The Family Media Guardian

Parents today have a lot of tasks that demand their time — cleaning, cooking, banking, laundry, chauffeuring — the list goes on and on. Yet there’s another critical role crying for attention in many homes: family media guardian.

What does a mom or dad (or both) need to take up this role?

• A willingness to take time to filter the media that come into their home.
• An understanding of the values and traditions they want to impart to their kids.
• A desire to safeguard young hearts and minds from images and voices that threaten those values.

The job may seem overwhelming at first glance. From TV, music and movies to video/dvd rentals, video games and the Internet, the sheer vastness of the media boggles the mind.

In addition, the availability of mobile devices and wireless Internet access away from home add to the need for you to provide your kids with guidelines that allow them to learn about life in the manner and pace you set.

Fear not. Our "Family Media Guardian" series is here to help.

TV

How much TV does your family watch? Here's advice for balancing TV time and its influence in your home.

Television viewing has grown steadily since the first sets were introduced in the late 1920s. American kids aged 2-18 now spend an average of 5:29 hours using media each day, with the lion’s share of that attributed to TV. Studies show extensive viewing may be to blame for aggressive or violent behavior, poor academic performance, precocious sexuality, obesity and substance abuse.

How do you respond to these studies? Most parents fall somewhere between tossing out the TV and hiring it as a full-time babysitter. Yet few are comfortable with their family viewing habits. Thanks to a long-running public debate, we have a wealth of good advice to draw from. Here’s some of the best:

• Schedule viewing. Together, plan a weekly program schedule. This gives parents a chance to offer good choices instead of always saying no to poor ones, and to set time limits in a positive way.
• Set physical limits on TV viewing. Turn the TV off during meals. Don’t use the set for background noise (turn on some Bach or your local Christian music station instead). And if your child has a TV in his or her bedroom, consider removing it.
• Watch TV together. Talk about any troubling issues as they arise, or take notes and discuss them afterward. Highlight positive behaviors. Point out unacceptable words and behaviors, and talk about the better way. Before watching as a family, be sure to check out new programs that may venture into uncharted territory.
• Talk back to the TV. When a character says or does something you don’t agree with, say so out loud. This is especially helpful when troublesome commercials pop up during otherwise family-friendly shows. Saying, “That’s not true!” reinforces your values to your children and helps them to challenge what they see and hear.
• Plan weekly family nights. Turn off the TV and take out board games, go on a nature hike, play Frisbee, read books together, go out for ice cream.
• Use your DVR liberally. Preview new programs, edit out risqué or violent commercials, and choose optimum viewing times instead of being at the mercy of the broadcaster’s schedule.
• Be a good example. Ever had to grab for the remote when your child walked in? Take an honest look at your own viewing habits. What you do speaks so much louder than what you say.

Music

Music is a very influential medium. Have you given any thought to how it affects your family dynamics?

Music is a powerful medium with long arms and strong associations. It can set the tone of a home, transport us to a special time and place, and even define an entire generation.

Have you given any thought to the role it plays in your family dynamics? The family media guardian will want to think about the following matters.

• Music as a teacher. In your child’s early years, music can be a delightfully engaging teaching tool. Preschool tapes cover everything from the alphabet to Sunday school hymns and can be a lifesaver on long car trips. Even here, however, parents need to be sensitive. A kindergartener can be traumatized even by the violence of “Little Bunny Foo-Foo” (“… scooping up the field mice and boppin’ ’em on the head.”).
• Lyrics. They do matter. The wrong artists and songs can undermine your family values. If the lyrics can’t be freely discussed (or posted on the wall), then turn them off. Some artists bring their entire image into your home. Were you startled when grade-school-aged Britney clones started appearing everywhere in belly shirts?
• Radio stations. We can flip on the radio, like our TV, and not give another thought to the messages coming across the airwaves — until our child walks in the room and we listen through their ears.
• Classics. Achieving “classic rock” status does not purify a song. “Lay, Lady, Lay” is just as objectionable today as it was when Bob Dylan first sang it in 1969. And beware of morning DJs; some of their monologues could make a sailor blush.
• Research. When your children start building their own music collections, take the time to research both the band and the music together. A simple Internet search will usually give you the artist’s official Web site and several fan sites, where lyrics, biographies and news can be found. Focus on the Family’s PluggedIn.com reviews the hottest teen CDs weekly and offers a free extensive archive.
• Return policies. Despite our best intentions, sometimes bad music sneaks in the door. The band’s hit single was innocent enough, but the rest of the CD was another story. Or Aunt Millie sent a real surprise gift. Some music outlets will allow a parent to return an objectionable CD.

