Preview:
Dr. Charles Stone: So resilience is really character. Resilience is our ability to bounce back from stressful situations. But not just bouncing back, but also adapting and learning from that situation. That’s your character.
End of Preview
John Fuller: Dr. Charles Stone joins us today to talk about ways to kind of de-stress your life and find some peace in Jesus. Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: I’ve gotta laugh and go, “Okay, let’s get with the program. Let’s de-stress.”
John: Go, go! (laughs)
Jim: (laughs) So how are some ways, John, that you cope with stress?
John: Okay, I- so I’m gonna slow down.
Jim: Okay, good.
John: And, uh, that’s part of what I do, is I just try to get a hold of my pace and quit reacting. So I try to get outside, get some sunshine. Ideally, I get quiet time to read, especially. It-It sounds holy, but, uh, especially-
Jim: Yeah, it does. It’s-
John: … the scripture.
Jim: That sounds like in general stress. What about when it’s really on?
John: Oh.
Jim: What do you do?
John: I just try to show up and solve the problem.
Jim: (laughs)
John: (laughs)
Jim: You are a problem solver.
John: I try.
Jim: It’s kind of funny.
John: Yeah.
Jim: But-
John: How about you?
Jim: Yeah, I think for me, uh, I mean, the lightweight stuff is to get outside, play golf, weight lift.
John: Yeah.
Jim: I love doin’ that. And, uh, of course, Trent. Trent leads me now. I don’t lead him any longer.
John: Oh, to have a son do-
Jim: But yeah.
John: Yeah.
Jim: Uh, but I think when it’s heavy, I think I just pull in. And for an extrovert, that’s kind of interesting.
John: Yeah.
Jim: I- I don’t become more extroverted. I actually withdraw if the stress is heavy. And I think that’s what Jean would say. The expert opinion would be Jean.
John: Yes.
Jim: And I think she would say that- that when I’m really under a lot of stress, I tend to pull in and not communicate and, you know, just sit and think. So-
John: Yeah, that’s where Dena would say, “John is very directive.”
Jim: Yeah.
John: “Get it done. Let’s push through this.”
Jim: So the question will be, you know, you can answer that riding down the car or listening on the app, however you’re hearing this right now, but how do you manage that stress?
John: Yeah.
Jim: And how do you cope? And what are those attributes that God has given you?
John: Yeah.
Jim: Today, we’re gonna talk with a great guest about that, Charles Stone. He’s written a book called Stress Less. And everybody put their hand up.
John: (laughs)
Jim: And, uh, you know, this is, uh, really what I love, the meeting of the disciplines of the biology of the brain, the physiology, the what we learned through science, along with theology, how God created it. I always love when those two paths mix.
John: Mm-hmm. I do, too. And we wanna just commend this book to you. Uh, we’ve got copies of it on our website. It’s called Stress Less. The subtitle is 9 Habits from the Bible and Brain Science to Build Resilience and Reduce Anxiety. Get your copy at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Well, Dr. Charles Stone, welcome back to Focus on the Family.
Dr. Stone: (laughs) Hey, great to be with you.
Jim: Yeah. It’s so nice. Well, you got the radio voice, don’t you?
Dr. Stone: (laughs) Yeah.
Jim: I love that.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Night sound with Charles.
Jim: No kidding.
Dr. Stone: (laughs)
Jim: Can you get a little deeper there? I love it. I can’t believe it. Um, you know, when we talk about stress, you look at what we have gone through as a culture, whether in Canada or here-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … in the US and around the world with COVID.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: 2020 was, you know, destabilizing-
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … in so many ways and I think a lot of our young people. I know my son, Troy, he was a junior, senior. And they didn’t have the prom one year. The next year they had it. They put tape down and you had to go in a cohort and- of 10-
Dr. Stone: Hm.
Jim: … and you had to stay within your taped zone.
Dr. Stone: Hm.
Jim: There wasn’t really dancing. And, uh, all the kids, kids figure out a way, right? But they opened up the outside deck of this facility-
Dr. Stone: Ah. (laughs)
Jim: … and they told the kids they could all co-mingle out in the-
Dr. Stone: Outside.
