Preview:
Rob Parsons: There is no better place to bring our prodigals than the foot of this cross. As we cry out sometimes some broken hearts, Lord, wherever they are, touch them. Be with them. You love them more than us. By Your grace, bring them home.
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John Fuller: Hmm, what a heartfelt prayer that, uh, any of us, uh, who have a prodigal in our lives can use. That’s Rob Parsons and you’re gonna hear more of his own experience with children who have left the faith on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John, Rob is a great friend to this ministry. He’s somebody that I’ve known since the 1980s. In fact, he’s one of the founders of our sister organization, Care for the Family, there in the UK. And as you’re about to hear, Rob has experienced prodigal situations with both of his children and he’s very vulnerable and open about that. And I know many, many parents have gone through a situation where one or more of your children have walked away from the faith and has caused you such anxiety. Um, so stick with us today because Rob will encourage you that there is hope in Christ and His love for your child.
John: Mm-hmm. And for this presentation, Rob is using as a text, one of my all-time favorite passages in scripture. Uh, Luke 15, many people know it as the prodigal son, but when I read it, Jim, I see it as the forgiving father.
Jim: That’s a great way to look at it, John.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Uh, now Rob has written many bestselling books and today he’s working from one of my favorites. It’s called Bringing Home the Prodigals.
John: Yeah, and you can get a copy of that from us here. Uh, the proceeds go right back into ministry when you do. Uh, details are at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast or give us a call. Our number is 800-the letter and the word FAMILY. Let’s go ahead now and hear from Rob Parsons speaking in Naples, Florida, at an event sponsored by Focus on the Family.
Rob: It’s the ancient story of the boy who broke his father’s heart. What in essence he said to his father was, “I wish you were dead already.” And he went to a far country and one day he ends up in a pigsty somewhere and he thinks, I wanna go home. And he makes up a speech. “Father, I’ve sinned against heaven and against you. I’m no more worthy to be called your son.” And I’m no doubt as he’s walking home, he is rehearsing that little speech in his heart.
What he doesn’t know is every day since he left, the old man has climbed onto the flat roof of the little house and he’s looking down the road. And when he sees his boy, he starts to run. Sophisticated men did not run in the Middle East, but this man cannot stop running. And he throws his arms around the boy’s neck, and the boy begins his speech, but he never finishes it because the father’s saying, put a robe on his back and a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet, “My boy’s home.” It’s an incredible, uh, story.
It all began for me about eight years ago in the National Exhibition Center in Birmingham, a wonderful organization had called together 4,000 people for Saturday of Prayer for Prodigals. And I prepared a message on prodigals. It was in my pocket, I was ready to speak it, but sometimes God ambushes us, and they directed a huge cross like the one we have here. And during the day, they invited people to write their names of prodigals on a little card and come and lay them at the foot of the cross for prayer. After an hour, they asked me if I would leave the stage and come and stand by the cross and pray with people.
So I get up to do my duty. But by the time I get there, there are tens of thousands of names there. The names are spilling off the little table. It seemed to me that the pain of the world was at the foot of that cross. Bring Jack home, Susan, Peter, Charlie. I have two children; Dianne and I have Katie and Lloyd. Katie’s 30 now and Lloyd’s 27. I thank God for where my kids are, uh, right now. I thank God for what He’s done in their lives in those intervening years. But I can tell you those years ago, it was a little different.
And I remember laying Katie’s name at the foot of the cross. And I remember laying Lloyd’s name at the foot of the cross. And I remember thinking, this is not how I thought life would be. And then I started to cry. I could not stop crying. I never did get to preach the message in my pocket. But God laid a message on my heart that eventually went to that little book you have. It is an embarrassingly simple message. I don’t pretend that it’s new or, or kind of, uh, wonderfully in vogue. It is a embarrassingly simple message. But He laid it on my heart, and I want to share it briefly with you.
The first, ladies and gentlemen is very sad. It is this, “We have made prodigals, I cannot speak of your nation, but I can speak of mine. We have made prodigals of some who never, ever did turn their back on God. They never did turn their back on God. They turned their back on something else. Sometimes we almost created prodigals. We made them prodigals.” My mum and dad didn’t go to church. Dad was a postman. Mum was an office cleaner. We had a very poor little home. We, we didn’t have inside toilet or running hot water, or as I told a thousand businessmen the other day, even toilet paper. Don’t even ask.
