Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Focus on the Family Broadcast

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on email

Exploring Your Love Styles

Exploring Your Love Styles

In a discussion based on their book How We Love, counselors Milan and Kay Yerkovich outline five primary love styles and explain how each shapes behaviors, beliefs and expectations in marriage. Our guests offer helpful insights on how you can break negative relational patterns to create a deeper, richer relationship with your spouse.

Original Air Date: March 26, 2018

Opening:

Excerpt:

Kay Yerkovich: Where we are broken? Where does Christ need to redeem us? Because Christ wasn’t an avoider. He was emotionally connected. He wasn’t a pleaser. He could say no. He wasn’t so idealistic. He said, “The world is so broken I need to die for it.” He wasn’t a chaotic controller or victim. So really, when you look at these love styles, they all fall short of Christ. And we could even think of Christ as a secure connector.

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: That’s Kay Yerkovich describing how you can discover your love style. And welcome to another Best of 2018 Focus on the Family broadcast. I’m John Fuller. And your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly.

Jim Daly: John, every time we have Milan and Kay here, uh, our audience responds. You – you folks love to hear what these people have to say. And it’s so insightful about our childhoods, what we learn, what we bring into relationships, whether that’s your marriage, your parenting relationship, all of those things. Um, it has an impact on us. And the better and more knowledgeable we are about that impact, the healthier your relationships are going to be. You know, in Psalm, uh, 139, it says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart.” I love that. “Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” That – I just love scripture. It’s so refreshing. And today, we want to learn how to search our own hearts and bring that before God and our spouse and our family and walk freely, uh, and truly in God’s rest. Here at Focus, we want to see you thrive in your marriage and in other relationships. That’s why we do this. Um, it’s to equip you to have a full life in Christ.

John: And our guests have some great insights for you. Now, if you’re not familiar with Milan and Kay, um, you can get very familiar with them by listening to a free download of a conversation we had with them a couple of years ago, “Discovering Your Love Style.” Um, we’re going to augment some of that content in today’s conversation. Uh, the book is How We Love. And it’s now expanded, and, uh, the subtitle is Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage. Milan and Kay have been married for more than 40 years. They have four grown adult children and an unspecified number – it just says several grandchildren. How many?

(LAUGHTER)

Body:

Kay: Well, we keep changing that, so that’s why we don’t fill that spot in. But…

Jim: You don’t want to put that in print.

John: Yeah.

Kay: We just found out that we’re expecting the 10th grandchild.

John: Nice.

Jim: Excellent. Well, welcome back to the program.

Milan Yerkovich: Thank you. We’re glad to be here.

Jim: Hey, you spent, uh, the first ten years of your marriage feeling stuck and unhappy. Take us back to that first 10 years so the folks that are struggling can better identify that they are in a place where they need help. What does it look like, your first 10 years of marriage?

Milan: The first ten years of marriage, we were simply operating on the downloads and operating systems that our families had imparted or downloaded into us without our permission, without our participation. Those early influences of how I view myself, how I view another person, what “we” means, whether “we” is necessary, or whether I’m good on my own and I don’t need “other” – all those definitions were put in deeply into our lives early on. So when we first got married, we had early imprints, where I was very worried that the – that whoever “other” was – turned out to be Kay – would not be attentive enough or would, uh, be distant or disconnected, and then I would over-pursue her, uh, trying to get her attention. Little did I know, she was an introvert and an emotionally avoidant person and I would overwhelm her. So I was “other”-dependent. She set the stage for how I was as a person, which is not fully healthy. That doesn’t resemble Christ. So the pleaser is a pursuer, and they’re hypervigilant. Now, you were the avoider. And the avoider is just the opposite of that.

Kay: Right. The avoider comes from a family where there’s not an emotional connection with parents. No one’s asking me, growing up, how do I feel. Uh, if something difficult came along, I was on my own to comfort myself or to try and work my way through that. And so when the avoider gets married, they feel independent. They feel like they’ve made their own decisions for many years, so it doesn’t even occur to me to consult him when I have a decision to make. And…

Jim: And it translates to being strong. It’s a valuable, culturally lifted-up attribute.