Jim: … open air.
Dr. Stone: Yes. Yeah.
Jim: So nobody stood in the taped area.
Dr. Stone: (laughs) Yeah.
Jim: They all ran for the deck. And-
John: They’re smart.
Jim: … you know, the entire senior class-
Dr. Stone: Hm.
Jim: … was out on the deck, but the seriousness of that is there was impact.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: What was that like?
Dr. Stone: Well, that’s actually the genesis of, uh, of the book. My, uh, wife and I were, before COVID hit, we were on a vacation at one of these places. It like had buffet open all the time.
Jim: (laughs) Yeah.
Dr. Stone: I love buffets, so that was great.
Jim: With no covering on the buffet.
John: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: That’s right.
Jim: Think of that.
Dr. Stone: Now, the problem was, uh, this had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I’m kind of a news junkie and so I was following this thing called COVID.
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: And I told my wife, I said, “You know what? Sure they’re gonna shut us down.” I was a pastor, uh, at the time, the church in London, Ontario. Sure as the world, we got back. Canada, it was a draconian shutdown. We couldn’t go to church. We couldn’t be each other’s homes. We couldn’t be in small groups. And about two days after I called an emergency staff meeting and said, “Guys, we’re shut down,” I distinctly remember being reminded that I was gonna have to lead a church of 1,000 through a little tiny pinhole camera in my computer. And I said, “Not my best spiritual moment. God, I did not sign up for this.” Now, along with that-
Jim: Did you hear God answer that?
Dr. Stone: No, no.
Jim: He went-
Dr. Stone: He was being silent.
Jim: … “Uh, yeah, you did.”
Dr. Stone: (laughs)
Jim: Yes. You just didn’t know it.
Dr. Stone: Well, if that weren’t enough during this, these next few months I was diagnosed with an AFib. That is when your heart does crazy things. Now, listen, I exercise. I eat my broccoli. I was diagnosed-
Jim: That’s the problem. You’re eating broccoli.
Dr. Stone: Uh, maybe that’s what it is.
Jim: Stop eating broccoli.
Dr. Stone: (laughs) Yes. Yes.
John: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: But not only that, I was diagnosed, uh, with pre-diabetes.
Jim: Hm.
Dr. Stone: Again, I ate my broccoli and I was diagnosed with cancer.
Jim: Oh, my goodness.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: All at the same time?
Dr. Stone: In all these few months. Yeah. Right around COVID.
Jim: Wow.
Dr. Stone: Well, I realized that, you know, the irony was I was doing my dissertation on stress.
Jim: (laughs) So-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … so what do you think God was up to there? He said, “Okay, you really wanna do your dissertation on that? I’m gonna give it all to you.”
Dr. Stone: Well, I think He wanted me to be the lab rat for my- (laughs)
Jim: (laughs) Wow.
Dr. Stone: … for my research. So-
Jim: You really wanted no stress. You gotta live it. Here you go.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Well, I did. And so outta my research and out of my experience, that was a very stressful moment. But, you know, the book came out of it, so I can thank God for what He taught me through that time.
Jim: Yeah. So you- you point to John 16:33. What is that verse and what did it say to your heart?
Dr. Stone: Yeah, well, Jesus says He promises us peace if we come to Him. Now, during that time, it wasn’t the- the peace that was deeply emotionally felt. It was more the kind of peace that I just had to walk by faith. You know, I don’t know how long this thing’s gonna last. I like preaching not through a little pinhole camera. I enjoy being with people. I enjoy serving people. And the Lord gave me, uh, a type of peace that really sustained me and He broke me of what a lot of pastors face.
Jim: Hm.
Dr. Stone: That’s the performance-based thing. You know, when we started back, you know, church of 1,000, we had like 35. So I realized, okay, I’m not gonna pastor a mega church. I’m gonna be okay. And there were some deep lessons learned through that and the Lord just was there. And I thank Him for His presence, His power.
