Age & Stage
Dolphin, Elephant, Free-range? Why settle for just one?
New parenting styles seem to be appearing every day. Yet claiming one style makes me laugh because kids are not one size fits all. They need time, conversation, teaching, guidance, patience and prayer. Parenting is not about perfection, but instead about becoming a student of your child.
Most people are doing the best they can. As parents, though, we want guarantees that our kids will come out right—just like cakes from the oven. We can easily cling to quick fix styles of parenting, but these styles leave much to be desired when employed alone. However, each offers at least one takeaway for how you can continue to grow as a parent.
1. Dolphin Parents prioritize play, exploration, relationships, and downtime. They’re intentional with their family’s time.
Here is the takeaway:
2. Elephant Parents emphasize the attachment of parents and children. They value closeness and connection, which are both essential; however, boundaries need to be taught along the way.
Here are the takeaways:
3. Tiger Parents demand excellence and have high expectations. These can be high-strung parents who cause burn out fast. Work is play for these parents, as they use a more of an authoritarian/strict style of parenting and demand excellence.
Here is the takeaway:
4. Free-range Parents value independence and want kids to figure things out for themselves. They focus on allowing their children to problem solve and adapt without much guidance or supervision. This can be very dangerous. Kids are not developmentally ready to reason through many decisions on their own. Remember you are the parent for a reason. Be aware of what is appropriate for your child’s stage of life.
Here are the takeaways:
5. Helicopter Parents desire to control every aspect of their child’s life. These parents value safety above all else. Unfortunately, research is confirming that kids with helicopter parents become more anxious and depressed than kids who have not been raised this way.
Here is the takeaway:
6. Lawnmower or Snow-plow Parents like to clear the way for their kids. They want to eliminate obstacles, challenges, and problems so their children will easily find success and thus happiness.
Here is the takeaway:
The difficulty with parenting is that we need bits and pieces of each style, which is why I love the ideas provided through the seven traits of effective parenting. A 7-trait parent should be loving, respectful, intentional, grateful, adaptable, set good boundaries and limits and show grace and forgiveness. This isn’t always easy. And that is why we have prepared the article series, 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, to help along the way.
Parenting has predictable moments like eating breakfast and running late. It also has unpredictable moments like kids throwing up, getting upset, or hitting another child. This is why choosing a formula and applying it to all situations is problematic. Parenting depends on the child’s needs, wants, mood, personality, and maturity.
This means we, as parents, have to wrestle through our vast universe of emotions, questions, what ifs, comparisons and self-doubts. Ultimately, we should ask God to lead us in the right direction.
Each child needs unique guidance. Deuteronomy 6:4-8 tells us to teach our children diligently and consistently. God’s word also tells us we will face adversity, yet we can be strengthened through Him.
Remember, each day you get to learn, adjust, and grow in your parenting style. God gives us thousands of hours and hundreds of days, so there are plenty of learning moments that can transform you and your kids.
It really is a great adventure, so enjoy and pursue victories, not perfection!