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Focus on the Family Broadcast

Holding on to Hope During Separation (Part 1 of 2)

Holding on to Hope During Separation (Part 1 of 2)

Best-selling author Dr. Gary Chapman offers struggling couples guidance and hope for healing their marriage in a discussion based on his book One More Try: What to Do When Your Marriage is Falling Apart. (Part 1 of 2)
Original Air Date: July 28, 2014

Excerpt:

Jim Daly: Dr. Chapman, uh, for the person who is in the midst of separation, or on the brink of divorce, uh, perhaps only in their heart, you never know, uh, what is one piece of advice you’d give them, uh, to implement today to reverse that course?

Dr. Gary Chapman: Jim, I think one of the first things I would say is, that I’m empathetic with the pain that brings you to the place where you feel like there’s no hope. You know, I think some are condemning, of people who are at that point. Maybe because they’ve never been there.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: But I know, in my own marriage, in the early years, what it feels like. That it’s not going to work out. That we, we shouldn’t have gotten married, that we made a big mistake in the first place. And so, I’m very empathetic with that person. At the same time, I would say to that person, you know, I’ve been working with couples at this juncture for over 35 years now.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: And I’ve seen many people, including my own marriage, who have come from that point of desperation to have the marriage they really wanted when they got married.

John: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: There is hope. And I often say to them in my office, “I can understand that you have no hope for your marriage. I can see that. I can feel that. But I have hope for your marriage. So why don’t you go on my hope for a while, and let’s just see what can happen.”

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Wow.

Dr. Chapman: So that- that’s the basic approach, because, uh, they have to make a fundamental decision. Am I willing to work on the marriage? I never ask people, “Do you want to work on the marriage?” Because that’s a desire. You know, that’s an emotion. And they don’t wanna work on the marriage, many of them. They don’t have the energy to work on the marriage.

Jim: Right.

Dr. Chapman: So, I, I don’t ever ask, “Do you want to work on the marriage?” I ask, “Will you work on the marriage?”

Jim: Mm-hmm. Action-oriented.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah, yeah. Will you. Are you willing to work with me or work with any other counselor? You know, are you willing to work on the marriage? Because if you’re willing, then there’s real hope.

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: Mm-hmm. Well, if you’re willing, then you’ll find that kind of hope and encouragement from Dr. Gary Chapman on today’s Focus on the Family radio program. Hosted by our president, and author Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, and, uh, uh, this, this really is a program, Jim, that should throw out a lifeline in some respect, to couples who think it’s over. It’s done.

Jim: John, I, it’s a good way to put it, because, uh, there are many, many couples, in the Christian community and outside the Christian community, that need perspective. And that’s what we wanna provide today. And it is really good to have, certainly, one of my favorite guests here at Focus on the Family, Dr. Gary Chapman with us. Before we, uh, do a formal introduction though, you know, here at Focus on the Family, this is our core mission, you know? To strengthen marriages. Uh, when you look at it, when we look at the issues that we face here, that people are writing in about, of the top five, three of the top five are about marriage.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Infidelity in marriage, uh, finances and the marriage, things that are breaking down. The conflict in marriage. That’s number one-

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … believe it or not. Just simple conflict in our marriage.

John: Wow.

Jim: So it’s happening. And for us to stick our head in the sand and think that Christians don’t deal with these issues is wrong. And we wanna supply people the tools to do better.

John: Yeah.

Jim: And I think the Lord is honored by that. And I hope you feel that. Um, you know, good communication is an attribute to our love in Christ, and His love for us. So that’s what we wanna hit today. In fact, I want to share, from a recent caller, we’ll call her Mrs. G, who, uh, called to tell us that she had reached a point where her bags were packed.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Think of that Gary.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Her bags were packed, and she was waiting for the right time to leave her marriage of 32 years.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, you think you’re over the hump after 7 years, or 10 years, no, this woman, 32 years into her marriage is thinking, “I’m gonna leave.” Uh, she continued to say that her husband travels extensively and called his wife from the road to ask her to listen to a Focus on the Family broadcast that he had just heard. Uh, Mr. G told her that as he listened he realized the message was describing him.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, the Lord touched his heart, and showed him that he has been prioritizing many other things in life at the expense of his own marriage. And Mrs. G said that she could feel a change in her husband-

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … much to what you were saying Gary. As he was talking to her. Which is an answer to years of prayer.