Kay: Oh, yes. It is.

Jim: “I am strong enough to stand on my own.”

Kay: Yes. I – I have to say that, um, it was difficult for me in my growth process to feel needy, uh, because that was something that I just skipped over. You know, of course every baby is needy, but I – I don’t remember ever feeling needy in my family, um, in those years that you really start to remember your – your history. So the avoider is emotionally detached and distant, not because they’re cold, but because they don’t have the lessons growing up to learn how to articulate what’s inside them, how to describe what’s inside them and then to tell someone else. That was foreign to me. So we have the avoider and the pleaser.

John: And?

Jim: Vacillator?

Kay: Yes.

Milan: The vacillator is sort of a blend between those two. The vacillator is a pursuer also. But they have a history where there’s abandonment or where they’ve lost connection from people that were vital to them, and it created a sense of fear or apprehension. And so their quest as they enter into life is to find someone ideally who would never disconnect from them. And so they pursue. And when they – when they date, they find someone that is very much attentive, and the dating relationship is alive and dynamic and exciting. And yet, after they get married, though, that excitement begins to wane a bit. And they start to get frightened, and they start to get scared. And then they get angry. Unlike the pleaser, who would pursue fearfully or try to make you happy, the vacillator gets angry because they don’t want to feel that feeling of insecurity again. And so they pursue the other person in an angry way, which pushes the other person away and – even further. And it – it disables the very thing they want, which is connection.

Jim: Is that – again, and just to put it in a framework that someone who’s in that spot may connect with it, when we talk about a woman who puts herself in hostile relationships – you know the conversation I’m talking about. You’re always choosing the wrong men. Is that partly what you might be describing here, where you have an abusive boyfriend, abusive husband?

Kay: No, that’s – that’s more the – the last category, the controller-victim.

Jim: The chaotic?

Kay: The chaotic. For the vacillator, they – they have an idealistic view of life. Um, they deal with the pain of childhood by idealizing the future. So, “When I get married, I’m going to find the perfect person for me.”

Jim: Oh, wow. So their expectations are sky-high?

Kay: Their expectations are very high. And they don’t really realize that, so they’re easily disappointed. And that disappointment is what fuels the anger. And so they’re protesters.

Jim: What – now, let’s cover the chaotic. And we’ll get to the better, healthier place. But chaotic, then, is, uh…?

Kay: Chaotic are just folks that come from a family that’s, uh – where instead of nurturing connection, there’s actually some trauma, or – uh, there – it’s a place where there’s fear.

Jim: What is that – describe that trauma, just so, again, the listener can understand it. Alcoholic home, uh…?

Kay: It could be, um, very overt trauma like violence or sexual abuse. It could be neglect. It could be a mentally ill parent. It’s a situation in which the child needs that parent for survival, but there’s an element of danger, whether that danger is mild, medium or severe. And so there’s always trauma in the history of these…

Jim: Interesting.

Kay: …These – these folks. And the church is full of people from chaotic homes, because God loves them, and He goes after them.

Jim: Absolutely. And salvation is there. And I’m going to – we’re going to get to that in a minute after we cover these areas, because I want that biblical perspective on these observations. But…

Kay: That’s right. So you kind of have two categories in this kind of home. The feisty kids grow up, and they fight the system. And they get angry, and they become the controllers. And a controller is just a person who has to have control so they don’t ever feel those terrible childhood feelings again.

Jim: Interesting.

Kay: Um, “I don’t want to feel humiliated. I don’t want to feel ashamed. I don’t want to feel afraid. So if I have control of my world, I don’t ever have to go back to those feelings.” Now that’s more of an unconscious vow than it is really – it’s their – I don’t think they’re aware of why they need so much control. The more compliant kid survives at home by becoming, um, complacent. They hide in the closet. Um, and they learn to tolerate the intolerable. They’re more like…

Jim: They find a coping mechanism?

