Financial Intimacy

Do we have to talk about money? That’s such a mood killer. We are aware of that. The number one topic married couples disagree over is money (or usually the lack of it). Money may not seem at all related to red-hot monogamy, but it is. You’ll be glad you both set aside some time to really plan and prepare in the area of finances when you finally have saved up enough to head to Cancun, the Bahamas, Hawaii, Greece, Europe, or the Far East.

What could you do on a financial getaway that would lead to red-hot monogamy?

Crown Financial Ministries has some wonderful resources that can help you and your mate get on the same page financially. We bought The Debt Diet by Ellie Kay for all of our children. (We are saving a copy for our “still yet to go to college and face the real world” high school son.) In addition, if you are always under the gun every month, struggling to make ends meet or floundering under a mountain of debt, then a trip to a nonprofit agency that can help you negotiate a more effective and doable debt repayment plan will help you breathe again, and thus give you back a little life (as you trade worry for precious time together).

If you are struggling financially, now is not the time to splurge on some fancy getaway. Instead, see if some friends or relatives can take the kids for 24 hours. First, take time to pray together, and then take time to work through one of the financial resources listed above or head to the debt counselor. After that, reward yourselves for creating a new budget or workable financial plan with a nice simple candlelit dinner at home. (Even mac and cheese or spaghetti looks more romantic under candlelight.) Draw up a bubble bath for two, maybe drink a little sparkling cider, turn on some romantic music, and dance your cares away. Sleep in late, have a simple breakfast in bed, and then make love all over again. We promise if you have sex twice in a 24-hour period, even the low checkbook balance won’t suspend your smile.

You don’t have to be rich to have a sensational sex life. Remember, we spent years pastoring a small church, and when we started writing books, it sure helped offset the cost of feeding three athletic sons. We have romance on a shoestring down to a science.

Here are just a few of our favorite ideas:

  • Take a walk to a scenic view in your city.
  • Bike to the park.
  • Swing at the park and list off your mate’s best traits A to Z.
  • Check out a book from the library and read it together.
  • Get a book of romantic poetry while at the library and read to each other.
  • Have the dinner you were going to eat at the table on the rooftop instead.
  • Go to the mall and try on free cologne and perfume.
  • Play one of the kids’ games (chess, checkers, backgammon, cards). The winner gets their choice of how to receive sex.
  • Do free recreation: basketball or tennis at the park (or play badminton naked and use your bed as the net).
  • Undress each other by candlelight to the tune of “your song.”

Absolutely none of the above costs a dime (if you have the sports equipment for badminton sitting around, that is).

We have embraced these verses whenever we think about how to keep our sex life alive on a budget:

Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, “Who is the Lord?” Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God (Proverbs 30:8-9).

Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6, emphasis added).

Just talking about how you can actually live within your means – or if you have plenty, setting a standard of living and then praying about how to invest, share, or give away the plenty – will help bring a sense of calmness to your relationship. If you are not always chasing the almighty dollar, or if you decide you don’t want to keep up with the Joneses, this getaway will be well worth your time.

Kelly and Sam were one young couple that always seemed to be struggling. They were working two jobs each and never having time for one another while they did the tag team approach to parenting their toddlers. After a financial getaway, they decided enough was enough and they set in motion a plan to move from expensive Southern California to the Midwest, where housing prices were a fraction of what they were paying. In the heartland they found their pace and rediscovered the passion that produced their toddlers.

Bruce and Kate are a mature couple who are nearing retirement. After a weekend away, they decided to take the early retirement option at the company for which they both worked. They longed to spend retirement traveling and doing volunteer work while they were still young and healthy enough to enjoy it.

From Red-Hot Monogamy, published by Harvest House Publishers. © 2006 Bill and Pam Farrel. Used by permission.

Next in this Series: Recreational Intimacy