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God Used Our Friends and Family to Save Our Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

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God Used Our Friends and Family to Save Our Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

Recording artist Tiffany Lee, popularly known as "Plumb," and her husband, Jeremy, offer hope for troubled couples as they describe how their own marriage was saved from the brink of divorce with the help of God's grace and a loving community of Christian friends. (Part 1 of 2)
Original Air Date: October 8, 2015

Need You Now: A Story of Hope

Receive Tiffany Lee (a.k.a. Plumb)'s book Need You Now for your donation of any amount!

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Need You Now: A Story of Hope

Receive Tiffany Lee (a.k.a. Plumb)'s book Need You Now for your donation of any amount!

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Episode Summary

Recording artist Tiffany Lee, popularly known as "Plumb," and her husband, Jeremy, offer hope for troubled couples as they describe how their own marriage was saved from the brink of divorce with the help of God's grace and a loving community of Christian friends. (Part 1 of 2)
Original Air Date: October 8, 2015

Episode Transcript

Opening:

Excerpt:

Tiffany Lee: It was that moment of hope where we … in life you feel like things are hopeless. Well, first of all, it’s never hopeless. Nothing’s ever hopeless. You think it is. You feel like it is and we felt like it was hopeless, but through the fog of that deception, I saw hope. I saw the look in a man’s eye that said, “Maybe this isn’t worth walking away from.”

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: Life can be bleak. It can be hard. But, as you heard, there is hope and that’s Tiffany Lee. She’s a Christian vocalist and songwriter, better known as Plumb. And what she’s describing there is a key turning point in her marriage where God intervened and healed the relationship. And we’re thrilled to share the story of Tiffany and Jeremy Lee on today’s episode of Focus on the Family. Your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly. And I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, we know that many couples listening to us right now are in the same place the Lee’s were in… feeling hopeless and wondering if their marriage is over. And if you’re in that spot today, I want to urge you to keep listening because this is a powerful story of hope and reconciliation. And that can be your story, too.

The fact is marriage is tough. The bible says we’re supposed to lay our lives down for each other. But we’re selfish creatures. That’s our flesh, and we don’t do that easily. It has to be trained to do that. And we need to be rooted in Jesus Christ to find the strength to do that every day.

But if you’re really struggling and don’t know where to turn for hope, or for those solutions, contact us here at Focus on the Family right away. Don’t delay. Don’t talk yourself out of it. We want to give you the hope that you need for that better future that you desire.

John: Yeah, we’re here for your family. And a key resource for you is our Counseling team. Call and schedule a time to talk to one of those caring Christian counselors who can listen to you and pray with you and direct you to other follow up resources.

And then, of course, Jim, our Marriage Intensives – Hope Restored – where we provide counseling to couples who are literally on the brink of divorce. But after a few days of Godly counsel, and with a willingness to recommit themselves, we see miracles happen in those marriages.

Jim: It’s amazing, John. I’m so proud of our Hope Restored team. They’re doing amazing work! And of the couples we’ve surveyed who have gone through the program, four out of five are still married two years later. And they’re doing better! And these are couples, many of whom have signed divorce papers.

John: Mm-hm.

Jim: So, it is an opportunity for you to really turn your marriage around.

John: And you can learn about the Hope Restored Marriage Intensives and our Counseling team services when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. We have further details at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Now, we recorded this conversation you’re about to hear with Jeremy and Tiffany Lee, a few years ago. And here’s how we started on today’s episode of Focus on the Family.

Body:

Jim: Tell us though, in the beginning, about your love story. How did you guys meet? What was happening in the early days, all the wonder of being in love?

Jeremy Lee: Do you want the short story or (Laughter) the long story?

Jim: Give it to me however you’d like. (Laughter)

Jeremy: Um …

Tiffany: I’ll let … yeah, you go first.

Jeremy: Well, we met at church. I was actually at Liberty University at the time and we were going … I came home for four days to go on a college ski trip. And when I did, I met Tiffany. She already knew most of my family, but didn’t know me and we … I had a shirt on that said, “Plug,” and she thought that it said “Plumb.” (Laughter) And …

Jim: You thought he was a fan.

