Jake has been married to Amber for four years and feels good about how their relationship is going, except for their lack of time together. He admits his job is keeping him away, but he wants the promotion that's coming up.
The long hours and late nights are more bearable because of his co-worker Mandy. She is complimentary, encouraging and a bit flirtatious. Lately, Jake has found himself returning the compliments, flirting back and accepting her invitations to have lunch to discuss business. But their conversations have become more personal than business. He enjoys talking to Mandy and feels she understands him like few other friends.
When Jake told Amber about having lunch with Mandy, Amber got mad and jealous. She didn't understand how good a friend Mandy was, so Jake decided it would be best not to tell his wife when he had lunch with Mandy. Surely, since they were just friends, their time together was innocent.
Is there anything wrong with having a close friend of the opposite sex after you're married? While there may be no clear answer, there are compelling reasons to be cautious about opposite-sex friendships outside of your spouse's company. No matter how happy and secure your marriage, you should always protect your relationship against temptation, deception and potential affairs.
Most affairs begin as an innocent connection between two people. You may be brought together through work, church or school. But if your guard isn't up and your boundaries aren't well-established, a newly developing connection can quickly become entangled. As you spend time together, either face-to-face, through the computer or by phone, you may find yourself gradually sucked into an emotional affair that can rip a marriage to shreds even though the relationship never becomes physical.
The damage begins when you find yourself sharing information, thoughts or feelings that should have been kept between you and your spouse. This is an emotional betrayal that cuts into the heart of a marriage. The damage worsens as you begin to distance yourself emotionally and physically from your spouse in lieu of time with your friend.
Eventually, the friendship crosses the line when it introduces elements that should never be part of a marriage — secrets and lies. This deception destroys the foundation of marital security, and once it begins, it's difficult to stop.
Because an emotional affair remains nonsexual, it is easy to rationalize:
"We're just friends.""He's never touched me.""We aren't doing anything wrong."
The relationship continues because the unfaithful spouse reasons away guilt
Before you were married, you may have had lots of friends of the opposite sex. But once you've said "I do," your relationship with your spouse must now take priority over every other relationship, and it must be protected against any threat.
So if you are close friends with someone of the opposite sex, you may need to honestly look at that relationship to determine if you have fallen into an emotional affair. Here are a few warning signs that may indicate your friendship has crossed the line from platonic to romantic:
No marriage is affair proof. We are all at risk of losing our focus and being swept into an emotional affair. But you can do several things to safeguard your marriage:
You can keep your marriage safe from emotional affairs. But it requires open, honest communication and a commitment to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage your No. 1 relationship.