Jim: You know, let me ask you this question in that regard. Here at Focus, when we had to go through that, too, I mean, we went through-
Dr. Stone: Yep.
Jim: … those shutdowns. We had limited staff in here.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: We continued to do the broadcast because we deemed ourselves essential.
Dr. Stone: Yes, yes, yes. We had our-
Jim: Uh, I don’t know that the state of Colorado did, but we did. And nobody knocked on the door, so we kept going with the broadcast, et cetera. Um, but in that context, you know, when things began to get better, I was pretty quick to ask and make sure the staff got back in here at Focus on the Family. And, you know, for those mostly younger staff members that were going on to something else, they would leave me a note in our exit interview processing. Jim, at some point you’ll catch up to the 21st century when it comes to remote work and-
Dr. Stone: Uh-huh.
Jim: … that’s the way the world’s going. And I would just respond and say, “You know what? I think we’re created for relationship.”
Dr. Stone: Yeah, yeah.
Jim: And I think we’re gonna suffer if we’re just all in our basement offices trying to do work and then trying to do that together. There’s something core to being together, especially as believers.
Dr. Stone: Yes. Yes.
Jim: And trying to help other people through their difficulties in their family, their marriages, their parenting for our call.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: But, you know, all the Christian churches and Christian organizations, there is something to be said about how God created us for relationship.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And when you can only meet via Zoom, sure, it’s nice to see the face, but there is something distinctly missing from that. And of course we had to go with that during the COVID, uh-
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: … era, but I think we had this kinda like lost generation of students who really, really miss that. And it’s gonna be decades, I think, of learning-
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: … what really happened then.
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: And if another COVID type thing happens, we ought to do it differently.
John: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah. Well, and that research is showing true, that, you know, there’s a huge impact on young people.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: And the CDC, of course, here in the US is watching depression rates and suicidal-
Dr. Stone: Oh, yes-
Jim: … ideation and anxiety.
Dr. Stone: … yes. Skyrocketing.
Jim: Sky high in that 14 to 25-year-old group particularly.
Dr. Stone: Yes. Yeah.
Jim: Um, moving past that now, we’re moving through the idea of the- an initiation of this book and- and where you’re at. You had an analogy in the book about a tennis ball, that-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … we should be more like a tennis ball. Now, if you’re not a tennis fan, you gotta help me with this.
Dr. Stone: (laughs) Yes.
Jim: Why should we be more like a tennis ball?
Dr. Stone: Yes. Well, I’m using that illustration to define resilience. And it- let’s say I came into the studio and I asked you for a prop, an end table that had a glass top to it.
Jim: Okay.
Dr. Stone: And then I brought in three items. I brought in a big rock, I brought in an egg, and I brought in the tennis ball. So let’s say here in front of us is that table. If I held this rock six feet above the table and dropped it on the table, what’s gonna happen?
Jim: John’s the A student. Go ahead, John.
Dr. Stone: (laughs)
John: Probably gonna break the table.
Dr. Stone: Yeah, it’s gonna break the table. The glass is gonna shatter. Yeah, the end of the interview. Okay. (laughs)
John: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: So that’s one- one, uh, part of the illustration. The other part is an egg. If I drop the egg on that table, what’s gonna happen?
Jim: Mm-hmm. I got this one.
Dr. Stone: Okay.
Jim: The egg’s gonna break.
Dr. Stone: You got it.
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: (laughs) You got it, Jim. Now, those two illustrate someone who does not have resilience in the face of stress. The rock represents someone, when they’re stressed, they break stuff. They may break their health, they may break families, they may break other relationships, may break-
Jim: Hm.
Dr. Stone: … their- their church. The egg represents someone who has, like, too much give. The rock, no give. The egg, too much give and they just make a mess of things. But let’s say then now I bring in my tennis ball. I hold the tennis ball six feet above the table and I drop it. What’s gonna happen, if you guys can answer that one.
Jim: Go ahead, John.
John: I’m going to say it’s gonna bounce.