Kay: They don’t protest. And if – they cope by just trying to stay under the radar. And in severe cases, they’ll cope by dissociating, which means they sort of go off in their head and they can be in the room without really being present.

Jim: Yeah. Emotionally, yeah.

Kay: Yes. And so these, uh, gals or these men often become more the victims. And so they just don’t have a voice. They’ve never had the ability to really feel any self-worth or learn to stand up for themselves.

John: You’re listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller. And our guests today are Milan and Kay Yerkovich, and, uh, we’re going through some of the material that they’ve captured so well in an excellent, uh, now-expanded edition of the book, How We Love. And, uh, you can find out more about the book, order it and a CD or download of our conversation at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or give us a call and, uh, we can tell you more – 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Okay. So Milan and Kay, we’ve covered, uh, four of the five. Let me just recap them – avoider, pleaser, vacillator and then that chaotic that we just covered. And then there’s probably the – what I would see as the healthier that you’ve identified, the secure connector. I like that. It communicates so much in those three words, the secure connector. Describe that, and then we’ll move ahead.

Milan: The secure connector is our goal, where we’re all growing. Any one of these attachment styles, they’re very unaware of the animating forces on the inside. We don’t – aren’t aware until we become aware, because all of a sudden we run into, as you were alluding to earlier, a problem that’s a repetitive problem over and over again. I have to stop and look at myself. I love the verse you used out of Psalm 139. It’s a very brave prayer. “Lord, show me what’s going on inside me.” When we do, we can move toward this secure connector. What does that person look like? That person is an individual who has a strong sense of self, “That I am worthy of somebody listening to me, loving me. I’m love – I’m worthy of love and care. That if I speak, somebody will pay attention to me.” They then know that the other person will be attentive and that they can often go to that person for help. They’re not afraid to ask for help.

And they find out, as a secure person, that the two of us together – “we” – will be stronger than me alone. And there is a freedom and a lack of fear, a lack of anger and a security to be able to ask for what it is they want from the other person, to have strong ability to describe one’s inner emotions like Christ did the night before He died on the cross, where He said, “My soul is distressed to the point of death. Come watch and pray with Me.” So as we look at He and His disciples, He wasn’t alone in His distress. He grabbed His closest – Peter, James and John – shared what was going on in His soul. He had vertical support with the Heavenly Father in prayer. He had horizontal support with His friends. And He was able to get through that very desperate moment.

Jim: And that’s beautifully said. When you look at this, I want to make sure the person who’s saying, “You know, this sounds a little psychobabble-ish,” I just wanna confront that. Because so often we in the Christian community struggle to say science will uncover God. I mean, this is God. He’s in it. The – the sins of your father being visited down to next generations, that is ancient language to describe what we’re talking about in modernity, that when you come from families of origin that are dysfunctional, this is what you learn.

Milan: Right.

Jim: And that’s what the scripture’s actually talking about.

Kay: It’s just sin playing out.

Jim: Right.

Kay: And, you know, attachment researchers, um – this is a 70-year-old field of research. And, yes, all they’ve done is describe patterns of sin.

Jim: Right. 70-year-old history, uh, 5,000 years of human relationships.

(LAUGHTER)

Kay: That’s right. And they – they just observe patterns. And so this isn’t just Milan and Kay’s opinion. This is based on scientific research. However, I – you know, many of them aren’t believers. And they don’t know that they’re really just helping us understand, where we are broken? Where does Christ need to redeem us? Because Christ wasn’t an avoider. He was emotionally connected. He wasn’t a pleaser. He could say no. He could make people angry. He wasn’t so idealistic. He said, “The world is so broken I need to die for it.” He wasn’t a chaotic controller or victim. So really, when you look at these love styles, they all fall short of Christ. And we could even think of Christ as a secure connector. You know, in terms of, uh – that’s not a biblical term. But when you look at the traits of a secure connector, they’re certainly descriptors of Christ. And I think the goal of understanding this material is to become sanctified…

Jim: Yeah.