Tiffany: Which was like a … yeah, which is a turnoff, ‘cause I like remember looking and thinking, “Wow, he’s really good looking” and then, “Ah, man, he’s a fan. This is awkward.” And (Laughter) so, I turned away and …

Jim: Oh, you never date a fan.

Tiffany: I know. (Laugher) No! (Laughter)

Jeremy: So, we spent the next 24 hours on a bus driving to Colorado. To Monarch, Colorado to go skiing for four days. And um … and I think everybody on the bus slept except us. We sat up and talked the entire time.

Tiffany: Yep.

Jeremy: And so, we started dating after that. I mean, that was in 19 …

Tiffany: ‘98.

Jeremy: –1999 and so.

Jim: Let me ask you, Tiffany. Were you already kind of in the music business at that point? Were you writing and singing and … ?

Tiffany: I was. I had just finished my second Plumb record, but was in the middle of departing ways, like parting ways with my record label, so I was at a really low point spiritually and even professionally, because I had just seen some things in my career that I didn’t realize were gonna be the case. And just kinda had a … a bitter taste in my mouth about the Christian music industry and just some of the marketing of Jesus versus just relationship. And um … and so, I was … had a falling out with my manager. The label and I weren’t speaking. And so, this college and singles group going to Monarch, Colorado, I had just started going to the church a few months before, so I didn’t know him.

Jim: Uh-hm.

Tiffany: But he had gone there and was home for Christmas break and so, it was kinda like, ‘Who’s the new guy?” And they’re like, “Oh, that’s just Jeremy Lee. He’s just home for Christmas break.” And so, here I am the new girl on the trip, just wanting to get away from Nashville and just be Tiffany, not be Plumb. Didn’t pack any makeup. [I] didn’t pack any like cute outfits. I mean, literally, just T-shirts and jeans and just wanted to get away and in walks Jeremy Lee on the bus…

Jim: And in fact, something I read in … in your book, Need You Now, was that you were kind of thinking you may go through life single.

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: I can relate to that, because when I was 23, 22, I had the same sense that the Lord may want to call me to that and I wasn’t looking for my future wife.

Tiffany: Well, I had written in my journal just the day before that I listed off all the blessings in my life, like an apartment, and a car that runs and there’s food in the frig and I have a good family and I’m loved and I have friends and a church and just kind of one after the other and I wrote at the bottom, I still have the journal, I wrote at the bottom like, you know, “The blessings that I’ve just listed off are reason enough to believe that You’re enough.”

And so, you know, I’m gonna go on this trip tomorrow and just kinda get away from all of the distractions and I don’t … I don’t need a guy to kinda make that complete, because I had been a dater. Like I was a professional dater. Like I just, oh, that didn’t work out, so okay, who else can I date? (Laughter) And just never really focused on Him being enough and so, I really truly felt like, you know what? You really … You’re enough. I mean, look at all these blessings in my life. And so, I just think God has a really fun job of sitting back and … and had I ac … you know, I didn’t know at that point that the upcoming year was gonna be one of the most difficult for me at that point in my life, with going through bankruptcy from the label. That, you know, happened afterwards and just all the things that were going to follow. I felt like God kinda sat back and was like, “Enter future husband.” Like, you know, I’m gonna need somebody to lean on and I didn’t know that I was gonna need that, but I think He was enough.

Jim: So, you get married. Tell us about the early years of your marriage. Was it bliss and fun and …?

Jeremy: It was bliss. It was fun. We traveled a lot. I think we said that first five years we were in 20-plus countries together.

Jim: And that was a good thing.

Jeremy: It was …

Tiffany: Yeah. (Laughter)

Jeremy: Right, we … you know, we traveled together. We saw … we saw the world. Um…

Tiffany: We described it as like a never-ending slumber party, ‘cause it was just … we loved being together. We just—

Jim: Like a long honeymoon.

Tiffany: –had a blast.

Jeremy: Yeah—

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jeremy: –it was great. We got to travel together. We you know, we had a small place in Nashville. We weren’t financially strapped. It was just one of those sort of fun, really fun times. We did a lot … a lot of traveling. Tiffany saw a lot of … a lot of the inside of hotels. (Laughter)

Jim: Yeah, I mean, that was the concert tour, right?