Dr. Stone: It’s gonna bounce. Now, it’s interesting. If you go online, if you Google slow motion tennis ball, you’ll find some videos that show what happens to the tennis ball. When the tennis ball, especially if you throw it hard on a surface, when it hits that surface, it squishes a little bit.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: But then it bounces back. So resilience is really character. Resilience is our ability to bounce back from stressful situations.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: But not just bouncing back, but also adapting and learning from that situation. That’s really- really character.
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: When we go through difficult times, we want to come out of that with stronger characters, painful as it may have been. So that’s how I use the tennis ball with-
Jim: That’s good.
Dr. Stone: … a couple other items.
Jim: I mean, that is the brain science. Uh, so much of the scholarly work right now is showing that resilience is critical in a-
Dr. Stone: Yes.
Jim: … a young person’s ability to grow up and be-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … you know, productive and be healthy as an adult. So-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … as Christian parents particularly, um, we need to be able to recognize how to build in that resiliency-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … if at all possible. What’s one or two things we could be thinking about as parents?
Dr. Stone: Well, you’ve heard the phrase helicopter parent.
Jim: Yes.
Dr. Stone: Uh, I’d say not be a helicopter parent.
John: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: Give your kids enough flexibility where they may fail. Not catastrophic failure.
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: They may fail on some things, but then they help them learn from that failure, from that difficulty. So I think that’s a big thing now. And I think we’re, you know, I’m not a child psychologist, but it seems that we’re- the parenting today is so much is the helicopter parenting. And kids, when they become an- adults, they- they start waw, waw, waw when the least little difficult thing happens.
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: And so we need to realize that as parents.
Jim: And- And you have, you know, the Apostle Paul is interesting and you mentioned him in the book. Uh, when you look for resiliency in the scripture, which is a great thing to do-
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … I mean, Paul does jump out.
Dr. Stone: Yes.
Jim: I’ve never looked through that lens though.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: Describe why that he caught your attention when it comes to resiliency,
Dr. Stone: We look at the epistles, the Apostle Paul is always in trouble.
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: He’s shipwrecked, he’s getting beaten, he’s getting-
Jim: It’s true.
Dr. Stone: You know, everything you can imagine bad’s happening to the Apostle Paul, but he doesn’t whine about it. He acknowledges it, he recognizes it’s difficult, but he’s the one that pin these words. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. So we see over and over the Apostle Paul recognizing this is tough, yet by God’s grace I’m gonna keep moving forward. I’m gonna grow through this and serve him more effectively.
Jim: Why do you think he didn’t walk out of the jail? Remember that scene where-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … the- the jail, you know, miraculously burst open, the chains fall off.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And he says to the jailer, who probably will lose his life because he didn’t keep him in jail, you know, he was frantic. And Paul says, “No, we’ll sing hymns and we’re gonna stay here.”
Dr. Stone: You know, that- that is a great question.
Jim: (laughs) I mean, talk about resiliency.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: Not only am I gonna get outta jail that God is obviously springing me from, I’ll go ahead and calm your fears and we’ll stay here until daybreak and we’ll sort it out.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: I mean, that’s kind of-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … where he was at.
Dr. Stone: Well, he didn’t take the easy way out.
Jim: No, he didn’t.
Dr. Stone: He could have like, boom, get out of there, but he stayed. So I- that’s a really insightful question.
John: Hm. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and today our guest is Dr. Charles Stone. And we’re talking about some of the concepts in his book, Stress Less. And, uh, you can learn more about Dr. Stone and this book at our website and that’s focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Charles, you list nine habits that build resiliency and help human beings to manage stress. Again, I think in the first part of this question, let me just ask you to talk about how theology-
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … and science do collaborate here. That one doesn’t chase the other off.
Dr. Stone: Right.
Jim: They actually reinforce each other, which, again, theology first, science of that second. And we want to hit as many of those nine as possible, but let- let’s start with the cease and breathe idea.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: I mean, again, this is good physiology, but it’s also good theology.