Dr. Chapman: Wow.

Jim: And, uh, she was so excited about the possibility that their relationship would be better and be healed and wanted to let us know the impact of the program.

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jim: So, Gary, uh, uh, I’m saying all this to say, people are listening-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … that are desperate.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: They need help. They need that lifeline, John, that you just mentioned.

John: Mm-hmm. And, uh, uh, we didn’t give that formal introduction yet. Dr. Gary Chapman is a best-selling author, a speaker, he’s a pastor, and he’s director of marriage and family life consultants. And he’s written many, many books. He’s been on this program a number of times. And, uh, Jim, hi- it was his second book that really forms the basis for our conversation today. It’s been retitled, and it’s called One More Try.

Jim: And Gary, welcome back to Focus on the Family.

Dr. Chapman: Thank you Jim. Good to be with you again.

Jim: I, e- Gary, let me start with the basic, uh, premise. I mean, you get married, you walk down the aisle, especially, again, in a Christian community, you’re thinking, “Okay, this will all work out. My, uh, expectations’ll be met, he’ll love me, she’ll love me, for who I am.”

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “And we’ll grow together. And this is gonna be really fun.” And then they wake up the next day. What happens in a marriage that is shutting down? What are the things that you see, in 35 years of counseling, what are those trigger points that are predictable-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … that point a marriage in a direction toward destruction?

Dr. Chapman: Well, the first thing that happens, Jim, is they come down off the emotional high of being in love. That is a wonderful experience, incredible experience, you feel like you will be happy forever. You just know you found the right person.

Jim: How long… I mean, they have research that shows that that is true. And it lasts a year to two years, is that right?

Dr. Chapman: Two ye- two years is the average. And we come down off the high. And I normally say to people, let’s be thankful we come down off the high, because if we didn’t you’d have to close down. Business, industry, church, education-

Jim: (laughs).

Dr. Chapman: … because you can’t get anything done when you’re in love.

Jim: You can’t function.

John: Mm-hmm. (laughs).

Jim: (laughs).

Dr. Chapman: You know? I mean, yeah. It, it consumes your life. Uh, but we do come down off the high. But many people are not ready for that. I certainly was not ready for that. I didn’t know that that was gonna happen in two years. And my wife and I had been dating for two years before we got married. So pretty soon after the honeymoon we came down off the high. But everyone comes down off the high. And you lose th- those euphoric feelings. And then the differences emerge.

Jim: Uh-huh .

Dr. Chapman: And you realize that some of those things your friends told you about her, before you got married, are true.

John: (laughs).

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Chapman: And some of those things they told you about him, are true. And so, you see the differences, uh, you have no plan for handling the differences, so you end up arguing with each other. Because you know you’re right. And so you explain it to her, you know, and tell her. You know, and then you explain it again. And before long you’re saying nasty, hurtful things to each other with loud voices. And before long you’re thinking, “We’ve made a serious mistake.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: “We should not have gotten married.” But then, you know, if you’re a Christian, you will kind of hunker down and say, “Okay, well we’ve gotta work on this.” And couples can go on thinking they’re working on it when they’re really just enduring it.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

John: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: And seven years down the road-

John: Yeah.

Dr. Chapman: … 10 years down the road, 32 years down the road, you know, they just say, “I’ve had enough.”

Jim: Uh, lemme ask you about the signs. Uh, and let me comment on that two-year average that you come down from that euphoria. Uh, uh, I guess, a- what is the expectation of that average couple? Let’s talk in those terms. Um, w- what should they be expecting when they get married? What should they be anticipating to help hedge against reality? Against normal life?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: Especially, again, for Christians. I mean, and I think we often can have even loftier expectations, because we’re Christians-

Dr. Chapman: Right.

