Take Care of Yourself
Shortly after becoming a single parent, I noticed that my daily life had changed, and peace was far from my home.
Shortly after becoming a single parent, I noticed that my daily life had changed, and peace was far from my home. There were days that I struggled just to make it through; I was exhausted and spent.
So I cried out to God for help, and the answer was clear. I needed to seek peace until I found it. On the surface, it didn't seem possible. But, step-by-step the turbulent atmosphere in my home began to change. Peace transformed our single-parent home as I took control of key areas of my life.
Make a connection
First, I connected to a healthy church. Two years ago, I made a commitment to attend every Sunday and midweek service.
Second, I connected with other single parents. In my geographic area, 50 percent of all families are single-parent families. With so many others in the same situation, it was easy to find others dealing with similar issues.
If you don't know how to find other single-parent families in your town, contact your church and the churches in your community to find out if they offer a single-parent group. You may be surprised to find one already exists. If there isn't one, contact your pastor and start one yourself — even an informal group that meets a few times a month. By starting a group, I found several other single parents — right in my own church. We understand each other's struggles, and we support each other.
Look out for your needs
If you have traveled by airplane, you have no doubt heard the airplane's safety messages: If there is a change in cabin pressure and you are traveling with children, put on your oxygen mask first. After securing yours, you should then put a mask on the children you are traveling with.
This concept applies to single parenting. When I wasn't rested or healthy, taking care of my children was far more difficult. I had to resist the urges to tackle the world in a day and pace myself. I needed to get enough sleep, eat healthy and exercise.
Though it seemed like too much to add to our schedule, I found several ways to incorporate exercise into my routine and include my children. Taking walks together, roller-skating with them, popping in a kid's workout video. When I took care of myself, taking care of my children was less stressful, bringing greater peace.
Learn to say no
In a world that seems to be spinning faster, we are pulled in many directions, and so are our children. When too many demands tug on our families, stress increases and peace is harder to find. I learned I had to carefully control the number of commitments that came between my children and me.
I know many families that rush to soccer, baseball and piano lessons, and then return home exhausted. They are on the go nearly every day of the week. While none of these activities is bad, too many commitments exhaust the entire family. As I evaluated what really matters and let go of things that were less important, my family had down time to recharge.
Get on a budget
In order to gain financial peace, I put myself on a budget. Statistics show that nearly all single parents struggle with finances. My budget has enabled me to accelerate my debt payments, and in just two years I have gone from nearly 50 percent of my budget being debt to nearly no debt at all.
I also found that by giving my children a small allowance and allowing them to save for a candy bar or toy, I spend much less on small items. Additionally, I have ended check out "Mommy, please, please, please" stand-offs that used to occur regularly. From their allowance my children save 10 percent for their church tithe, 40 percent for short-term items such as candy and 50 percent for longer-term savings. They are not allowed to touch the long-term savings unless they have saved for something over an extended period.
Establish family time
No doubt, single parents spend time with their children. But if you are like me, much of that time is spent getting done only what needs to get done. Your children spend most of their time on chores, housework, shopping, etc.
One way that we have scheduled special family time is by implementing family game night. Each Thursday we spend the evening after dinner playing games. In warmer weather we opt to go to the park for family time. Make time just for fun — together. Making time for fun together has strengthened my relationship with my children.
Forgive their father/ mother
I have saved the hardest item for last. I realized, if I truly wanted peace to abound in my home, I had to forgive my children's father. Anger and unforgiveness was eating away the peace I needed to be a successful single parent. I read the book I Should Forgive, But . . . by Dr. Chuck Lynch, and it helped me understand forgiveness. As I asked God for help, and as I forgave my ex, I realized that forgiveness brings the purest form of peace I can ever find here on earth.
Are you struggling with daily life as a single parent and feeling robbed of peace? Evaluate your priorities, routines and practices to find where you can make changes. Start small. Make adjustments as needed. And never forget that with God, all things are possible.
Copyright © 2005 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.