I see it all the time. We’ve all felt it: the "Hey, what about me?" syndrome. Sometimes it sneaks up on us when we feel that our emotional needs aren't being met — and we resent it. Or maybe we have a hard-to-love spouse and we’re tired of trying to make things work. That's when the "Hey, what about me?" syndrome hits. When it comes, and we're feeling sorry for ourselves — or just plain tired of trying — what can we do?
Choose to make wise decisions. Don't rely on feelings or emotions when the going gets tough. Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather right decisions carry us to right emotions — and positive rewards. Here are a few ways your can exercise your will over your emotions:
Just start where you can. Start by saying, "Ok God, I am deciding to stick it out." Even if you don’t feel like you want to. Tell Him you're willing to be made willing.
Decide to choose joy. Sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes marriage isn’t fair. It is for richer or for poorer, sickness or health, and for better or worse. Jim and Sally Conway, in their book titled Traits of a Lasting Marriage, surveyed couples who had long-term happy relationships and the secret they discovered was that those couples had decided to be in long-term happy marriages!
Deciding to choose joy, to be a happy person regardless of the circumstance, is a decision that will create happiness. If you go looking for happiness as the goal, you’ll never find it, because you have no control over circumstance and you don’t have control over your spouse. But you do have control over yourself and your emotions. If you choose joy, soon you will find you have it. Some things to help you choose joy might be:
Decide to be the best. A woman asked me if she had to submit to a husband who wasn’t living up to his part of the spiritual leadership bargain. She said, "It doesn’t seem fair." She’s right. It isn’t fair. Nonetheless, both spouses can't just wait it out to see who will step up to the plate and be the bigger, better person. Someone has to choose to serve the other in love first. You can hold on to being right, but you will probably be left holding just your opinion — and not your marriage.
I always recommend to women that they obey God, submit to Him and seek to please Him — then trust Him with the results in their relationship. In over 25 years, I can’t remember one woman who was ever sorry she obeyed God. Even if she couldn’t save her marriage, she saved her integrity — and her spouse’s behavior couldn't take that away.
Life is full of choices. Obedience is a path to God’s protection for you and your future. Wisdom is a gateway to happiness (Proverbs 3:13-20). We need to remember these things and make wise decisions for life — even when we don't feel like it.