Help your teen move from receiving to giving — using these six simple strategies.
We spent the afternoon cleaning and decluttering our elderly friend’s kitchen. My two teenage sons carried trash bags out throughout the afternoon until we eventually found the kitchen counters. Though the afternoon was long, my hope was my teens would see that Christmas is not all about a “Christmas wish list.”
As we piled into the car after the exhausting afternoon, one of the boys said, “That was a lot of work, but she really needed the help. I think she appreciated it.”
The other said, “I’m sorry I had a bad attitude going into this. We really made a difference for her. I think it’s the best Christmas present she might get this year.” I smiled and thought, I think this experience might be the best Christmas present you boys get this year!
The holidays can bring out the “gimmes” in all of us. Add to that marketing mayhem, teenage hormones, and a focus on “what do you want for Christmas?” and our teens will naturally lean toward receiving rather than giving. With the internet asking you to constantly add to your “wish list”, it can be easy to get distracted.
How can we help our teens focus more on others during the holidays? Here are six strategies my husband and I found helpful:
Every year our church has a child sponsorship opportunity. Cut-out names hang from a tree where you can select a child to shop for during Christmas. It’s much easier for me to pick a name, shop for a present and wrap it. It was much more effective, however, for my teens to each pick a name and do their own shopping and wrapping. If your family can deliver the gifts together, it’s a bonus to see firsthand the joy of giving to others who have much less than you do.
Sometimes we send unintentional messages without realizing it. From a young age, we encourage kids to make Christmas wish lists. They sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what they want. They look forward to opening the presents under the tree with their name on them.
As parents, we can help to change that by simply changing the dialogue we have with our kids about gifts! We can ask them what they plan to give, not what they hope to get. By doing this, you encourage your teens to take ownership of what they give to others and be intentional with their gift giving.
Talk about the needs around them: neighbors, friends, grandparents and siblings. Can they give one gift that doesn’t have to be wrapped in red and green paper but would mean a lot to a loved one? This teaches our teens to pay attention to details and consider what’s important or might bring joy to others. It also shows your teens that giving up their time and serving someone is a gift.
When teens get a job, they need a parent to help them learn how to manage their money. We helped our kids create a paycheck worksheet that they used to set priorities and decide in advance how they would divide their money once it was earned. Of course tithing and saving were at the top of the list, but setting aside a portion of each paycheck for Christmas giving made the cut, too. It might just be $5 a paycheck, but over a year that becomes a robust Christmas budget for a teen!
Brainstorm with your teens who they think would be blessed by your holiday baking. Then make it a family affair to bake, decorate, package up, and deliver the goodies. Encourage them to make a list of people who have to work on Christmas day, as a family you can make handwritten thank you notes to attach to the baked goods. Not only does it help them give back, but it creates a trend of thankfulness as well.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in Christmas crazy and forget what the season is really about. When you pray before meals, thank God for the gift of His Son. When you shop for an Angel Tree gift together, remind your teen that we give to others because God first gave Jesus to us. Teens don’t respond to lectures as well as they do to casual conversation. Ask God to show you natural opportunities to talk about the real reason for Christmas.
Our teens grow more independent every day, but they still need us to lead them. The holidays are a great time to do that. My boys weren’t excited about helping out our elderly friend, but I knew their hearts needed the experience.
Jill Savage is the co-author of No More Perfect Kids: Love your kids for who they are.
Jill Savage is an international speaker and author of 14 parenting books including No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Kids and No More Perfect Marriages.
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