To support your spouse in achieving his or her goals and dreams, you might have to give up some of your priorities or even step out of your comfort zone, like the family in the film, Unsung Hero. In that movie, the Smallbone family unrooted their lives in Australia and moved to the United States to help father David achieve his goals. Despite many doubts and setbacks, his wife Helen stood by him the whole time and supported him.
My Story
After I finished my doctorate, my wife, Erin, decided to earn a master’s degree in clinical psychology. I was teaching at her school, and the president asked if I wanted to present her diploma during the graduation ceremony. I told Erin about the plan, and she loved it.
“However,” I explained, “when I hand you the diploma, instead of shaking your hand, I’m going to kiss you.”
On graduation day, I handed her the diploma and planted the most epic kiss right on her lips. The crowd gasped and seemed so shocked that the president, who was presiding over the ceremonies, said, “Relax! That’s her husband.”
The Desire of Your Heart
God has placed passions in your spouse’s heart — like Erin’s dream of earning a master’s degree. First Samuel 14 describes a time when God placed a powerful desire within Jonathan: to attack a Philistine outpost with his young armor-bearer. I can only imagine the fear that the armor-bearer must have felt as Jonathan ordered him to start climbing a cliff so the two of them could attack a Philistine garrison. But his response was amazing — and it’s exactly how I want to act toward Erin’s dreams. “His armor-bearer said to him, ‘Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul’ ” (1 Samuel 14:7).
I tried to be like the young armor-bearer when I encouraged Erin’s dream of getting a master’s degree. But being with her “heart and soul” meant more than just verbal and financial support. I arranged to work from home one day a week and made a commitment of my time. Erin worked three years to finish her thesis and clinical hours.
Reaching Goals Together
Before you can support your spouse’s dreams, you have to find out what those dreams are. One easy way of doing that is to ask about your spouse’s bucket list — things he or she wants to do before dying.
I love discovering Erin’s desires so that I can become her dream maker. She wants to earn a doctorate, skydive, visit the Holy Land and hit 50 years of marriage.
How might you be like the young armor-bearer in regard to your spouse’s dreams?
Dr. Greg Smalley is the vice president of Marriage and Family formation at Focus on the
Family. You can listen to our Podcast: A Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage for more on learning to share each other’s dreams.