Dr. Stone: Yes. Yes. Well, if you did a word study, uh, the word breath or breathe shows up, like, 75 plus times, if you- if you look and see, you know, the frequency. And I’m thinking of one, I have, uh, one verse here that’s really, really meaningful to me and probably all of us. It says, “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” We see in Genesis, God breathed into Adam. He became a living being. We see, I think it’s the Book of Acts, Jesus breathed on the earlier disciples and the Holy Spirit came. So we find breath throughout scripture. Now, it’s a very interesting neuroscience insight and it’s this: deep breathing activates a pair of nerves called cranial nerves and this particular pair is called the vagus nerve. Vagus comes from the word vagrant. And what do vagrants do?
Jim: Hm.
Dr. Stone: They kinda wander around. Well, this pair of nerves wanders around in our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs, uh, our stomach. So there’s a lot of communication up and down. That particular nerve, the vagus nerve, when it is activated, it calms the stress response and here’s how we activate it. You know, God gave us the ability to breathe, to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, but here is a little technique. When we breathe in and exhale a little longer than breathing in, it actually engages that vagal nerve and decreases stress. Now, there’s a term called the psychological sigh. I call it the sniff breath. And it really works. So I’m gonna kinda illustrate it here. So we breathe in through our nose, another little sniff, and then breathe out. And on that exhale, letting it be a little longer than the inhale. So sniff a little more breath, hold it for a second or two, and then breathe out, letting the exhale be longer than the inhale. Well, labs throughout, uh, the world have found that actually decreases the stress response. So that’s one of the- the, uh, practices I put seize and breathe. Now, the seize part is basically when you’re stressed, stop.
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: Really stop. Get away from the stressful situation, practice few of these breaths. And it really is very, very powerful.
Jim: It- There’s gotta be people listening, going, “This is crazy.”
Dr. Stone: (laughs)
Jim: But you know what? I’m thinking in the parenting context or in a rough disagreement with your spouse, what a brilliant thing to be able to do.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: It will save you so much pain before you say this stupid thing.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm. Listen-
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: Uh, I- I- my oldest daughter, we actually- we were on the program years ago. Uh, I said things. I wish I’d known this then. I said things then that, if I just practiced this, it would’ve saved so much grief.
John: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: Eliminated a lot of grief.
John: That’s really good. I appreciate that. You, uh, relate a prayer from scripture that you think is pretty profound in this kind of a practice.
Dr. Stone: Yes. In the second and third century, the historians tell us that probably 20,000 to 30,000 Christians left the villages and towns and they went into desert ’cause they saw the desert as a place to learn. It’s like a laboratory to learn to love God better. They found out, though, when they prayed, their minds wandered, just like today.
John: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: When we pray, our mind wanders. But here’s what they found. They found that they batched a brief scripture with the in-breath, you know, in- in their minds, in their hearts. And another scripture on the out-breath, it helped them stay focused. And there were different permutations of this, different versions, but one of them was Lord Jesus on the in-breath, on the out-breath have mercy on me. So it was called the Jesus Prayer. And what I do often in my quiet time, I practice a type of a Jesus prayer. And sometimes it just goes on and on. It just becomes like, Lord Jesus, on the out-breath, you are so wonderful, Lord Jesus, on the in-breath, you are the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. So it becomes actually a worshipful experience.
Jim: Hm.
John: Hm.
Dr. Stone: The- The lab shows this to be true, experience shows it to be true, and we have biblical history that shows it to be true.
Jim: Yeah, it’s interesting. You just think of I’m the breath, you know, that I’m the breath of life.
Dr. Stone: Yes-
Jim: Those things that-
Dr. Stone: Oh, yes. Yes.
Jim: … we think about or we read and- and we just kind of cruise by it.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: You know, we don’t stop and really think about what does that mean?
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: And that He has actually tied this all together. Are you serious? Just a deep breath is something of a blessing.
Dr. Stone: It is. It is a powerful blessing. You know, like, uh, athletes understand this. If you ever watched athletes and platform diving, they walk out there and they don’t just jump off the diving board. They do that-
Jim: Yeah.
Dr. Stone: … exactly right. They take those deep breaths.