Jeremy: It was—

Jim: You’re doing a—

Jeremy: –yeah a tour.

Jim: –lot of touring.

Tiffany: A lot of that, yes, a lot of that, but he’s … he’s giving you a sneak peek into my personality, where I … I will travel anywhere, but I love to sit in a hotel room and—

Jim: Just hang out.

Tiffany: –kind of hang out.

Jeremy: You just hang out.

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: So, you played board games and just had fun together.

Jeremy: No.

Jim: You don’t do board games. (Laughter)

Tiffany: No, I’m the one like reading a book or watching a movie or like …

Jeremy: And I’m out exploring.

Jim: (Laughing ) Okay.

Jeremy: I wanted to see everything there is to see, so …

Jim: So, you two are kinda opposites—

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: –which is normal for most couples, right?

Jeremy and Tiffany: Uh-hm.

Jim: And that fit well in the early part of your marriage

Tiffany: It did. I think we both love movies. We both love trying different restaurants. We both have a similar sense of humor, what we think is funny and yeah, we have a lot of interests that we enjoy together, but we also are very different.

Jim: So, what began to unwind this bliss? What began to undo you as a married couple?

Jeremy: I … you know—

Tiffany: We had a baby.

Jeremy: –thinking … thinking about it. We had a baby and then 19 months later, had another baby and then 19 months later–

Tiffany: Had another baby.

Jeremy: –we had another baby.

Jim: So, three kids in three years.

Jeremy and Tiffany: Years.

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jeremy: And I think that, you know, a lot of that was that mixed with wanting to keep up with the Jones’s, of just, we bought a house that was entirely too big for us. We didn’t need it. You know, and when you have a bigger house, you have to clean it all the time and then—

Tiffany: You have to decorate it–

Jeremy: –you have to decorate it—

Tiffany: –and organize it.

Jeremy: –and you have large electric bills and you know, and then we actually moved 30 minutes away from what was our community, which was where we went to church and where, you know, all of our friends were.

And it was sort of at that time that we began to see things just sort of … a disconnect happening. We were away from our community. We were in a new community and there was a just a lot of things like that, that we saw it sort of begin to—

Tiffany: And we had three—

Jeremy: –unravel.

Tiffany: –in diapers, like the day Clementine was born, our oldest was still potty training. He was 3 and so, he was still potty … so, I’ve got pull-ups goin’ on. I’ve got one about to be in pull-ups and then I’ve got one that, it’s diapers, you know every hour. (laughing)

Jim: Tiffany—

Jeremy: Exhausting

Jim: –I mean and that was really difficult for you and you talked about how you wanted to be this super mom and you’re—

Tiffany: I did.

Jim: –you’re buried in diapers, goin’—

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: –I can’t do it. Talk about that, ‘cause there are, you know, couples listening right now where that’s where either mom or dad are living.

Tiffany: Right.

Jim: And it … they’re not getting through it. They can’t see the end of the rainbow.

Jeremy: It’s difficult to do that and do tour dates and write records and record. It’s difficult to maintain all of those things–

Tiffany: And I was trying—

Jeremy: –with that.

Tiffany: –to do both, because I … I could not separate. And it’s taken me even just until recently, but to separate that I am not them and I’m not … and I’m not expected to be them and that if I have to get help sometimes with a babysitter or I have to get help with someone helping me clean, that I’m not this horrible mother because I’m not doin’ it all.

And I felt… and this was only … I was putting this on myself; it was like because I tour and I have to actually ask help sometimes—

Jim: Right.

Tiffany: –to get the house clean or sometimes I have to ask someone to babysit the kids or sometimes I have to … I … I can’t do all the things that she did and I’m just, I’m not measuring up. And so, I kept putting that on myself and I felt almost threatened at like, okay, if I’m a mom, I should be good at being a mom. And I’m late everywhere. And I never know where my cell phone is. And my cell phone, if I do know where it is, it’s dead. And … (Laughing)

John: I think she’s describing a lot—

Jim: Okay, you and Jean–

John: –of moms now.

