How to Write a Love Note to Your Spouse

By Dr. Mike Bechtle
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Close up of the tip of a fountain pen writing in cursive on a lined piece of paper
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
A love note doesn't have to be flowery or sappy. It's just a way to express your love for your spouse in a way they'll understand.

My wife, Diane picked up her three friends and drove to the restaurant where they were having lunch.  I didn’t know where they were going but saw her car when I stopped at our bank in the same parking lot.

On a whim, I wrote a love note. I took one of my business cards and folded it in half backward.  Then, drew a little heart on one side, opened her car, propped the card on the dashboard and then left it for her to find.

When they got back in the car, her friends saw it first.  It was an “accidental love note” because it made her feel loved — especially when her friends gushed over it.  

A love note doesn’t have to be flowery words or sappy sentiment.  For guys, that’s a tough one — which is why men buy Valentine cards written by professional writers, even though it feels artificial. Women face the same challenge: how can they express their love for their spouse in a way that connects with them?

Romance looks different to different people, and there are no rules to a love note.  But advertisements and movies show it in a certain way, and we assume it’s the only way.  Two questions need to be considered:

What’s the goal of a love note?

A love note is putting your feelings in writing instead of saying it out loud.  The purpose is to make a deep, emotional connection with your spouse, not a logical one.  You married them for a relationship, not as a project.  Love notes aren’t an obligation; they’re a privilege you can’t do with anyone else, and they make your love “sticky.”

How should I say it?

Make it a surprise. Don’t save love notes for holidays and birthdays; they have more impact when they’re spontaneous and unexpected.  Before going to work, leave a stickie on the bathroom mirror that says, “I’ll miss you today.” Send a text mid-day that says, “Eating alone – lunch is better when it’s with you.”  Pack a note in their suitcase so they’ll find it during a trip.  Text them a picture of something that makes you think of them.

Make it natural.  Don’t use long, flowery language if that’s not who you are.  Just focus on what they want and need to hear.  If they’re feeling insecure, say “I’m here for you.”  If they’re struggling, say “I believe in you.”  Anytime, you can say, “I like you today.”

Make it specific and personal.  Don’t just say, “You make me happy.”  Tell them what they did yesterday that made you smile. The more specific, the more impact it will have.  It affirms that the way they’re loving you is working.

Love notes can be a powerful way to build a connection with your spouse, and you don’t have to be a writer.  Just be a lover — and put your own words in writing.

It’s a simple way to add glue to your relationship!

© 2020 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Originally published on

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