Perhaps you’ve already considered the possibility of making some major lifestyle changes. Things such as downgrading your position, readjusting your financial requirements and standard of living would certainly be life-altering and reduce the demands currently upon you. Short of this, however, there are several tricks and strategies you can use to gain some ground in the battle you’re waging inside your mind.
The key is to learn what it takes for you to shift gears, slow down, and mentally change locations. When you get home, you want to be present in the moment with your wife and children. Though the struggle is psychological, you can fight it effectively with a few very simple physical weapons. Remember, the mind and the body are one. If you can get your body moving down a particular pathway – a pathway of your own conscious choosing – it can sometimes be easier to persuade the mind to follow.
The next time you find yourself driving home from work with the echoes of that afternoon’s business meeting replaying in your mind, consider pulling off the road a few blocks from your house. A nearby parking lot may serve the purpose. Shut off the engine and take five or ten minutes to regroup. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and utter a simple prayer. Say something like, “Lord, take me into Your hands. Grant me Your peace. Prepare me to focus on the task of loving the people who are waiting for me at home.”
Then get out of the car, walk around to the passenger side, and open the door. Ask Vice President X, Manager Y, and Client Z to step out of the vehicle. Let them know that while you respect them and value their contributions to the workplace, they haven’t been invited to come home with you. If necessary, speak these words aloud in a determined, forthright tone of voice. Then shut the door, walk back to the driver’s side, take your seat at the wheel, and drive off.
When you get home, see if you can arrange to spend ten or fifteen minutes alone with your spouse. Do this first – before engaging with the kids, sorting through the mail, flipping on the TV, or tackling the clogged drain in the bathroom. Sit down with your wife and have a quiet talk at the kitchen table. After that, go upstairs, take a shower, and change clothes. Hang up your suit and pull on your jeans. Assume the attitude and demeanor of a loving husband and caring father just as you would put on a comfortable old shirt. Perform whatever personal “rituals” you need to in order to shake off your work-based identity and leave your “office self” behind. Make yourself at home – one hundred percent. Concentrate on the moment and let business worries take care of themselves.
If you think it might be helpful to discuss these ideas and suggestions at greater length, call us. Our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone. They can also provide you with a list of referrals to trained therapists practicing in your area.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Revised
The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live Within Your Limits
Restoring Balance to Your Life
Timeless Tips for Building a Strong Family
Referrals
National Center for Fathering
Articles
The Involved Father
