Wife is Being Asked by Husband to Spice up Sex Life with Porn

There are a number of positive ways in which a couple can "spice up" their marriage relationship. Turning to pornography isn't one of them.

Based on what you've told us, we're assuming that your husband isn't a Christian. If neither one of you is believer, we'd urge you to learn everything you can about the biblical view of marriage and God's original design and intent for human sexuality. A good place to begin is Focus on the Family's Pure Intimacy website. The content of this site is dedicated entirely to helping couples and individuals recover the true heart of sexuality and the joy of marital satisfaction.

You may also want to call and discuss your question with one of our staff counselors. Each is a committed Christian, a licensed therapist whose views and approach are compatible with a biblical perspective. You may call at this number. Just ask for our counselors' assistant. Both this service and the return call come at no cost to you. Please accept them as a demonstration of our concern for you.

Pornography undermines the meaning of the marriage covenant. By asking to bring it into your bedroom, your husband is in effect saying that he wants to have multiple sex partners at the same time. That's bad enough, of course. But pornography is also powerfully addictive. Those who use it come to depend upon "partners" other than their own spouses. They reach a place where they need images in videos and magazines to stimulate sexual arousal. Like any other drug, porn tends to lose its potency over time. Eventually the addict has to have more and more to achieve the same "high." Many users end up gravitating toward hard core erotic material and even violent porn.

As you can tell, we think the use of pornography in marriage is a dangerous thing. If your husband can't see the sense of this argument, or if he refuses to join you in seeking counseling, you may wish to consult Dr. James Dobson's book Love Must Be Tough for possible solutions. It will help you develop the strength and courage you need into order to confront this issue head-on.

Resources
Winning the Battle Within: Realistic Steps to Overcoming Sexual Strongholds (book)

Think Before You Look! 40 Powerful Reasons to Avoid Pornography (book)

Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life (book)

Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis (book)

Understanding God's Sacred Design for Sex (broadcast)

Enjoying Intimacy in Your Marriage (broadcast)

Men: Maintaining Sexual Purity (broadcast)

Nothing to Hide: Hope for Marriages Hurt by Pornography and Infidelity (pdf)

Digital Pornography Addiction: What You Need to Know and Where to Find Help (online booklet)

Referrals
Pure Intimacy - a Focus on the Family Web site offering articles and resources that assist both men and women in the pursuit of God-honoring sexual purity, and recovery and redemption from sexual brokenness.

Be Broken Ministries - Serves men (married, single, or divorced) and couples affected by pornography and other sexual struggles and strongholds.

Articles
PornographyAndVirtualInfidelity

Dealing With Pornography and Internet Addiction

Pornography

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