Jim: … and we know the Lord loves us, and this should work out a certain way.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: And sometimes it d- doesn’t after that euphoria is gone. Talk about that. And then I wanna ask you another question, (laughs), but I’ll ask you nothing but questions.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah. (laughs).

John: (laughs).

Dr. Chapman: Well-

Jim: But, uh, what… talk about that for a moment.

Dr. Chapman: Well I think one thing is, they should anticipate it. They should realize this is going to happen. It doesn’t mean that we will lose all of the emotional feelings. If we learn to speak each other’s love language we can keep the emotional love alive in the relationship. It won’t be the euphoric state, but it will be a deep sense of love, emotional love with each other. So understanding that we can keep love alive by speaking the right love language. And then secondly, if they have a plan for handling conflicts, and most couples do not, when they get married, because they don’t think they’re going to have any conflicts.

Jim: Correct.

Dr. Chapman: You know?

John: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: But if they have a plan for handling conflicts, and this is what I would suggest, that before you get married, either read a book, or sit down with a counselor, or somebody, and talk about… talk to other married couples, “How do you resolve conflicts? When you disagree with each other and you both feel strongly about it, how do you work your way through those things?” And that involves empathetic listening, putting yourself in the shoes of the other person, trying to understand how they could think what they think and feel what they feel. And then, not condemning it, but acknowledging that’s the way they think, that’s the way they feel. In their head it makes sense.

John: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: And then just say to them, “You know honey, now that I hear you, that does make a lot of sense.”

Jim: Ah.

Dr. Chapman: “Now lemme share with you what I was feeling and thinking.” And then you affirm each other. You still differ, but you haven’t condemned the other person, you’ve affirmed them. And then you’ve said, “Okay, we see it differently. How can we solve it?”

Jim: And Gary, lemme ask you this question, I’ve thought a lot about this, but when you look at it, why does our flesh run toward what is best for us?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: I mean, and what I mean by that, y- it might be that you know to speak with empathy to your mate. You know, um, the right things that should be done, and yet, you know, sometimes there’s just these triggers, and you respond with a harsh word.

Dr. Chapman: Yep.

Jim: Or you respond with a cutting comment. It’s like we’re feeding our flesh. And e- oo- why do we do that?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah, yeah.

Jim: When we know better.

Dr. Chapman: I think two things, Jim. I think one is, we are all, by nature, self-centered. Now, that’s not all bad, because that means we feed ourselves, we get exercise, we take care of ourselves. But when that self-centeredness becomes selfishness, so that I view all of life in terms of what I’m getting out of this, my spouse is not meeting my needs. That’s where some of that comes from, is, we’re, we’ve become selfish. Another factor is, one of the reasons we become defensive when our spouse says certain things, is because they have struck at our self-esteem.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: All of us have a sense of self-worth. And we should have, because we’re made in the image of God.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: We’re extremely valuable. But when the spouse, when my spouse says something to me that strikes at my self-esteem, that makes me feel like they’re putting me down, that my idea is no good, I get defensive. It just happens. It’s an emotional response to that. I wanna fight. Or else I clam up and wanna run, depending on my personality.

Jim: Let me ask you the o- on the opposite side of that, the spouse that’s doing it. Um, what are they deriving from that? They think they’re winning something, but they’re not.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: They’re isolating themselves. But what motivates that person to win the argument?

Dr. Chapman: Yep.

Jim: Win the debate? And they walk away feeling good, but their spouse is crushed.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah. What I say to people is, if you win an argument your spouse lost. It’s no fun to live with a loser.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: So why would you create one? Arguments lead nowhere but downhill. Understanding, communication, dialogue with each other leads to solutions. If you spend your time looking for a solution, there, there are solution to all conflicts. If you spend your time looking for the solution, rather than trying to win the argument, you’ll find a solution. And every time you find a solution, something you both can live with, you grow closer together. Every time you win an argument, or you walk away, uh, they acquiesce, but they still know that they’re right and you’re wrong. You sweep it under the rug, and you get enough of these things swept under the rug, that’s where you get the feeling you shouldn’t have gotten married.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: Never gonna work out. Too many differences. Too many conflicts. Can’t solve anything. Never gonna be any better. And we go downhill in our thinking.

