How Prayer Can Lead To Deeper Intimacy In Your Marriage

Illustration of a sequence of a man holding a sign that reads stop, followed by him dropping to his knees, then folding his hands to pray
Mark Watkinson

My wife and I were in a heated argument in our living room, struggling to bring the conflict to some kind of resolution. In our own strength and wisdom, we were failing. Suddenly I remembered that a few days earlier I'd had a dream about an argument in our living room. In the dream, I walked over to my wife in the middle of the conflict, wrapped my arms around her and prayed. She melted in my arms. Could I hold her and pray with her now, in this real-life argument?

At once I felt a new selflessness.

I realized the most important thing was not winning the argument; it was pleasing my God and loving my wife. So I embraced my wife and began to pray with her. In that moment, all our anger, frustration and defensiveness disappeared, and we felt a tender unity that had seemed impossible just moments earlier. We were experiencing the power of prayer.

United in prayer

There may have been times when you desired to pray with your wife. Maybe you felt the Holy Spirit prodding you, but something stopped you. Perhaps you thought you would sound stupid or your wife wouldn't want you to pray. Those are all lies straight from the Enemy. He knows that prayer will draw you and your wife closer to each other and to God.

God created a husband and wife to become one, united with Him. When a husband prays with his wife, they are united spiritually before God. As you pray, remember you're sharing your heart with the God of the universe, the One who loves you most. He wants to hear everything you feel, even if you're mad at Him. That is true intimacy — and it's that kind of intimacy you're striving for with your wife.

Because praying with your wife can be intimidating at first, it's often a good idea to start by just lying on your bed together and praying silently. When finished, both of you can say, "Amen."

Opening up to each other

As time goes by, start saying some of your prayers out loud. As you begin hearing each other's voices, you will become more comfortable and be able to expose more of your heart to God and to each other.

One thing to keep in mind is that most men don't naturally possess the desire and power to pray with their wife consistently. Where does such a desire and passion come from? It cannot be mustered or created by our own efforts or willpower. The desire and passion for us to pray with, for and over our wife comes only from a deep, devoted love for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Husbands, if you want your marriage to glorify God, it must be grounded in prayer. Without it, your marriage will never reach its full potential. You can learn more about your wife and her heart during prayer time than any other time of the day. Consistent, sincere and concentrated prayer will do infinitely more than any human strategy to improve your marriage.

Mike Guindon is the co-founder of MJ Guindon Marriage Ministry. He and his wife, Jill, lead the Fail Proof Your Marriage conferences.

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This article first appeared in the February/March 2019 issue of Focus on the Family magazine and was originally titled "Stop, Drop and Pray." If you enjoyed this article, read more like it in Focus on the Family's marriage and parenting magazine. Get this publication delivered to your home by subscribing to it for a gift of any amount.
© 2019 by Mike Guindon. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

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