Preview:
Rhonda Stoppe: Really the issue wasn’t the issue I was trying to read into, assign wrong motives to his actions. And so often that’s how marriages start to unravel, and that’s what we start focusing on, is those things.
End of Preview
John Fuller: Well, Rhonda Stoppe is with us today on Focus on The Family with Jim Daly talking about how you can change the way you view your marriage and see some really positive results.
Jim Daly: You know, John, at Focus on the Family, we want everybody’s marriage to be as healthy and intact and thriving as possible. And, uh, it’s why we have so many resources for folks, uh, whether it’s a video clip or a full broadcast like this one or podcast-
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Or… Whatever we’re doing, we want to help you in that area.
John: Yeah. And the show today is about ways that wives can make their marriage more joyful, whether or not their husband or their circumstances change. We wanna be clear, though. We’re not trying to say women are causing all the problems in marriage. Uh, both spouses usually make mistakes, we’re all fallen people. Uh, but we want to reinforce that wives are a gift to their husbands, and we want to empower wives to see their marriage from a new perspective and to experience as much love and connection to their husband as possible.
Rhonda Stoppe is our guest. She’s been a pastor’s wife for over 30 years, and she’s an author, marriage, mentor, and speaker. And today we’re gonna be talking about one of her books called If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe. You’ll find the details about Rhonda and, uh, her many books, and that one in particular at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Rhonda, it’s great to have you back.
Rhonda: So fun to be back with you guys.
Jim: Well, this is… You’re tapping the nerve center on this one. This is like going to the dentist for a root canal.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Jim: (Laughs).
Rhonda: (Laughs).
Jim: But I’m sure it’ll be insightful. Let’s start with your love story with your husband, Steve. I mean, uh-
Rhonda: Oh. You know, I, I am just crazy about him. We’ve been married 43 years.
Jim: Okay, good.
Rhonda: Yes. And, uh, I actually, on one of your shows, Embracing the… Your Unique Love Story, Steve and I go into our love story and you guys can watch all that episode later to get all the details-
Jim: (Laughs).
Rhonda: Uh, the most-
Jim: We had to edit that.
Rhonda: Right, right. The highlight of it was he couldn’t remember more… He remembered more about his 1969 Mach 1 Mustang than he did about our date life, but it did take place in the Mach 1, so.
Jim: Wow, it sounds like the expectations are already-
John: Steve is in the gallery thumbs up, yeah.
Jim: Way to go, Steve.
Rhonda: And then we sold it when we got married to be grown-ups, so we used-
Jim: Whose idea was it to sell the car?
Rhonda: His dad.
Jim: I just need to…
John: Oh, his dad?
Jim: Not yours though?
Rhonda: No.
Jim: Okay, good.
Rhonda: I love that car.
Jim: You were already a wise wife at that point.
Rhonda: Yeah. (Laughs). I learned to drive in that car, but he… Uh, yeah, so he, I think he sold it for $3,000. It’s worth over 100,000. We used the money for our honeymoon. So I like to say he took me on $100,000 honeymoon.
Jim: There you go.
John: Oh, that’s nice. Good way to look at it.
Rhonda: (Laughs).
Jim: And I’m sure your first kiss was in the car. I don’t know.
Rhonda: No, it was not.
Jim: Okay. All right.
Rhonda: No, it was not, it was not. Actually, and I’ll say this, the first kiss, he’ll say I kissed him first, but he did that thing where he gets right up there and didn’t lean in, just waited.
Jim: So you didn’t have an option?
Rhonda: And then I finally leaned in. So he will say I kissed him first, but i- it was a setup. (Laughs).
Jim: I know, technically I think Steve’s in the right there, but I don’t know. People can, uh, write and call and text us if you disagree.
Rhonda: Yes. But he’s super fun. He is like the love of my life. We laugh all the time. But it wasn’t always laughs It wasn’t always… You know, when we got married… So when we first get married, I walk down the aisle with that big white hat veil thing in the 70s, or no, I got married in the 80s. In the 80s.
Jim: (Laughs).
Rhonda: And, and when we went on our honeymoon, we took a month and we went to all the places like that I’ve never been, the national parks that I had never been.
Jim: Wow.
Rhonda: And we went to Yellowstone was one of these places.
Jim: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Rhonda: And I… We’d been traveling, car rides, fast food. I got super constipated. Sorry, just being gross. And uncomfortable. So he gets these little pills and he gives me one, one night and says, “Take it. You’ll be fine in the morning.” Well, I wasn’t fine in the morning, but we’ll try again tomorrow. We go to Yellowstone. And Yellowstone has, uh, Old Faithful. So he’s, you know, young and we’re gonna hike up this hill, this mountain to look down on Old Faithful when it erupts from that vantage point, it’s gonna be so good. I’m like, “Yeah, it’s gonna be so good.”
And at that point, you know, when you’re dating and they wanna go hiking, you’re like, “Yeah, I’ll go hiking.” I really didn’t like hiking, but I liked him. So… (Laughs). So I don’t know-
Jim: Yeah, I’ll go.
Rhonda: “Yeah, let’s hike.” We hike up to the top of this hill. But as we’re hiking, my morning coffee and that pill that I took the night before and the exercise started working and I was like, “Hang on. Ha- ha- ha- hang, hang on.” And finally I’m like, “Dude, I gotta get down that mountain to that bathroom where there’s gonna be our own Old Faithful geyser right here.”