Audience: (laughs)
Rob: Uh, but even a little poor home, but there was a little church on the corner of my street, a little gospel hall. And my mum and dad sent me along to that. Ms. Williams, the Sunday school teacher, came to get me when I was four years old. She held my hand and took me down the street into the world of Sunday School. Recently they asked me to speak at their 100th anniversary. And I’m sat there, and they put up photographs of old Sunday school parties. And suddenly there I am age seven, smiling out of this photograph. And as I leave, somebody tugs my coat and I turn and she says, “Do you remember me?” “Ms. Williams?” I thought she was a hundred when she came to get me when I was four, I only just stopped myself saying, “You’re still alive.”
And you know it’s kind of in to knock your Christian roots, but I won’t do that. They were wonderful people, but they did get some things wrong. I remember when I was about 20 years old, I sat in church. And my friends are 20 and 21 and they’re engaged to be married. And they will be married soon, and she becomes pregnant. And I knew that that was wrong, I understood that. But what I didn’t understand was something that happened in that service. I remember one of the leaders getting up and saying that, “Because of the great shame this couple had brought on this little fellowship, they could no longer, uh, be part of our church.”
I knew that my friends had done wrong. I understood that, but it seemed to me that a deeper wrong was going on. I didn’t have much understanding of Christian truth, but I knew that something terrible was happening. I remember going to one of the leaders and saying, “You know what? You’re meant to be the shepherd of the sheep. You’re meant to put your arms around them when they break a leg. Not, not kick them out.” We didn’t see that couple for 35 years. And Dianne and I were in church one day and here they come, gray-haired. They’ve been faithful to each other all those years. They have brought that child up all those years. Were they prodigals? I doubt it. We made them prodigals.
And ladies and gentlemen, we have done that not over issues like that. We have done it over little issues. We have made young people prodigals ’cause the color of their hair. Vicar’s wife wrote to me shortly after I wrote the book. She said, “My boy of 16 stopped coming to church. But the other Easter Sunday, he said, ‘Mom, dad, I want to come to church.’ We were thrilled.” The vicar and his wife’s thrilled their son wanted to come to church. She had; the only problem is he wears a baseball hat everywhere. And she said, “We’re in church on a Sunday morning’s, got this baseball hat on. And we can both hear the whispers and feel the stares that say, ‘Why has he got a hat on in church? And why has the Vicar’s son got a hat on in church?'”
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not stupid. I know it’s better he didn’t have a hat on in church, but I doubt heaven was holding committee meetings about it. Somehow every generation has to say to God, “Heavenly Father, help me know what matters.” Because some things do matter. They matter to God. And we have a message our lives with… this is not a matter of compromise. The incredible thing is not that Jesus ate with sinners, you’d expect them to. The incredible thing is that sinners ate with Jesus. He was the holy one without compromise, but they wanted to be near Him. Some things matter, but in every generation we have to say, “Heavenly Father, help me to know the things that really matter to you. Really matter to you.”
God forbid we make some prodigals over tiny issues. Jesus said it to the religious leaders of His time. A woman came up to me some years ago, she said, “Rob, when I was 19, a woman in my church said to me, ‘You know, Suzanne, godly women don’t wear Doc Marten boots.'” Ladies and gentlemen, we smile at it, but it is a great tragedy. We have done that to people. When I was 15, I didn’t understand school very well. My mom could read and write, but not much more than that. We only had a couple of books in our home. Uh, when I was 15, my school reports said I’d come 34th, there are 34 kids in my class. It said, he’s making no use of what little ability he has.
I understand that. I, I don’t argue with it. I didn’t understand school. It was a foreign country to me. Total foreign country, didn’t understand it. I, all I want to is be a rock and roll singer and I’m about to drop outta church. And in that sense, perhaps I’m a prodigal. And I can remember I got an Elvis Presley style haircut and a leather jacket. And I, and I’m smoking and I’m walking down the road one day, and old Arthur Tovey comes up to me. The man who changed my life died a fortnight ago.
He was the most conservative Christian I have ever known, but he had a heart a mile big. Arthur had never passed an academic examination. Arthur and his wife were poor. They lived in two rooms in his mother’s house. Arthur and his wife were told at that time they could not have children of their own. I’ve discovered such couples often have hundreds of children. Arthur was the worst public speaker you’ve ever heard. He had a very bad speech impediment. Arthur had little understanding of theology. He had not passed an academic examination in his life, but he loved kids.