Kay: …To grow, because it’s freedom.

Jim: Let’s move in the last few minutes here, because I want to talk about the combinations, which is really what you delve into in How We Love. Because in order to love, you have to have another person involved. So you – now you’re bringing all these combinations into play, and that creates yet new orbits of chaos. So why don’t you guys…

Milan: Well put.

Jim: …Take it there. Just talk about those combinations and what couples need to do to first identify who they are and then identify their spouses and say, “Okay, here’s – here’s why we’re having this conflict.” Give the combinations.

Milan: Okay. So if you take our combination, Kay’s the avoider. I was the pleaser. Now, she’s no longer an avoider. I’m no longer a pleaser. We’ve grown more into that secure connector, by the way.

Jim: So the point there is you can change?

Milan: We can change.

Kay: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: That’s awesome.

Milan: We are no longer those people. But what our marriage looked like then was, “Kay, are you all right? Is everything okay?”

Kay: “I’m fine. Why do you keep asking me that?”

Milan: “Well, because you haven’t looked at me and smiled all day. Are you okay?”

(LAUGHTER)

Kay: “Yeah, I’m fine. I – I didn’t know I wasn’t looking at you…”

Jim: It’s making me cringe listening to you.

Kay: “…But I – I’m good.”

Milan: “Are – I upset you somehow. Are you sure there isn’t something I did?”

Kay: “No.”

Jim: I want to go run in the closet.

(LAUGHTER)

Milan: We’re making some people really uncomfortable right here.

Jim: I’m – I’m already – I’m like, my skin is crawling listening to this. But it’s true.

Milan: Well, of course it would. See, because that – maybe if your skin really was crawling, it triggered you somehow because – because you heard conflict. But that was a repeatable pattern right there between the two of us.

Kay: Over, over and over. And, you know, the thing – we call these dynamics a core pattern. And a core pattern is simply a descriptor of how your histories collide. Now, for the avoider and pleaser, that’s about as conflictual as it got. Um, neither of these like conflict. So avoiders don’t like it because it’s messy and emotional. Pleasers don’t like it because you might get mad at me. So we didn’t really have an honest conversation till probably the 15-year mark. But we did have that frustrating core pattern of, um, his chasing me and me avoiding him, and of course, the more he chased, the more I avoided. And when we begin to understand attachment, we begin to understand this was the root of this core pattern. My lack of bonding in my home and my avoider tendencies and his fearful home and his pleaser tendencies – that was the root, and so we began to work at the root in changing. So that was our core pattern.

Jim: How about that vacillator-avoider?

Kay: That’s probably the most common core pattern we see walk into therapy because neither one of us wanted to go to therapy, but the vacillator is the protester, and they want ideal, so what are they gonna do? “We need help. We’re going to therapy.” Now, vacillators are attracted to avoiders because avoiders are consistent, they’re predictable, they’re reliable, and initially, that’s very attractive. But when they marry and they’re with them a while, they’re like, “Hello, are you there?”

Milan: So let’s role-play that, Kay. I’ll be the avoider. You be the vacillator. All right?

Kay: All right.

Milan: Okay. “Hey, I’m home.”

Kay: “Hey. Hi, how are you?”

Milan: “Hey, where’s the mail?”

Kay: “Uh, it’s right here, honey, where it always is.”

Milan: “Okay. So I’m looking for something here that I was expecting today. Where – where is it?”

Kay: “You know what?”

Milan: “Did you move the mail by any chance ‘cause it’s not here…”

Kay: “It’s here every day.”

Milan: “I know, but…”

Kay: “But you know what? I have something super fun to tell you and super exciting to show you so c’mere. You can look in a minute.”