Jim: Your next habit is grow gratitude.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: Um, this one- this one really does help, but to help both physiologically as well as spiritually. Speak to that-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … growing of gratitude.
Dr. Stone: There’s a story behind that. Uh, my wife grew up in Laurel, Mississippi, a little small town in southern Mississippi. Very, very southern family. And I met my wife when she was going to seminary at the grocery store. And I fell in love in 18 seconds. It took her like 18 months to fall in love with me.
Jim: Were you working in the produce department?
Dr. Stone: (laughs)
Jim: You’re not that guy.
Dr. Stone: I’m not that guy, but I was the one that had the clipboard and I was going with the cheapest possible things to buy.
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: But after we fell in love and I went to visit them, her mother, her name’s Melba, she’s with the Lord now, she bugged me to death on that first visit. Here’s one thing.
Jim: That’s a mother-in-law’s job.
John: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: Well, this one really irritated me. Everything I did, like I say, if I took my plate and put it back in the sink, she- she would say, “Thank you, Charles.”
Jim: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: If I picked up the napkin off the, uh, off the floor, she’d say, “Thank you, Charles.” And after that, in my mind, it was like enough already. But later on, I realized she was actually modeling for my wife, Cheryl, because Cheryl has this grateful, grateful spirit. So that’s the story behind, but we also have scripture. First Thessalonians 5 says, “Rejoice, always pray continuously. Give thanks in all circumstances.” Here’s what neuroscience has found. Gratitude actually releases some of these positive brain chemicals, like dopamine and serotonin. And what that does, it enhances our ability to control our emotions and reduces the stress response. And here’s a simple practice-
Jim: Amazing.
Dr. Stone: … called Three Good Things. Before you get up in the morning, think of three things you’re grateful for. Could be small, could be large, could be like sheets. (laughs) You- Maybe you’ve never thanked God for sheets.
Jim: Clean sheets, for sure.
Dr. Stone: Clean sheets, for sure. (laughs) Yes. Even better, uh, in your journal, write those three things down you’re grateful for. Now, here’s what happens. If we start the day in that way, it sets our thinking tone in that direction rather than on the wah, wah, wah, negative. So it’s a very, very powerful, simple biblical practice. Grow, gratitude.
Jim: Hmm. Is that what you mean by mapping that gratitude? What is mapping the gratitude?
Dr. Stone: Well, I think mapping is really where you’re exposing yourself, uh, to thinking about these things you’re grateful for. Mapping would be like if you’re jotting down this in your- in your diary or in your journal.
Jim: Okay.
Dr. Stone: And just making it a pattern throughout the day. And I find sometimes when I’m really practicing this well, I’m just thanking God for all kinds of stuff that I’ve never thanked Him for before.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: It’s amazing what He does for you for stress.
Jim: Charles, in that regard. I mean, I’ve got extended family members and I’ll just speak to that. John, if you’ve got an example or two, that’s great.
John: Okay.
Jim: It’s hard to be full of gratitude in this world today. We are inundated-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … with negativity.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: Just watch cable news.
Dr. Stone: Oh.
Jim: It sets you on the edge.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: It sets you up against people.
Dr. Stone: Mm-hmm.
Jim: I mean, in many ways, and I- I’m not just picking on cable news. It’s everything.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: There seems like a can of “I don’t want to get along with you” has been ripped open.
John: (laughs)
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: And I mean it’s driving, it’s going through the drive-through-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … it’s in a store. I’ve kind of tried to make it my goal, especially driving, to be really calm.
Dr. Stone: Hm.
Jim: You know, when somebody cuts me off, comes up the right side and veers in as the-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … lane is merging. You know, the first thought is-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … could you not have gotten in behind me? Why did you have to just rush to cut me off?
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: Now I’m thinking, okay, maybe he’s rushing to see his spouse in the hospital. I don’t know.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: But how do we cope with some of that of just day to day irritation? Because people aren’t that thoughtful.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. Well, part of it is not exposing ourselves to constant social media, constant news feeds. Now it’s a battle for me-
Jim: (laughs) Well, that’s good.
