You Alone

Share:
man trying to talk to bored and irritated looking woman
© Dean Drobot / ShutterStock
Here are some suggestions if you're feeling cornered by a spouse who always wants to talk.

If you’re feeling nagged to talk, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed, too.

Avoidance may seem like the only solution for relief. This relief is only temporary, though, because it leaves your spouse without resolution—and often determined to try harder.

You may begin to feel like a trapped victim, at the mercy of your spouse’s “need to talk.” Worse yet, you may anticipate another session of having your shortcomings pointed out.

Avoidance doesn’t work. But here are some suggestions if you’re feeling cornered by a spouse who always seems to be asking, “Can we talk?”

  1. Take the initiative to spend time doing things together other than talking.
  2. Go to a Christian bookstore and buy a book about communication in marriage. Read from it aloud to your spouse and ask her questions about her reactions.
  3. Share a chore, like doing the dishes. You may find yourself communicating during the dull moments.
  4. When she’s not expecting it, ask her what she really needs. Say, “How can I show you I love you?” or, “What would make your day easier?”
  5. Put the newspaper away, neglect a hobby, or shut the TV off in order to spend time with your spouse.
  6. Keep a sense of humor. Find cartoons about how different men and women are, and how they communicate. Make more fun of your own gender than the other person’s.

These are all good things to do, but it’s also important for you to ask for the peace and quiet you may need. Otherwise, you’ll probably feel like a helpless victim of your mate’s demands.

One way to do this is to set a specific time to talk. This should thrill your spouse, since it represents a commitment to communicate. The limits need to be spelled out, though, in order to avoid false expectations. Your spouse may be thinking of a marathon conversation, while you may dread anything longer than a TV sitcom.

Try 20 or 30 minutes to start. That’s probably the most you’d want for a serious discussion. Pray at the beginning and the end if you like. Get a kitchen timer and stick to the limit. Promise not to run, but allow for a time-out if things get too intense.

What should you do during that time? Here are some ideas:

  • Explore and discuss your needs for communication.
  • Explore and discuss your needs for quiet or alone time.
  • Explore and discuss your needs for outside friendships and recreation.
  • Use “I” statements to convey feelings of being pressured, overwhelmed, or discouraged. This will help keep your spouse from feeling attacked. For example: “I feel hopeless when I hear ‘We need to talk,’ because it reminds me of my mom. She always used that phrase when I was in trouble.” This is better than, “You’re just like my mom!” The goal is for the speaker to feel heard and understood.
  • If you need to take a time-out, be sure to schedule a reunion within 24 hours for further discussion. This gives both of you a sense of reassurance and safety.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Share:

About the Author

Read More About:

You May Also Like

Attitudes

10 Things I Wish We Had Known Before Adopting

After 12 years and three adoptions, I’ve often thought about how helpful it would have been to know then what we know now. Here are 10 things we’ve learned about adoption.

Blended Family

Building a Blended Family Doesn’t Come Easily

Many experts say it takes five years or more for a blended family to begin to feel cohesive. There’s no way to force a family to bond, but with faith and persistent effort, families can grow closer.