Milan: “You know what? You know what? Sometimes, you throw the mail away. You think it’s junk mail…”

Kay: “I don’t even want to talk about the mail.”

(LAUGHTER)

Milan: “…And I’ve seen you do that…”

Kay: “C’mon. I’ve been waiting all day…”

Milan: “I remember when you threw payroll away once, and this is really important…”

Kay: “You know what?”

Milan: “Kay, it says ‘bank’ on it. Now, do you know where that is? I’m looking for it. I have to…”

Kay: “Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Wait. You know what. This is not today. Every day, ‘Oh, hello, mail. Hi.’“

Jim: Oh, no.

Kay: “‘…Oh, I’m – oh, you know…’“

John: Oh.

Kay: “‘…Oh, mail…’“

John: You know, Jim, I’m concerned…

Kay: “‘…How are you?’“

John: …I’m concerned that we just talk…

Kay: “‘…What do you have to show me?’“

John: …We just told everybody else that was still listening to turn off the radio because of the conflict we’re listening to right now.

Jim: Oh.

John: Wow.

Kay: “You love the mail more than me.”

Milan: “I’m going to the gym.”

Kay: “Good. See you later.”

(LAUGHTER)

John: Oh, man. What an ending.

Jim: Hey, Jean. I did not mention this to…

(LAUGHTER)

…Milan and Kay. I didn’t mention the mail thing at all. Oh, my goodness.

Milan: So I’m the avoider, you see? I’m task-mastery oriented. I have something I want to get to. It’s time sensitive. I was supposed to receive it in the mail.

Kay: That’s all he’s thinking about.

Milan: I’m just thinking, “I want to get that done. I’ll see you a little later, but, you know, but…”

Kay: All I’m thinking about is, “Did he think about me today? I can’t wait to show him this. Oh, my goodness. I’m so excited to see him.” Why do I not learn that he always goes to the mail first? I’ve told him over and over, but he doesn’t listen.

Milan: When we dated – when we dated it was this…

John: Right…

Milan: …You know, it was the pure eye-to-eye. But now that life has set in, these early attachment experiences that we’re not even aware are imprinted into us take over. They begin to drive the bus. So that would be two of the most common core patterns that we see in our offices.

Jim: And lastly, that vacillator-pleaser – let’s not – even if it’s less common, let’s mention those folks.

Milan: Well, let’s role-play that really quickly. I’ll be the vacillator. You be the pleaser.

Kay: Okay…

Milan: Okay?

Kay: …That sounds great.

Milan: I walk through the door. “Hey, I’m home. How ya doing?”

Kay: “(to Milan) Oh, hi. (to phone) You know what? Yeah, I know that’s – (to Milan) I’m on the phone. I got to – I’m on the phone. (to phone) Okay…”

Milan: “But you’re always on the phone when I come home.”

Kay: “(to phone) I got to go. I know. I’m so sorry. Yeah, I get it.”

Milan: “Hello? I’m home.”

Kay: “(to Milan) I’ll be right there. (to phone) Okay. Yeah, I know that’s rough, but I really have to go. All right…”

Milan: “I’m home.”

Kay: “(to phone) All right. I really have to go. All right. Bye. (to Milan) Hi. Hi, honey. How are you?”

Milan: “You always have this empathy for everybody else, but – and you always see everybody else. So closely, you see other people, but…”

Kay: “Oh, honey, it was just Suzie. You know she’s…”

Milan: “I walk through the door…”

Kay: “…Going through the divorce.”

Milan: “…And it’s blank-o. You know…”

(LAUGHTER)

Milan: “…It’s like…”

Kay: “Honey…”

Milan: “…You don’t even…”

Kay: “…I love you.”

Milan: “You know, I – you tell me that, but your body and your behavior doesn’t tell me this…”

Kay: “Honey, I think…”

Milan: “Like I didn’t matter…”

Kay: “You’re…”

Milan: “When I walked…”

Kay: “…a little early today…”

Milan: “…Through the door.”