Jim: –yeah, you are twin sisters, girl. (Laughter) But let me ask you, Jeremy as the husband, who shares your fate, what were you trying to do or could you do anything to say, “Hey, Tiffany, you’re okay. Everything’s good.”

Jeremy: Well, I think that there was—

Tiffany: He tried to help.

Jeremy: –there was a lot of that, a lot of me saying like, “You know, your expectation on yourself is … is way too high.

Jim: But could you not hear that? Did it not mean anything to you?

Tiffany: I felt like it was … he’s trying to make me feel better, you know. You know, he’s just

Jim: So, it’s just his way of trying to make you feel better.

Tiffany: –like okay, we’re … we’re in this for life, so I’m gonna make her feel better, even though, you know, secretly, she is kinda failing.

Jim: Ah.

John: So, he’s the husband. He’s supposed to say that kind of thing.

Tiffany: Right, yeah, yeah. And I … I didn’t realize I needed … I used to think my love language was quality time, but it was actually words of affirmation. I needed to hear—

Jim: Wow.

Tiffany: –”You’re doing a great job” and I wasn’t hearing it the way I needed to.

Jim: Well, and I appreciate, Jeremy, what you’re saying. You weren’t doing anything intentionally. You know, you’re just doin’ the best you could as a husband to say, “Hey, you’re … you’re doing great.”

Jeremy: See …

Jim: But you couldn’t feel it.

Tiffany: No.

Jeremy: It did … didn’t bother me at all to, you know, if Tiffany was on the road, to come home and have to do … oh, I need to do some dishes or I need to … that … I was my mom’s helper when I grew up, so it didn’t bother …

Jim: So, you never walked … walked into the house and said, “Tiffany, what have you been doin’ all day?”

Tiffany: No, no.

Jim: (Laughter) Oh, good; that’s good. (Laughter)

Tiffany: No.

Jeremy: I would’ve had had pan thrown at me.

Tiffany: Not … he would say … he would say, if I still had on my robe for some reason, ‘cause I’d been home all day and I just hadn’t gotten out of the robe, he would say things like, “You know, I think your robe … I think that’s kind of a little bit depressing for you. I think if you got up and you—

Jim: Wow.

Tiffany: –like changed your clothes and you know, got a shower or whatever, like I think that you would’ve probably had a more productive day.” And then I would be like … so I … wasn’t productive. And so, he wasn’t trying to—

Jeremy: It didn’t come across—

Tiffany: –say you weren’t—

Jeremy: –well.

Tiffany: –the best thing.

John: Yeah, it sounds like you’re coaching a little too much there.

Jim: But I could—

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: –tell you were thoughtful though and I … you know, a lot of guys would try that, but they want to be thoughtful and they step on their thoughtfulness.

Jeremy: Yeah I mean (Laughter), I think for me, I’m just the type that I get up and I shower and I get dressed and I’m ready to go. And even if I’m stayin’ around the house, I then feel productive. So, coming home and her feeling … she felt fine in the robe and I just was like, “You know, maybe if you’re really ha … struggling with not getting stuff done, if you would just put on some clothes and get dressed, that’s gonna help you get your day started.” And it was more me like just sort of tryin’ to coach her along in life.

Jim: Fixing the problem.

Jeremy: If you’re … yeah, fixing the problem. (Laughter) You bring me a problem, I want to fix it.

Tiffany: Yes, exactly.

Jeremy: And um … and that was the … the … the major problem was that I was trying to fix the problem and not just sort of listening.

John: Jeremy and Tiffany Lee were on a collision course in their marriage. And we’re hearing part of this story on this episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. You can get the full account from Tiffany’s book, Need You Now: A Story of Hope. And by the way, Tiffany is better known as Plumb, the musician-songwriter. Request your copy of the book, along with an audio copy of this full broadcast conversation at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Jeremy, so many husbands listening right now are saying, “I totally relate to what he’s saying.” And Tiffany, so many wives—

Tiffany: Right.