Dr. Stone: … because there’s something called FOMO, F-O-M-O, fear of missing out. And, you know, bad news cells. So we have to recognize that if we can reduce our exposure to that, that’s one step. But if we start our day not focused on the wah-wah, the difficult things, the painful things, the disappointing things, the negative things, if we start our day with this sense of gratitude, it’s amazing how it- it colors our day in a very, very positive way.
Jim: Yeah. It’s so true. And again, there’s so many good elements here and the book hits ’em all. The last one I want to mention and have you respond to is chronic stress. Your daughter went through some very, uh, stressful medical procedures as a-
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: … as a girl. Describe that. And this should connect with everybody who’s dealing with that kind of thing, a bad diagnosis or, you know, just long term stressor.
Dr. Stone: Yeah. It was probably about 35 years ago. We were visiting Cheryl’s parents in Laurel, Mississippi and I had hot chair duty. Tiffany is my youngest daughter’s name and we were feeding her. I was feeding her like pureed peaches or something like that. And when I looked at her face, her left eye was quivering.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Stone: You know, any parent that kind of- and see that in their kid, like, that’s, you know, we freaked out. So we went down the street. There was a pediatrician. He said, “It’s probably a strabismus,” which is basically a- a, you know, a developmental issue. Probably will go away, but he said, “When you get back to Atlanta,” where we were living at the time, “Just get it checked out by a specialist.” Went to see the specialist, he looked at her and said, “Oh, it’s probably a strabismus, but let’s just do a CAT scan anyway.” Did a CAT scan, then we drove back home. Literally, so I was opening the door, the phone was ringing. Picked up the phone and the neurologist said, “We found out what the problem is.” I said, “What is it?” “Your daughter has a brain tumor.” One-year-olds aren’t supposed to have brain tumors. So our lives were turned upside down for 25 years. 10 brain surgeons, Dr. Ben Carson performed two of those.
Jim: Yeah. Ben Carson.
Dr. Stone: Brain surgeons. Brain surgeries rather. And during that time, again, I wish I knew what I know now back then. During that time, it was so difficult because when you’re waiting for the next MRI, is it gonna be another surgery? What’s gonna happen? But she’s doing well now. God’s grace just-
Jim: Hm.
Dr. Stone: … showed through. And so I think during those times, without being able to write down, oh, okay, here’s- here’s how to handle stress, how we did it, it was just a process of trusting God, going through that difficulty, leaning on Him, working as a team together. And that cumulation of those experiences I think resulted in to a great degree why I was able to pen a book about stress because of all these years of responding to it.
Jim: Yeah, without a doubt. And of course the outcomes aren’t always known. You know-
Dr. Stone: That’s right. Yeah.
Jim: … there are couples that lost their daughter.
Dr. Stone: That’s right.
Jim: And that happens.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: And, uh, you know, again, that formula, it’s up to God. And we have to trust, as believers, no matter what the outcome.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: It’s wonderful your daughter made that through and hallelujah.
Dr. Stone: Yeah.
Jim: And, uh, but I’m mindful of people watching that may have had a different outcome and-
Dr. Stone: It’s a-
Jim: … God is still with you. And- And, boy, get ahold of us-
Dr. Stone: Hm.
Jim: … if you need to talk to somebody. That’s core. Charles, what a great book, Stress Less. And I hope folks will pick that up. Uh, just get ahold of us. If you can make a donation of any amount, we’ll send it as way of saying thank you for being a part of the ministry and you’re gonna be helped in your own life.
John: Yeah. And if you can, uh, use some support dealing with stress, give us a call, uh, to set up an initial consultation with a caring Christian counselor. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. And if you’ve benefited from the program today, show your appreciation, please, by financially supporting us. Uh, every dollar you give goes right back into ministry to reach more families for Christ. And so, uh, call us today and make that donation. Uh, when you do, request that book by Dr. Charles Stone, uh, Stress Less: 9 Habits from the Bible to Build Resilience and Reduce Anxiety. You can call or donate online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.