And although he was so conservative and I don’t understand this, he had a heart that just reached out to prodigals. I remembered him coming up to me, and perhaps he could smell the smoke on my breath, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He never ever mentioned it, in fact. He said, “Rob, next Wednesday I’m doing a little Bible study in my home. Would you like to come?” Ladies and gentlemen, when all you wanna do is walk onto the stage in Las Vegas dressed in gold lamé, a Bible study on a Wednesday night is not the greatest offer you’ve ever had.
But he was a brilliant psychologist. He taught me the Bible for 25 minutes. And then in that tiny home he erected a table tennis table with two bits of hardboard. And we played ping pong with the bats up against our chests. If the ball went under the table, it was an engineering job to get it out. And with what little money he had, he bought us fish and chips. And as we’re coming back from the chip shop and the vinegar was seeping through the paper, Margaret had the tea brewing. When you walk into Arthur’s home, you felt like a king.
No matter what teachers thought about you, Arthur told you that you were special, that God had given you gifts. When I was 17, he said, “Rob, I believe God has given you a gift of public speaking.” I said, “Arthur, don’t even think about it. I don’t even put my hand up in class. I don’t take part in debates or drama. Don’t even think about it.” He said, “Well, I think God has and I’m gonna teach you.” That was scary. He was the worst public speaker you have ever heard. And he got an old flannel graph out. I dunno if you remember those things, you, you stuck characters on them. And he taught me to teach the parable of the Prodigal Son to children. Kind of interesting seeing what I’m involved in now. He taught me to do that.
When I was 39, the Law Society of England in Wales invited me to be one of their keynote speakers to a thousand lawyers in Vienna. And as I’m walking on stage, I ring him. He lived in a tiny, prefabricated house in Cardiff. I said, “Arthur, I’m about to go on stage. A thousand lawyers out there. You taught me to do this.” He said, “Did I?” And I was uh, in Focus on the Family’s radio station about four years ago, we were talking about a book I’d written, and they got him live on air as a surprise to me. And they said, “What do you think about the boy who came to your Bible class?” He said, “I’m proud of him.” I cried on air.
Arthur had nothing. You will not meet anybody who had less than Arthur. Arthur convinced me you don’t have to be young to be a great youth leader. You have to love. He didn’t criticize my jeans. He didn’t criticize my crazy shoes. He didn’t mention the smoke. He just loved me. Arthur had the heart of the Father. Ladies and gentlemen, they’ll be on the edges of your church with their wild hair and their body piercing and their tattoos. But if you can, if you can, put your arms around them.
John: Hmm. You’re listening to Rob Parsons today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and you’ll find more great insights from his book Bringing Home the Prodigals. And we have that. We’ll send that to you for a gift of any amount today to the ministry and we’ll include a free audio download of the entire presentation as well so you can listen to this again and share it with a friend. Donate and request those at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast or call. Our number is 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459. Let’s return now to more from Rob Parsons.
Rob: A friend of mine has a …had a church of 300 and he said he grew to a church of 10,000. It became a prodigal-friendly church. But he said in the early days, a young Hell’s Angel came to church. This young man had long, greasy hair and somebody dared him to come to church. He not only came to church, he walked right down the front row and sat in the front. Unfortunately for him, that church allocates certain seats to certain people to welcome and he got himself in Marge Staples’ area. Marge is almost 90 years old. Marge is gonna be in front of Jesus any day now. Marge doesn’t have time to argue about the color of the carpet or whether they swing from the chandeliers in worship or use the old green hymn book.
And unlike most of us, Marge’s mind is not getting narrower as she’s getting older but wider. Marge just wants to love people. Marge just show a young man and she said, “Oh young man, it’s so lovely to see you. Come here, let me hug you.” He didn’t stop crying until the pastor finished preaching, gave his life to Christ that day. I want the spirit of Marge Staples! I want to be like Marge. I don’t wanna compromise anything that matters. You can’t sweep sin under the carpet. I’m not into that, but I want the spirit of Marge Staples. I want, if possible, to love wherever, to love first. Give me the spirit of Marge Staples. We have made prodigals of some, who perhaps we never were.
