Falling in Love
My first doctor's appointment was on February 24th, also my brother's birthday. Only a handful of people knew about my pregnancy at that time, and I decided to go by myself. I was so nervous!
A few minutes after I entered the doctor's office, my life truly changed forever. I'll admit that up to this point I was confident I had made the right decision by choosing to go through with the pregnancy, but I was too scared to see all the positives in it. There I was lying on the examination table, and within seconds the ultrasound technician was showing me my baby on the screen. One look at that little kidney-bean-shaped image, and I was in love. I knew that I wanted with all of my heart to be a mom to this child. I asked the tech at least three times if the baby looked like he or she was "connected firmly." She kept laughing and telling me, "Yes, everything looks fine." Tears filled my eyes as we listened to my baby's heartbeat for the first time.
I began taking prenatal vitamins, cut my caffeine intake by about one-fifth, stopped eating cold lunch meat or soft cheeses, and began to worry about everything that went into or came near my body. I was willing to do anything for this little one.
I was so anxious for the first trimester to end. Okay, I'll admit that the nausea had something to do with this desire, but I was lucky that I didn't have a lot of morning sickness. Mostly I was bone-tired and felt like I was spending all my free time going to the bathroom! Still, even this wasn't really why I wanted to speed up time. I knew that the first trimester was the most likely time for a miscarriage. I couldn't wait for this danger zone to pass by so I could feel comfortable sharing the news about my pregnancy.
Having a baby as a single parent with significant financial concerns was certainly not my plan. But I know it is God's will that I carry my baby to term, and I know He will lead me in the right direction. I'm still plenty scared at times, but I figure I'm in good hands. I think about that little kidney-bean-shaped baby growing inside me, and I can't wait to hold him or her in my arms!