Jim: –are goin’, “II totally relate to what Tiffany was saying.” It wasn’t coming from outside, but that pressure of trying to measure up and be whatever it is you’re trying to measure up to.

Talk about how that impacted your communication. You talked about early in your marriage being able to talk about anything and having good open discussion. How did this environment begin to close your hearts down toward each other?

Tiffany: Well, I was gonna say, I always identified postpartum depression as this woman who doesn’t get out of bed and is crying all day, and her children may even go unfed or uncared for, ‘cause she just can’t bring herself to face anything. And that wasn’t me. I was getting up and I was nursing this baby and I was changing this baby and I was teaching this baby to go potty here instead of over here. (Laughing) And …

John: So, you were functioning.

Tiffany: I was functioning. And I didn’t realize I was surviving, but I wasn’t thriving. And I didn’t realize that my husband is pulling in the driveway and I’m thinking, “Boy, he just cannot wait to get in here and see us and kiss us.” And there was some truth to that, but I had a husband that was sitting in the driveway for about 10 extra minutes going, “Okay, what mood is she gonna be in? If the kids were great today and took good naps, she’s probably okay. But if they didn’t, somehow this is my fault for not being here.” And so, he would come inside and if he was two minutes late, I didn’t question his faithfulness. I didn’t question … there was no trust issue. It was just a matter of, “Oh, my word. That’s two more minutes that I have had to be alone with three humans (Laughter), pulling from me emotionally and physically that I don’t have help.”

And so, I would be resentful of those two extra minutes or the fact that, you know, he got to the point where he couldn’t tell me where he had lunch that day because if it was anything but a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I would be like, “Really? I had half of Solomon’s macaroni and cheese.” And like, that’s not his fault, but it somehow I made it like that’s your fault that I’ve had to eat leftover kid food today.

And in the midst of that, I would be, you know, taking nap time, as sacred as that was, and going over and doing a quick radio interview and calling my manager and, you know, doing what I could as Plumb from home. And so, I would try to song write in the office, but then that would get interrupted with, “Mommy,” and it was just these humans that I loved more than myself. I would feel some resentment towards them even of like, you know what? I could write a song if you would actually take your nap. And I would probably be a really nice, beautiful, dressed, make-up on wife if I didn’t ha … you know, have potty training going on while I’m still trying to be Plumb and …

Jeremy: Well, they … they’re … they’re all-consuming at that age.

Jim: Right.

Jeremy: And there’s three of ‘em that are all consuming. (Laughter) And so it just becomes like, you know, you … you’ve gone through that a few years and then you look over and you’re like, wait a second. Who are you? Like I knew you at one point. (Laughter) But now who are you?

Jim: Well, and that led you to some pretty difficult choices, Jeremy, and let’s talk about that. That’s kinda the next step. That frustration that you were feeling, maybe not knowing how to vent it. I’d like to hear it in your own words—

Jeremy: Well—

Jim: –but when it got to the impasse where you weren’t communicating and you were buried and you were surviving, as you just said, what happened?

Jeremy: Well, I think that we, for me, it became a point where we just—

Tiffany: You just busied yourself.

Jeremy: –we … I just got really busy.

Jim: Stayed away from the house.

Jeremy: I just got busy. I mean, I would come home but the kids would go to bed and then I would work again. And then, you know, I started a new business and it really was very time consuming and money consuming and so, it went from, you know, owning … now owning four businesses and you know, now doing this and just adding extra stuff, to …

Tiffany: Good things, I mean they are …

Jeremy: They’re all good things, not necessarily great things, but adding things to my plate to keep me busy. Because it just was at that place where it was like, we’re gonna get through this. This is just a time that’s not great, sort of miserable at times because we have three children. But you know, once they get where they’re potty trained, once they get where they can maintain their own, like at least some sort of responsibility.

Tiffany: Like they go to school. (laughing)

Jim: Go to school.

Jeremy: –then we could … then things are gonna get better. But what we found is that we had sort of drawn away from each other and that we were communicating, but it was very … I mean …

Tiffany: It was a lot about kids and it was a lot—

Jeremy: It was, yeah–

Tiffany: –about businesses—

Jeremy: –it was a lot [about]—

Tiffany: and that was …

Jeremy: –daily routine.