Secondly, ladies and gentlemen, God put on my heart that day that many people carry a weight of guilt for prodigals. They have no right to carry. It could be a brother, a sister. If only I’d done more. If only I’d taken them to hear that great preacher. If only we’d done it. If only, if only I’d lent that book. If only… And especially parents. Parents. Dr. Artie Kendall took Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones pulpit after the great doctor left. He was senior pastor of Westminster Chapel for 25 years, a dear friend of mine. He said to me some years ago, “Rob, I’ve been a failure as a father.” At that time, his two children, Melissa and TR were prodigals. They’ve come back wonderfully to God now.
“Rob, I’ve been a failure as a father. I gave too much time to Westminster Chapel, too much time to my doctorate at Oxford. And that was hard to impress theologically. But I think I managed on this occasion.” “Artie,” I said, “Adam and Eve had the perfect Father and the perfect environment, but they went away their Father didn’t want them to go.” I know there’s that lovely verse in the book of Proverbs, “Bring up a child in the way he should go and when he’s old he won’t depart from it.” But ladies and gentlemen, it’s not a guarantee, it’s a general principle. If you have got three perfect children now, I know you think it’s a guarantee, but it’s not a guarantee.
Most of the Bible has got the perfect Father saying to His children, “How come I went away, you went a way I didn’t want you to go?” Dr. Kendall looked up at me and said, “Rob, have you any idea how liberating that is?” And some of you ladies and gentlemen, and nobody has told me about you, and I may be wrong, but I’ll bet I’m not, some of you have carried a weight of guilt for your prodigals for 10, 20, 30 years. You have not been perfect parents; you’ve just been parents. You probably gave it your best shot. Did you make mistakes? Yes. If you could rewind the whole thing, you might just make different mistakes.
Lay down the guilt. Sometimes our children, our friends, our brothers, even our parents make choices. And sometimes those are bad choices. I have parents coming up to me all over the world saying, “If only, Rob, if only, if only we’d had daily devotions with our children.” I have other parents saying, “If only we hadn’t had daily devotions. Perhaps we push the faith at them too much.” All those if only’s. Lay down the guilt. It allows you to view things. You know, ladies and gentlemen, you and I think we have control. We think when our children are small, if we read all the books and go to all the seminars and do all the stuff, it will be well. But you and I do not have control.
We are totally dependent on God. There’s no other hope. That’s our actual position. But ladies and gentlemen, some of you have a testing child, don’t you? You know, if you have more than one child, you will have chalk and cheese. You know that, don’t you? That is particularly galling if your first one is compliant because for a while you think you were a great parent.
Audience: (laughs).
Rob: Actually you just got lucky.
Audience: (laughs).
Rob: It was so with us. Katie, our first, was so compliant. The first thing Katie did when she came into the world was apologize to the midwife for being slightly late. She would save her pocket money for study guides. She, she would complain church services and went long enough. So for about four years, Dianne and I think we’re perfect parents. We foolishly begin giving other people critical advice where they’re going wrong with their kids. It’s not a good idea. Because what Heaven does, it looks up the kind of child that sent you last time and somebody up there says, “Have we got any of those others left?”
Audience: (laughs).
Rob: Lloyd came into the world smoking a cigar. That little boy got up every day of his young life with the same prayer on his lips, “Dear God, help me drive my mother crazy today.” And every day God answered his prayer.
Audience: (laughs).
Rob: But ladies and gentlemen, you know the funny thing about that testing child? Sometimes you can be so concerned looking over your shoulder, wondering what the rest of the Christian community are thinking of your parenting. Sometimes you can be so concerned with a checkbox that says, tidy bedroom, stop smoking, uh, um, help with the washing a… Checkbox when they’re 16. That checkbox won’t be enough for you when they’re 35. If when they’re 35 their bedroom is tidy and, and they do their work and all that, it won’t be enough if they’re not faithful and they’re not loyal and they don’t have big hearts, and they don’t care for the poor.
And the funny thing about the testing child is they sometimes have those qualities even as teenagers, but we miss them ’cause we’re so busy looking over our shoulder, making them fix some other kind of category. I remember when Lloyd was 17, he started smoking. I didn’t want him to; I prayed he’d give up. I was glad when he did. But I remember I’m in church with him one Sunday morning and I can smell the smoke, and I think I need this like a hole in the head. I’m the Executive Chairman of Care for the Family, for goodness’ sake. I write books on this stuff.
