Back to the Future

couple dancing in grass field

Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

When you were a kid, you probably had opportunities—whether lying in bed at night or simply looking out the window—to dream big dreams. You envisioned being an astronaut, or a scientist, or a famous singer. But as you got older, those dreams likely gave way to real life and the world of routines and responsibilities. Now you’re married and juggling a career, childrearing, and a thousand other challenges. Who has time to dream big when you’re stuck in survival mode?

But here’s the deal: dreaming—and especially dreaming together, as a couple—can greatly enhance your marital intimacy. There is something beautiful about two souls imagining a future together and then working every day toward that distant vision or goal. Dreaming implies that you anticipate a hopeful future together. And it deepens your level of intimacy and connection because it allows you to look into your mate’s heart. This is the essence of “two becoming one” in marriage! Instead of two people going in different directions and pursuing their own goals, a merging occurs.

Your combined abilities, experiences, and passions create an incredibly God-blessed synergy. As you dream together, you are imagining great works being accomplished for the Lord—through your marriage! As Dr. Neil Clark Warren writes, “Magnificent marriages involve two people who dream magnificently. The partners encourage each other to dig deeper and dream bigger, and in the process they get in touch with a level of being and doing that would otherwise be beyond them.”

This week’s Date Night is all about looking to the future—and dreaming big!


Remember: always act like you’re trying to get a second date! Just because you’re already married doesn’t mean you should stop trying to “woo” your spouse. Put on nice clothes, and wear perfume or cologne. Be polite and open doors. Show affection for one another by holding hands, cuddling and stealing kisses. Set aside arguments and agree to talk about the issue at a later time.

Step 1: Go someplace different for dinner.

Instead of visiting the same familiar locations and eating the same old food, pick somewhere new or try a different type of cuisine.

Step 2: Do something goal-oriented.

Try to come up with an activity that requires setting a goal and working as a couple to achieve it. You want it to be something fun, of course, but also something that you can work on together. For example: 

  • Take a pottery class and create a decorative masterpiece for your home. 
  • Cook a gourmet meal together. 
  • Put together a complex puzzle, and then have it laminated and framed to commemorate your achievement. 
  • Visit an indoor obstacle course and work together to complete it in the allotted time.

Step 3: Relax and unwind.

After your activity, go someplace quiet for dessert or coffee. Answer the following questions. Be sure to keep your responses positive, uplifting and encouraging. 

  • What was your favorite part of the evening? 
  • What is the one thing you learned tonight that you didn’t know about me before? 
  • We tackled a short-term goal tonight. How can we use those principles to pursue some of our long-term goals and dreams for our marriage and family?

Step 4: Home Sweet Home.

As you drive home, spend time planning your next date. Also, think about other ways you can foster intimacy by “dreaming big” together. Once you get home, however, it’s up to you what happens next. Have a great final adventure!

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© 2014 Focus on the Family.