Jim: Well let’s f- play the tape fast forward, uh, b- a- people are, at all stages, uh, who are listening, uh, maybe some marriages are very healthy, I hope so, I think so, uh, there are some marriages that are teetering. They’re probably in the quietness of their heart thinking, “I’m not sure of what our future will be.” And then, uh, some marriages where one of the spouses is shutting down, and they’re thinking of divorce. And they’re hearing us right now. Uh, talk about why separation is a good step rather than divorce, obviously, and what happens in that separation time?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah. Well, I think, first of all, Jim, it’s important to acknowledge that separation can be a positive step. Because many Christians think, you know, if I separate that’s terrible. That’s awful. But sometimes, there’s such a crisis in a marriage, and maybe there’s been physical abuse, or verbal abuse over a long period of time, uh, you’re living with an alcoholic, uh, there’s all sorts of situations that bring you to a crisis. That separation can be an act of love. And what you’re saying is, “I love you too much to sit here and let you destroy yourself, and destroy me, and hurt the kids. I’m gonna move in with my mom. I’m not abandoning you, I’m not even courting divorce, I’m just sayin’ to you, I can’t be a part of what’s happening here.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: “And if you will go and get some counseling, and deal with this issue, I am willing to reengage with you at any juncture, and we can get marriage counseling. And our marriage can become what we had hoped we would have when we got married.” When you take that approach, it’s a positive approach. It is an act of love, not an act of abandonment.

Jim: Gary, I can only imagine that, uh, a spouse that’s in that situation doesn’t know where the trigger is though. When do I do that? And it would seem to me that they’d always be saying, “Well, if this happens then I’ll do that.” And that thing doesn’t happen. Or “If tomorrow he doesn’t do better, then I’ll take that next dramatic step.” How, how does a, let’s just speak on behalf of the woman, how does she know when she needs to have that kind of direct confrontation-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … with her spouse?

Dr. Chapman: I would say, typically, don’t go to that length, don’t go to the separation step without spending time with a counselor, a pastor, an older mature trusted friend, somebody that can help you assess that. Don’t make that decision on your own. Because once you make that decision, you’re gonna need somebody that you can process your emotions with afterwards.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: So, don’t make that step alone. Uh, I think this is where it’s really, really important that you have somebody walking with you through that process. Because that’s the ultimate step, is to decide to do that. There’s a lot of things you can do before that. But when you get to that point, it can be a positive thing. Now let me be very honest, the majority of people who move to separation do not do it as an act of love.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: They do it as a step of survival.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Right.

Dr. Chapman: I’m getting out of here before I get killed, or before I just have a nervous breakdown. And I understand that, uh, but it would be far better if they can see it as an act of love. That they’re not abandoning the marriage, they’re not even saying, “I’m going to divorce this person.” But what they are saying is, I’m going to try to do something that can be redemptive here, and often, the step of separation can be the trigger that causes the other person to say, “I am about to lose something, and I am going to get help.”

Jim: Well, and I think it’s important for us to say, w- uh, we’re not supporting separation.

Dr. Chapman: Right.

Jim: I mean, I, the ideal is to have a marriage that’s thriving and doing well. But we’re saying sometimes that wakeup call-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … that’s how I would describe it-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … it’s a wakeup call. To say, we’ve got to do better, this isn’t healthy, and this is the ring of the bell.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: So to speak. And there is a place for that. Uh, tough love. We talk about it in the context of marriage often, it could be something, uh, where it’s a habit that you need to talk about, perhaps a bad habit, a sinful habit.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: And, uh, the spouse is wanting to get the attention. That’s where you would deploy tough love.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, talk about the courage to do tough love though. It may not be separation.

Dr. Chapman: No.

Jim: It just might be, how do you confront your s- your mate in a way that’s loving but tough?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: And what’s the marshmallow type-

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … that isn’t that healthy?

Dr. Chapman: Yeah. And I think, first of all, I al- I always suggest tender love before tough love. That is, learn your spouse’s love language, begin speaking that love language on a regular basis, and in about two months into that you say to them, “On a scale of zero to 10, how much love do you feel coming from me?”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: And if they give you an eight, nine, or 10, you know you’re getting through. If they give you something less than that you say, “Well what could I do to bring that up?”