Kay: “I just didn’t know you were going to come…”

Milan: “It didn’t…”

Kay: “…Home.”

Milan: “…Matter when I walked through the door. I remember when we were dating, you would just light up.”

Kay: “Honey, I love you so much. How ‘bout I make your favorite dinner?”

Milan: “You’re just – do you know that it’s so dis…”

Kay: “We could go out to dinner.”

Milan: “You’re just trying to appease me now, and that just irritates me.”

Kay: “Well, honey. But don’t be mad.”

Milan: So there.

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: Yeah.

John: So there.

Jim: Now, I’m thinking how can you be a vacillator-pleaser-avoider all in the same person?

(LAUGHTER)

Milan: Well, I just switched roles.

Jim: No, I didn’t – I’m joking about me. I’m just seeing so much…

Milan: Oh.

Kay: Okay, well you know…

Jim: …Things like this in our relationship.

Kay: …I’m gonna answer that because you just brought up a very good point. For what we were just role-playing, the vacillator’s still protesting. The pleaser just tries very hard to please.

Milan: And make them happy.

Kay: But you know, we have people all the time say, “But, I’m all of them.” And my next question is always, “Well, did you have a difficult childhood?” And they always say yes. So in my home, it worked to be an avoider. It brought peace if no one showed feelings. In a chaotic home, nothing works. You can try pleasing – doesn’t change a thing. You can hope for something – doesn’t happen. You can be the avoider. It’s still – there’s still chaos. So, you know, we just tell the people from difficult homes, “Just start with the thing you think you do the most.” And it might not be the controller-victim. It might be that you’re more the vacillator or more the avoider at this point in your life. So, you know, I think if you’re not sure, you can always go online and take the test and…

Jim: Yeah, which would be good to do…

Kay: Yeah.

Jim: Milan and Kay, I am so mindful. We are out of time and we have, like, ripped this Band-Aid off of a wound where we’re talking about styles and behavioral issues. We’ve got to end with the God thing which is, where do we go when we know our heart a little better now and we know that we’re not living in a place that’s as healthy as it should be? What are some of the key things we can do? You talk about soul words for example.

And folks, get the book. That’s the bottom line. I mean, this is something you should invest in so that you can have a healthier marriage, and it can be fun, but it’ll also be hard. But we’re not gonna be able to cover it all here today. But let’s end on that high note of soul words, what God intends here, how do we begin to restore?

Milan: There’s four steps. Become aware. Tell someone else what you’re aware of. The other person listens. And then ask, “What do I need?” So I had to become aware – self-aware and tell Kay, “Kay, I realize that,” and this was an answer to prayer to that Psalm 139. I pursue you and you make me anxious when you look away because I’m a fear-based person. And when I could confess that to you, you – your whole attitude toward me changed, and it – absolutely, it was a transformative moment. And then I had to – Ephesians 4 – speak the truth to her and tell her what I was really feeling. She listened to that, and then you asked me questions…

Kay: I learned to listen. I wasn’t a very good listener at first…

Milan: No. Neither of us were. But then you’d explain James 1 where we are supposed to be quick to hear and slow to speak and slow to anger.

Kay: Right. Yes, those are all biblically driven mandates.

Milan: Yeah.

Kay: I think, you know, the hope is – we don’t just talk about the problem in our book. The whole workbook has been revised as well. And there’s more than these three core patterns. There’s actually nine core patterns that we have in the book, and so the workbook will take each of those styles through a growth process. But in the end, what we didn’t realize is that there’s freedom.

Jim: Mmhmm.

Kay: I didn’t understand that being an avoider was like being in a prison. And as I begin to grow out of that, God gave me back my feelings. He gave me back the ability to ask for comfort and to feel comfort. And so I can’t encourage people enough. It’s maybe hard to hear a diagnosis, but with a diagnosis, change is possible.

