How to Deal With Bullying
How to know if your child is being bullied, and what to do if your child is the one bullying others.
Bullying and cyberbullying may be prevented with intentional parenting. However if it does occur, there are some ways that parents can respond to help their kids cope.
Everyday, kids are bullied at school, while engaged in extracurricular activities and online. Therefore, learning about preventing bullying and cyberbullying is important. Face to face bullying can take the form of threats, intimidation, name-calling, spreading rumors or excluding someone from a group. Aggressive behavior typically needs to be recurring in order to qualify as bullying. However, the fear that a single incident of brutish behavior might happen again can extend the impact on the victim.
Cyberbullying is a form of bullying that’s carried out in social media and smartphones. While not face-to-face, it can be just as harmful. It is very public, so word travels very quickly. Furthermore, once images and comments are posted, they can exist virtually forever online. In addition, online bullies wreak havoc anonymously, often with little fear of being discovered or punished. Their harassing comments may even include recommendations that victims harm or kill themselves.
You might wonder if your son or daughter is a victim of bullying or cyberbullying if-
If you see these signs, you need to talk with your child. One way to bring up a difficult topic is to de-personalize it. For example, you might mention that “some people” have encountered bullying. You can talk about the problem as a universal issue. Then, transition the conversation to direct it more personally:
Talk to your child about how bullying has been around since the beginning of history. Actually, it is not unique to this generation; it’s a humanity issue that even Jesus faced. Once you’ve worked on preventing bullying and cyberbullying, you can begin to work on responding to these issues.
The effects of bullying and cyberbullying can be dramatic. They demolish self-esteem and lead to depression and anxiety that can last into adulthood. Neurobiological research confirms that social pain is equivalent to physical pain. Consequently, in the most tragic cases, teens and preteens may feel driven to self-harm or suicide. If your teen is being bullied, she needs help immediately. Some things you can do include:
Children who bully or have been bullied have an increased likelihood of developing a psychiatric disorder. This is a great reason to work intentionally on preventing bullying or cyberbullying in the first place. However, when responding to these issues, consulting a licensed counselor who works with children is recommended.
Should You Teach Your Child to Fight Back?
Many parents want to teach their children to respond to bullies with physical violence. While self-defense training is helpful, advising children to answer violence with violence is not recommended. Physical aggression can escalate to a point where your child’s safety—or even life—may be seriously threatened. Likewise, schools that have a zero-tolerance policy for violence may impose punishments on your child, even if he is not the instigator of a fight. Therefore, preventing bullying and cyberbullying and responding to these issues is important. Building social and emotional skills and teaching coping skills are effective ways families can help children deal with bullying.
How can you help your child if one of his friends is being bullied or cyberbullied?
If your child has become a bully, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Some personalities are more vulnerable to becoming bullies. Talk with the school counselor or a licensed counselor to begin getting the necessary help for your family and your child. Additionally, pray diligently for God’s softening of your child’s heart.
Preventing bullying and cyberbullying and responding to these issues begins with questions and conversations. So, talk to your kids about being noticers, builders and connectors.
Be a noticer
Be a builder
Be a connector:
Copyright © 2019 by Focus on the Family
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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