Jim: Yeah.

Dr. Chapman: Okay? And so you do that. But when you get to the eight, nine, or 10, then you can make a request of them. And you say, “Honey, you know one thing that would really make me happy,” and you tell them something that’s been bugging you that you would like for them to change. And because they are now feeling loved by you, they’re far more likely to reciprocate and do that thing, whereas, if you don’t give them tender love, and they don’t feel love coming from you, all they feel is condemnation, you’ve been nagging them about this thing now for three years, and it’s the only thing you harp on, they’re not motivated to respond to you in love, because all they feel is condemnation from you. So if you can stop the condemnation, just put it on hold, just have a truce for thr- six months, and let’s try tender love. You’re far more likely to have a positive response from them.

Jim: Uh, let’s talk about that marriage that, quietly, the wife is suffering. She’s not even sure if it’s worth saving. How does she evaluate that? How does that spouse, eh, husband too, how does that spouse put some kind of evaluation to it to say, okay, it’s worth the effort?

Dr. Chapman: Right.

Jim: Is it ever not worth the effort?

Dr. Chapman: Well, I think, bottom line, it’s always worth the effort. We will be better for having tried than simply giving up. And that’s why I say to people, you know, we can’t guarantee that if you do X, Y, and Z that your spouse’ll respond. What we can say is, these are the things that create a climate in which a marriage is most likely to be revived. And one person, almost always, has to take the initiative.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: Y- And if you’re the on that has c- some concern, or you’re the one that’s thinking of walking out, e- I would say, you’re the one to take the initiative, because the other person’s showing no concern about the relationship. But if you take a concern and you begin to take some steps to create a different climate in the relationship, because it will not change as long as you have the climate you have now, which is adversarial, an adversarial climate will not lead to growth. But a love climate leads to the possibility of growth. So I suggest the tender love approach, and periodically asking your spouse questions such as, “What could I do to make your life easier?” Or, “What could I do to be a better husband? Or a better wife?” And getting that feedback and working on those things, and what happens in the mind of the other person is, they begin to think, “Hm, they’re changing. I like this person. I like what’s happening here.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: And so they respond to what you’re doing for them. It’s that kind of attitude that has the potential of turning a person around.

Jim: And it takes, uh, discipline. When I hear you say that I’m just, again, thinking of even my own experiences, but letters and emails that we receive here at Focus on the Family. So often, um, again, it- it’s not the initial reaction that we have as human beings. We tend to wanna react out of our flesh.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: And we serve the purposes of the enemy of our souls when we do that. But what about the, the wife that’s saying, “I hear ya, but right now I’m, I’m not feeling loving. I’m not even sure I like him.”

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: Where do they go?

Dr. Chapman: What I would say is, first of all, we have to recognize that, while there is an emotional aspect of love, love is basically a choice. It’s a choice to look out for the interest of the other person. It’s a choice to be willing to sacrifice for their benefit.

Jim: Hm.

Dr. Chapman: And because it is a choice, and not simply an emotion, we can love a person that we don’t even like. And when you do, and particularly, if you speak that love in the language that really communicates to them, you’re touching them at the deepest possible point, because you’re speaking love and you’re speaking it in a language that they understand.

Jim: Well, and I appreciate the hope. I don’t, you know, we’re talking about the desperate heart-

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: … and the loneliness of that, and the deception of it. And what you’re saying is, there is always hope as long as one of you is willing.

