Is there a predestined man for me or do I just get to choose from the possibilities that come my way?
Is there a “one” for you or is it just a matter of making a good choice among the options that present themselves?
These are all good questions, and I think they are issues that lots of single women ponder. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s only one for each of us. I think, theoretically, we could make a good life with a variety of husbands — if we’re willing to do the work necessary for any good relationship. The only real requirement Scripture gives for a marriage partner is that we be equally yoked. Beyond that, it’s mostly common sense and hard work.
Of course you should look for the confirmation of friends and family that the man you’ve chosen is a good match. And you should be better as a couple than you are apart: emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Finally, since Scripture commands wives to respect their husbands, you should choose a man you admire and are able to respect (even when he doesn’t deserve it).
It’s tempting to think there’s one perfect man — a “soul mate” — for each of us. It’s certainly a romantic ideal, but not very practical. And this ideal carries a host of dangers; the most obvious being that if you think you’ve found “the one,” how do you explain the difficult times that arise — and they will — after you say “I do”? Even perfectly matched couples will encounter trials in their relationship. The Bible promises as much.
The answer to the question “Is there just one?“ remains a mystery. But you can know for certain that once you are married, whomever you’ve wed becomes the one. At that point you are committed for life. Period.
Assuming that choosing a mate is about making the most of the opportunities you encounter — or in the manner of olden days, choosing the most eligible man in your village — you then worry that you “will make more bad choices.” This fear is why I believe so strongly in the importance of Christian community, including a Bible-believing and teaching church, a group of Christian friends and mentor relationships. Proverbs 13:20 says, “when you walk with the wise, you will be wise.” Good advice. Keep seeking wisdom from fellow believers and especially older women (Titus 2:3-5). These are the relationships that can help save you the pain and heartache of “more bad choices.”