Jim: So, it was becoming a rut.

Jeremy: It was a rut. It was … it was more of like we were just communicating about our routine and not about us.

Jim: What did that drive you to do?

Jeremy: It drove me to just sort of, when I pulled away to myself, that I just felt like, wait a second. I’m not happy. This marriage is not happy. You know, at some point, we … I’m better off not being here.

Jim: But you didn’t—

Jeremy: It’s better …

Jim: –communicate that to Tiffany.

Jeremy: I didn’t communicate that to Tiffany, but I’m … I was more like …

Tiffany: I would’ve overreacted. I would’ve not … he knew, he felt like he couldn’t tell me that.

Jim: So, he was protecting himself and his own emotions. He wouldn’t expose that—

Jeremy: Right because–

Jim: –to you.

Jeremy: –when you bring up something little and she had overreacted about it, I knew something big you couldn’t bring up.

Tiffany: Yeah.

Jim: So, what’d you do? What’d you decide to do?

Jeremy: So, I decided to leave. And it was through a course of events that sort of became very difficult. But you know, I started to find that as a family, it wasn’t functioning well anymore and I thought, I would, you know, at some point, I told Tiffany after we’ve gotten back together, I said, “I would rather, at one point I got to where I would rather have actually just been … I want to be a good dad and be over here by myself and let you be a good mom, than continue to come home where this like unspoken tension of things and…

Tiffany: ‘Cause we weren’t screaming at each other.

Jeremy: No, we weren’t.

Tiffany: We weren’t like from the outside, neighbors, friends, community, you would never think we were on the verge of splitting up. You would’ve thought we were on the verge of bankruptcy maybe or …

Jim: There was some other stress.

Tiffany: Yeah.

John: So, people would see some stress, but it—

Tiffany: There would—

John: –they wouldn’t—

Tiffany: –just be this—

John: -guess the level.

Tiffany: –overindulgence of like, “Oh, they’ve got a Rover and they’ve got a big huge house and they’ve… they own this business now, too and this business.” And Jeremy started a school. He had a business with his father, importing, the publishing company. He had all these other things on his plate of just good. Ooh, that’s good. That’s good. That’s good. That’s fancy. But just because you can indulge, doesn’t mean you should. And I think in him describing the distraction, the distraction got so noisy and so loud and so chaotic, that we couldn’t hear God say, “Stop. Just stop.”

Jim: Right.

Tiffany: And we just couldn’t, so we … that … whatever little bit of silence we got, we were asleep.

Jim: Well, and he was choosing the distraction.

Jeremy: Right.

Jim: And that’s—

Tiffany: Right.

Jim: –I … if I could be bold enough, you’re speaking, Tiffany, to so many moms—

Tiffany: Uh-hm.

Jim: –they’re livin’ it right now. Or maybe they just came out of it, or they’re just about to go into it. But I would imagine just about every mom’s on your side right now and they’re saying to you, Jeremy, on behalf of all of us husbands, “You coward!”

Jeremy: Yeah.

Jim: “How come you couldn’t stick with it?” But all the guys are sayin’, “Jeremy, I totally understand what you were feeling.” You guys, this is classic marital strife–

Tiffany: Right.

Jim:–and especially with the young kids. And Jeremy, you did … you were pullin’ away. You were tryin’ to get out of there. What happened in that context? You pulled away. What was the conversation like when Jeremy turned to you, Tiffany, and said, “I’m leaving?”

Tiffany: It was initially a text that I had … I had strep throat one morning and he is very compassionate. He’s a caregiver and he slammed the antibiotic down on the … on the nightstand with a … just a little swallow of orange juice and he left. And I texted him and that wasn’t him. That just wasn’t him. And I remember texting him saying, “You know, you seem really off. I know I have strep throat. I know I’ve been pretty hard to live with for the last few days.” In my mind, it was just the last few days, not the last few years. (Laughing) And I … ‘cause I was very need[y], ‘cause my strep throat was exceptionally bad and I was just… I was incapable of really doing anything, so my mom had come to help watch the kids and I was lying in bed and I texted him and … and I said, “You’re just not yourself.” And the response instead of getting something back that was like, “I know; I’m just … I got a lot on my plate right now and I’m sorry I wasn’t as compassionate. I hope you feel better today.” That would’ve been the typical Jeremy.