John: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: And when you begin to turn that, and not react out of your flesh, because that spouse is treating you in a way that is, um, demeaning or lacking that love, if you can find your source in Christ, and in your relationship with God, it would allow you to weather that so that you can get on a better track.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, talk about that experience as we end today. But I’m gonna ask you to stick with us so we can come back and continue the discussion. But let’s end with hope today. Talk about those examples in the couples that you have, uh, counseled over 35 years where you even as the counselor thought, this one looks desperate, yet you saw God work a miracle.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah. Well, you know, Jim, I’ve seen that over and over again in the counseling office. Because when people are willing to take steps to change what is, change typically takes place. It’s, uh, when they’re unwilling to take steps and they just say, “There’s no hope, there’s no hope, there’s no hope.” Then there is no hope. But when you are saying, “I feel like there’s no hope for this relationship, but I am willing to take some steps in the right direction, then there is hope.” And over and over again I’ve seen couples that, when I first encountered them I was so empathetic with them, I felt the pain, I f- understood why they had no hope, but nine months later, I saw them walk out of the office holding hands with each other, having settled some major issues, and now having some tools of communication and understanding that’s gonna lead them to a lifetime of a happy marriage.

John: Yeah.

Jim: Which is what we should be doing, especially, again, in the Christian community.

Dr. Chapman: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, Dr. Chapman, this has been terrific. Uh, I just wanna summarize so that we can tee it up for next time. Uh, we talked today about the idea of using tender love, first and foremost, and then if necessary, tough love. And you described that in your book, One More Try. And, uh, for those that, um, this is speaking to your heart, pick up the book. Contact Focus on the Family. John, you’ll give the details in just a minute.

John: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Jim: But we want you to have this resource so that you can get on a better path. And, uh, and be a witness, uh, not just to each other in your marriage, but to the world around you as well. Uh, Dr. Chapman, you also talked about creating a different climate in your marriage, uh, as we react out of our flesh we gotta kinda bite the bit in our mouth and say, “Okay Lord, I’m gonna do it your way and stop doing it my way, (laughs), ’cause my way is just not working.” And the fact that love is a choice, that we’ve gotta determine this is the direction we’re gonna go. Uh, tomorrow let’s talk about some deep, tough stuff. Maybe the affair that’s occurred, or a wound that is, um, devastating and hard to get over. And, uh, let’s talk about the healing hope that there is, even for that couple-

Dr. Chapman: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … that is so very desperate. Thanks for being with us.

Dr. Chapman: Thank you, Jim.

John: Well, God’s going to give you strength to work on your marriage as you turn to him. And we trust that, um, we can be a part of that process for you.

Jim: Uh, today’s program really highlighted our mission here at Focus on the Family, and that’s to come alongside you if you’re struggling in your marriage and to give you hope. That’s the bottom line, to give you hope, specifically in Christ. We are here for you, and we have resources and a terrific team of caring, Christian counselors who can listen and pray with you, and point you in the right direction. In addition, we have our Hope Restored marriage intensives, this is, uh, marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their relationship, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce. Uh, the extended periods of counseling over multiple days allows our team of marriage counselors to get to the root of the problem and equip you to do better in the future. The success rate for the couples who go through that intensive program, after we survey them two years later, uh, there’s an 81% success rate-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … which is outstanding. I hope, if you or your loved ones need that kind of counseling intervention, that you’ll contact us today for more information.

John: It really is life changing, Jim. You know I had the privilege of attending one of the sessions there. The team is so good. And the work happening at Hope Restored is so important, so encouraging to see what God is doing there.

Jim: And good for you and Dena, John, to go and strengthen your relationship. If you support Focus on the Family and our efforts at Hope Restored, l- let me say, thank you for helping marriages in this way. Uh, we have saved thousands, literally, thousands of marriages together. If you have, uh, yet to get involved with us financially, uh, may I ask you to consider joining us to cover this area of ministry? To stand in the gap for those who are desperately seeking answers. Um, your monthly gift will make a huge difference and allow us to plan and budget to help even more couples have strong, thriving marriages. In fact, when you make a pledge of any amount, today, we’d like to send you a copy of Dr. Chapman’s book, One More Try, as our way of saying thank you. And, if you can’t commit to a monthly amount, we’ll send you a copy of the book for a one-time gift as well.

John: Donate as you can and get your copy of Dr. Chapman’s book online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team here, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we continue the conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman, and once more help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

One More Try: What to Do When Your Marriage is Falling Apart

Receive Gary Chapman's book One More Try for your donation of any amount! Plus, receive member-exclusive benefits when you make a recurring gift today. Your monthly support helps families thrive.

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