Movies

Compared to other forms of media, movies offer parents greater control over what their children watch.

Compared to television, movies offer us greater control over what we view and more information to use in making wise choices. Some tips for the family media guardian:

• Don’t rely on MPAA ratings. PG-13 films can include anything from a few obscenities to scenes bordering on the pornographic. You’d think Scooby-Doo (PG) would be without problems, but it gave a nod-and-wink to drinking and drugs. Even some G-rated movies may be too intense for younger children — remember the flying monkeys in Wizard of Oz?
• Find a reliable movie review source and vow not to see any movie without checking it out first. Focus on the Family's Clubhouse Web site features an alphabetical movie archive, where younger kids can begin to look up reviews on their own. PluggedIn.com reviews movies aimed at teens from a biblical worldview.
• When in doubt about a new movie, either 1) don’t go, 2) see the movie yourself first and take the kids later, or 3) wait for the video release and preview it.

Video/DVD

Compared to seeing them at the theatre, renting or buying movies for home viewing has a few unique pluses and minuses.

Criteria that apply to videos and DVDs are the same as those for movies, but this medium has a few unique pluses and minuses:

• Video reviews are almost always available, unless the film has been released directly to video/DVD.
• If an otherwise good film is marred by minor rough spots (remember the grandfather in Princess Bride exclaiming “Jesus!”), parents can use the fast forward button.
• Kids love repetition, so most videos will be viewed several times before they go back to the store or into the drawer. Make sure you’re comfortable with all the content being committed to memory.
• “Family-friendly” versions of some films are available on the general market. Parents can also check out the film-editing franchises CleanFlicks and MovieMask.
• Avoid the Saturday night video rental trap of grabbing up something you normally wouldn’t watch because the good stuff is picked over.

Video Games

While most video games are not as troublesome as Grand Theft Auto, all deserve the scrutiny of the family media guardian.

Clearly, most video games are not as troublesome as Grand Theft Auto. But all deserve the attention of the family media guardian before becoming a part of your child’s game collection. How can parents be sure their child’s video games are OK? Most of us can’t play each one (in fact, the very thought makes the less coordinated break out in a cold sweat). Here are some tips:

• Check it out before buying. Rent or borrow from a friend. If you’re not a player, sit with your child through a few sessions and make sure there’s nothing objectionable.
• Consider the genre and rating. Is it a first-person shooter or role-playing game? Rated E for Everybody, T for Teen, M for Mature?
• Limit playing time, as you would with any other “screen” activity. Ask yourself if your child’s behavior has changed as a result of playing video games. Is he forsaking other enjoyable activities in order to play? Is he becoming isolated? Does he talk nonstop about playing videos?
• Try to find multi-player games that you can enjoy together with your child.
• Check reviews. PluggedIn.com offers game reviews and related articles. Use the site's search engine to see if they've covered the game you're curious about. You may also want to check out gaming magazines at your local library. (Pick out some children’s books to read together while you’re there.)

Next Steps/Related Information

Popular questions, plus related resources and articles on media discernment for parents

Popular questions on this topic:

• Is it a good idea for kids to have a cell phone?
• Is it safe to let teens interact in chat rooms on the Internet?

Related Resources

• Plugged In Parenting (Paperback)
• Logged On and Tuned Out
• Guiding Your Family in a Misguided World