Although it may be a difficult concept for many to grasp, dating is a relatively modern idea and not something directly addressed in the Bible. Historically, families and communities shaped romantic relationships through courtships and arranged marriages, often based on economic and social compatibility. The term “dating” didn’t come into the picture until around 1896. Following that, free love, digital dating, and all that we know dating to be today, emerged.
The Bible contains numerous references to marriage, but nothing about the dating standard we have set up societally. If dating isn’t directly addressed in the Bible, yet it plays such a big role in our lives- how should we respond?
In the Bible, we see three types of relationship statuses: single, engaged (betrothed), and married. This reflects a kingdom culture that stands in contrast to the modern concept of dating as defined by today’s world.
God Created Us For Union
Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
While the Bible doesn’t specifically mention dating, that doesn’t mean God is silent on relationships-actually far from it! God created us for connection and all the blessings that come with it. However, He honors covenants, not boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Be in Covenant Before the Lord
As we pursue the process of seeking a spouse, we need to keep covenant in mind. We are children of God and until we are in a covenant relationship, we should not be giving away parts of ourselves that belong to Him. God calls us to treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ until entered into a covenant before Him. Song of Solomon 8:4 says, “ I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”
God also calls us to turn from anything that leads us into sexual immorality. People often bring this into modern dating relationships. We must remember that God is for us, and He sets boundaries to protect us. Today’s dating culture often blurs the lines. Many couples act as if they are already married- sharing emotional and physical intimacy- before entering the covenant of marriage. This falls short of God’s design for us.
We should be analyzing how someone would fit into our life, not moving into a stage of intimate connection. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-19 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?”
Singleness Brings Undistracted Freedom
1 Corinthians 7:32-34 says, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”
This passage highlights that singleness offers a unique kind of freedom that marriage does not. In our season of singleness, we should keep our hearts and priorities fully devoted to the Lord, not divided. The opportunity of singleness gives us time to draw closer to the Lord prior to marriage.
We are to stand firm in the ways of Lord and not conform to the standards of dating the world has constructed. Romans 12:1-2 says, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Our priority in this season of singleness should be the Lord. We are to turn from our youthful thoughts, standards, and desires and commit wholeheartedly to the Lord’s ways. Treat your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit; lust never satisfies! 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
How to Seek a Spouse Biblically
If you are hearing all of this for the first time, you are likely questioning many things, but don’t worry! You are not alone. We are all walking through this together, learning to discern what does and doesn’t align with God’s design.
There are so many love stories in the Bible and examples of how we are to join together with another person in marriage, but how do we go about finding that person if the Bible doesn’t instruct us on how to date?
Our main focus should be marriage and commitment. Many of us have heard the term “date for marriage”, which is something that truly is so important. But, before all of that, we need to be right before the Lord. We are to honor Him in every way and invite Him into all situations, including the search for a spouse.
We are to seek out, pursue, and act in relationships in a God honoring way. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
Fully surrender your desires to the Lord and watch Him work! Remember, His way is greater, and He knows better than we do. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Another way to seek out a spouse is to date in groups and receive counsel from others. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Surrounding yourself with Christ-loving people who know you best and letting them provide you with direction produces wisdom. In addition, you can increase the opportunity to meet a godly spouse by hanging out in places where they are likely to be! Church and Bible study groups are great places to connect with people pursuing the Lord.
Who We Should Seek
Now you might be thinking: after learning how to seek a spouse in a God-honoring way, what qualities should we look for?
It is essential to run the same race as someone, pursuing the same purpose-not heading in two different directions. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” Seek someone who inspires and encourages you to grow deeper in your relationship with the Lord. When aligned on the big things, the rest will work itself out!
Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” We are to trust God with EVERY aspect of our life, which includes our dating life. Listen for his voice, be led by peace through the spirit, and know that He hears your prayers.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Throughout this stage of evaluating another person for marriage, guard your heart. Know your worth and find someone who honors it. Stand firm in the promises of the Lord! Turn from the temptations and ways the world wants you to follow! God has so much more in store for you!
Challenge for you:
We challenge you to surrender your wants and desires to the Lord, trusting that He holds them in his hands and is working- many times in ways we cannot see.
Recognize that the ways of this world may have taught you a version of relationships that doesn’t align with God’s word. If you have been living according to those patterns, ask God for forgiveness. Then, ask Him to transform your heart to seek Him first and prioritize His kingdom above all else.
Finally, pray for His peace to guide you as you navigate the journey of singleness. Ask for discernment, strength, and clarity as you seek a spouse in a way that honors Him.
Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