Um, it was, “I’ve actually thought about separating from you.” And I texted him back and I said, “This is the worst joke you could ever play on me. We don’t even joke like that. Are you being serious right now?” And he said, “I’m being completely serious. I don’t want to spend the next 20 years of my life like this or the next 40 years or the next whatever. I have thought about it for a while and it’s just … I’m not really sure what to do.”

And I was like, “You need to call me. This is not a text conversation.” So, we ended up talking on the phone and he said, “I’m not joking around. I’ve not known how to say this to you, like so text or phone seems easier because I feel like you ‘re gonna just overreact.” And I don’t even know if he … I don’t know that you would call it overreacting. I mean, I … I was devastated. And it was the las …the… I don’t even think it was the last thing I was imagining. I wou… I would never have imagined him to say that at all. Like that just, it’s not even on the list of things to say.

Jim: So, even though you were miserable, you were gonna stick it out.

Tiffany: Well, ‘cause similar to what you said a second ago, I knew like, oh, we are surviving like we hear stories of people talking about, “Hey, when they get 5, 7 and 9, whew! You’re in the…just, they go to kindergarten and they go to second grade and you know, you get … “

Jim: You get your life back.

Tiffany: You get a little bit of your life back and you can breathe, da, da, da, da.

Jeremy: Which is amazing; which is amazing now. We’re there.

Tiffany: Which is where we’re at and I will say that they are at the age where it is quite fantastic. But in that moment it was just like, we will get through this, because I would never leave him. And as disconnected as I feel, like I do love him and I’m … and I’m in this for life, but we’re just gonna get through this. And I didn’t realize that he … he felt way worse than I did.

Jim: Yeah.

Tiffany: And I think my distractions were things that, not to put it on him as if he was doing something terribly wrong by keeping himself busy, but the things that were keeping me busy were not things I was putting on my plate. Like they were things that—

Jim: They were responsibilities.

Tiffany: –they were responsibilities. I am responsible to these three people and I’m responsible as Plumb to still maintain that some level of a little fan base and … and communicate with fans on some level, even if it’s not a full-blown tour because I’m in mommy land, I’ll still release a lullaby record, so that there’s, you know, still something for them, that I’m being faithful to that opportunity. But I think he would agree, I didn’t add stuff to my plate. I was definitely one that was like, oh, goodness, how can I … how can I strip this down? And just craving quality time and words of affirmation from him and not getting it.

Closing:

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller. And our guests today are Jeremy Lee and his wife, Tiffany Lee. And we really hope you’ll join us for part two of the conversation because that’s where we’ll hear how God intervened and brought new hope to this hurting couple.

Jim: Yes! And this was a terrible place to end the broadcast today, John. We quickly ran out of time just listening to the story being set up. And I hope you will come back next time for the continuation, and the God part, of this powerful story.

Please know that Focus is here to help assist in rescuing and strengthening your marriage relationship any way we can, because we believe that is God’s will. If you’re facing serious trouble with your spouse, I urge you to contact us. I can’t say it more strongly. Let us put you in touch with one of our Christian counselors. They have the skills and godly advice to help you get started on the right path of healing and hope.

And we mentioned Hope Restored at the beginning of this broadcast. That’s where we offer intensive counseling over several days to couples who are ready to call it quits. I mentioned many have signed divorce papers. But they want to give it one last try. That doesn’t have to be your story. Please, let us be part of God’s solution for your marriage. So, contact us today.

John: Yeah, we hope you’ll get in touch today. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Or you can donate online and get resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Coming up next time, the Lee’s will describe how God began to heal and transform their broken hearts.

Teaser:

Tiffany: I realized God needed to fix me. And the only thing I could control was me. And I realized that although Jeremy has left, and Jeremy has made some bad choices, I’ve been really hard to live with.

End of Teaser

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