Closing:

John: What a wonderful look back at this Best of 2018 Focus on the Family conversation with Milan and Kay Yerkovich. I’m John Fuller and your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly.

Jim: Milan and Kay provided such solid relationship material on these love styles. They spoke right to the heart, which is why so many people called or wrote in response. Let me share an email we received from someone after listening to this program with Milan and Kay. This woman said: “I loved and appreciated hearing from your guests. As I sat here and listened, emotions began to spring forth. I realized that I pushed everyone away who offered to serve me, even though it’s something I craved. I do believe God inspires people to talk about how to heal and ultimately come back to the Father who restores every broken place.”

I love that God’s healing touch, John, can be found in our conversations here at Focus on the Family. That’s why we exist – to strengthen marriages and help families thrive in Christ. And it’s a high calling, and we’re honored to be here with you to bring these great messages. And thank you to those who cover the expenses to get this done. And you are as much a partner as the colleagues here at Focus.

John: Yeah, it takes the radio guests and the great team here at Focus and our partners who pray for and donate to the ministry. We can’t do this without them.

Jim: That’s right. If you haven’t given to Focus, would you consider doing so? With Christmas just around the corner, many people are experiencing difficult times. Families are torn apart by crisis. Couples are on the brink of divorce. People are facing grief or depression. And many more desperately need the hope and peace Christ can give. Your year-end gift to Focus on the Family will share Christmas joy with these families who really, desperately need it. So please, give the gift of family this year. And when you call us today, your gift will be doubled through a special matching challenge provided by a handful of generous friends. Any amount you give today will have twice the impact. You know, Focus is helping over 300 marriages stay together each and every day. And I want you to be a part of that. So give today, and help us reach twice as many people with your donation. And when you do support us, I wanna say thank you by sending you a copy of How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich as our way of saying thank you.

John: And as you could tell from the conversation today, the Yerkovich’s have some great insights. So donate today, and get a copy of that book, How We Love, and while you’re at it, get a Best of 2018 CD-set or download. You can start the process by donating when you call 800-232-6459 – 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. Or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

And while you’re online, be sure to check out our Christmas Stories Season 2 podcast. It’s a great way to prepare your heart for Christmas Day. Well thanks for joining us today. And next time, we’ll have our Best of 2018 programs continuing. Hettie Brittz will help you better understand your child’s personality and how God develops that.

Teaser:

Hettie Brittz: So we do not have the right to shape our kids unless we are willing to be shaped by God.

End of Teaser

Today's Guests

How We Love: Expanded Edition

Receive Milan and Kay Yerkovich's book How We Love for your donation of any amount. And today, your gift will be doubled thanks to a match!

Recent Episodes

Promotional image for the Focus on the Family broadcast "Praying Scripture Over Your Child's Life"

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life (Part 1 of 2)

Jodie Berndt, best-selling author of the Praying the Scriptures book series, offers parents guidance for how they can more frequently and effectively pray for their children’s faith, wisdom, self-discipline, character, life purpose, and more. (Part 1 of 2)

Promotional image for Focus on the Family broadcast "Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus"

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus (Part 2 of 2)

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others. (Part 2 of 2)

Promotional image for Focus on the Family broadcast "Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus"

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus (Part 1 of 2)

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others. (Part 1 of 2)

You May Also Like

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 2 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Balancing Gender Differences in Your Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

Robert and Pamela Crosby help married couples understand and celebrate their gender differences so that they can enjoy a stronger bond and deeper intimacy. Our guests offer practical tips for improved communication, successful conflict resolution and offering affirmation to your spouse. (Part 1 of 2)

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

Headshot image of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Patti Giebink

Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your child’s life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rs—relationship, routines, responsibilities, and rules—you’ll better understand the role you play in your child’s life. You’ll learn great phrases to employ such as “Either/Or/You Decide” and “When You/Then You”. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

Cover image of Dr. Randall Schroeder's book "Simple Habits for Effective Parenting"

Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!