Audience: (laughs).
Rob: And then I think, no, my boy’s in church with me. And I put my arm on him, and I say, “Son, I am so proud to have you here with me today. You know that, don’t you?” He knew what I felt. I didn’t need to say that again, “Son, I am so proud to have you here with…” Ladies and gentlemen, listen, don’t ever be ashamed of your children. You might be ashamed of what they’ve done, but don’t be ashamed of your children. Don’t be ashamed of them. Nobody knows them like you. Nobody loves them apart from the Father like you. And sometimes we have to catch them doing something right.
You know, with a testing child, if they only hear our criticism, why aren’t you more like your brother? Why don’t you come to church more? Why don’t you do this? Why don’t you do… When the ear never hears praise, the heart loses the will to try. I remember when Lloyd was 17, he was driving me crazy. And he managed to get enough money to buy an old car. And one day he came home and he said, “You know, dad,” he said, “I, I was down the world the other day and there was an old lady who was lost. And I said to her, ‘Are you all right, my dear?’ She said, ‘No, son, I’m lost.’ He said, ‘Well, I’ll take you home. I’ve got a car.'”
And he said, “Dad, I took her to her house and I got out the car and I opened the door for her like you taught me to do.” And he said, “I walked up the drive to her home and she said, “This is not my house.” And I said, “Well, where’s your house?” And she gave me another address, and I took her there. Then she said, “This is not my house.” I said, “Dad, I took her to eight houses. And finally I took her to a police station.” And he’s driving me crazy, and he won’t do his schoolwork. And his bedroom was a mess, and he started smoking. And I’m not happy about it, any of those things.
But he goes to an old lady and says, “My dear, can I help you?” I must commend him for that. I must say, Lord, when you did that, I was proud of you’s, the kind of thing Jesus would’ve done so. Sometimes you have to catch them doing something right. Do you know the fascinating thing, ladies and gentlemen? When we lay down the guilt, it gives room for God to work.
John: What a great point from Rob Parsons on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And, uh, we’re gonna hear more of his insights next time.
Jim: You know, all of us have dealt with those moments when a child tests our patience. And I think what Rob is saying is to be careful how you handle that child. Or there’s the possibility of driving him or her away. Maybe our standards are a bit too superficial or maybe unrealistically high. Uh, maybe we check off the chores and those other responsibilities, but what about that checklist for godly inner qualities? I’ve got one boy who is a great example of this. He didn’t always, uh, complete his chores on time, but when we had foster children in our home, he was an A plus. He got involved with the kids spending hours and hours playing with them.
And I had to remind myself and Jean that those are heart qualities that the Lord appreciates. Those are good things. And he might not be taken out the trash the minute I asked him to, but he gave a lot of love to those foster children over the years. And it’s easy to get frustrated and not remember those better qualities that our children develop. And if you need a follow-up resource, Rob’s book, Bringing Home the Prodigals will be especially helpful to you. Get a copy from us here at Focus on the Family, and we’ll include a free audio download of this entire presentation from Rob Parsons, uh, so you can listen again and maybe share it with someone else.
You can get that book and download from us when you make a monthly gift of any amount that helps us provide free services to you like our caring Christian counselors who are here to help you with any issue related to your family. Our team receives about 2,000 counseling requests every month, and that’s a lot of people who need godly counsel and have nowhere else to turn. We’re honored to be here for them.
And if you can’t make a monthly pledge right now, that’s okay. Uh, we can send you Rob’s book for a one-time donation of any amount. We just want to get it into your hands. I should also mention that this year’s special edition print from Morgan Weistling features that moment when the prodigal son returns home and is embraced by his father. I’d encourage you to request a copy to display in your home as a reminder of God’s ultimate hope for your prodigal.
John: Yeah. Visit our website to get a sneak peek of that incredible print and request your copy of Rob’s excellent book. Uh, you’ll find the details at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast or give us a call and we can tell you more, 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. And next time you’ll hear more encouragement for parents of prodigals from Rob Parsons.
Preview:
Rob: Do you know ladies and gentlemen, sometimes we have to realize only God can do this. There is no better place to bring your prodigal than the foot of this cross. Sometimes we try so hard. We, we’re always sending books, we’re always… There’s nothing wrong with that. But we need to know God can do this.