Jim: (Laughs).
Rhonda: (Laughs). And he’s looking at his little blushing bride going, “Okay, for better or worse.” So I think that’s when he realized he didn’t marry a princess, he married a woman with needs. But for me, when we got married, we went to work. We lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. We flipped houses. We would, um… ‘Cause it was so expensive, you know, California. And so we would live in them, flip ’em. And we had moved into this one little house, and I worked full-time, and he worked full-time, and he was a carpenter. And so he would…
On Black Fridays, they didn’t have to work him and his brother, or on rainy days. And I would come home and he and his brother would be playing, um, Atari video games, you know, Pong and uh, uh, uh, it was that Space Invaders. And they would have made peanut butter toast for their snack throughout the day and there would be crumbs on the counter. And I would just clean them up and the next time I be… There would be peanut butter toast. And I would clean him up. And finally one day I walked into the kitchen and there were peanut butter toast crumbs. And I just started sobbing. And he comes in and he’s like, (laughs), “What is going on with the peanut butter toast crumbs?”
And I said, “You don’t care what I do all day.” I felt like those peanut butter toast crumbs screamed to me, “Clean it up, lady, do it again.” And he said, “I was just making them on the counter instead of dirtying a plate. So you didn’t have to have a dish to wash.” So it wasn’t really… The issue wasn’t the issue. I was trying to read into, assign wrong motives to his actions. And so often that’s how marriages start to unravel. And that’s what we start focusing on, is those things. And when I knew I had a potential to become the wife that I had watched in my family, I come from a long line of divorce in my family, I knew I needed help. And I knew that if I didn’t get some help from older women, because hashtag old ladies know stuff, that’s the name of my podcast. And I will swear by that Titus two women, they saved my marriage.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: I made friends with older women who enjoyed their husbands and they were just amazing mentors.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Yeah. It’s good. Rhonda., There seems to be this eternal battle where the perception is, and it’s not always the shoe on that foot. Sometimes the roles can be reversed. And we’ve heard from people that say, “Hey, wait a minute, I’m the one that wants more physical intimacy, “and this is the wife speaking. But typically maybe that 90/10 rule, 80/20 rule, uh, the husband’s desire, the appetite that is God-given. I mean, let’s face it, if we didn’t have that appetite, there may be no children in the world. But that feeling like this is what he’s thinking about all the time, it’s all he cares about, I’m tired of it, it just like is unending. And then on the other side is this emotional need that the wife is typically saying, “You know, you don’t meet any of my emotional needs. Why should I meet your physical needs?” And it seems to be this brokered thing that we gotta figure out in marriage. What’s a healthy, spiritually led, God-centered way of dealing with this?
Rhonda: You nailed it. The Lord created us to long for intimacy in those specific ways. Um, when wives understand that God gave your husband a longing to connect with you in the marriage bed, it’s not wrong, it’s God-given. He created in you a longing to connect with your husband through your emotions, through conversation, through all of those things. So I’m speaking to the wives right now. Let’s say your husband came home from work every day. You’re a stay-at-home mom, you’re eating the crust off the kids’ peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, all the things, you’re just surviving. He comes in, you’re in the same yoga pants for a week, and he comes in and he… You’re saying, “What, you know, what’s it like out there? What did you have for lunch? What are people talking about?” And he’s like, “I can’t, I have used all my words for the day. I can’t talk to you.” And he sits in his chair and he turns on the TV and watches sports. You’d give it to him.
If he did that for two weeks, you would feel unloved and not valued, disconnected. In the same way, if your husband comes home for two weeks and every day you say, “Do not touch my skin. I have been touched by babies. I have been nursed on. I’ve been talked to. I don’t want that, I’m tired. I’m too tired for that.” It’s the same exact rejection he feels if you are rejecting him physically as you feel when he rejects speaking to you for that length of time.
Jim: Is that, uh, alluding to the golden rule you’re talking about in the book? What’s the golden rule?
Rhonda: Well, do unto others-
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: As you would have them do unto you. I want you to talk to me, I want you to… Well, then you serve him. And, and I know that… (Laughs). Everyone’s like, “Oh, I, you just lost me, woman.” But, but serve… He’s vulnerable in this area. This is a vulnerability that he has. And the only person on planet Earth that can meet this need without him struggling with shame or fear is you.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And God gave you to him to do that. So for wives, your husband comes home, and he brings you some Gerbera daisies, and you’re in the thick of it and you’re doing homework with the kids and you’re making dinner and he sees you’re busy. So he puts those daisies on the counter and he goes in and watches TV to get outta your way so that you can get done. But he’s thinking he’s gonna get lucky tonight ’cause he brought you those Gerber daisies and you’re looking at those daisies going, “I’m gonna whop him upside the head with those daisies. Get in here and help me, buddy.” But he doesn’t. And the more that he doesn’t help, the more irritated you are, right?
So when the kids are finally in bed and he says… You know, gives you that little wink and you’re like, “Uh, no, I’m tired.” If we’re gonna live with our husband according to knowledge, real romance is different in different seasons of our life.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: When Steve and I were dating, he’d bring me flowers from across town and I would be like, “Oh, how romantic.” When my kids were little, it’s like, “You wanna romance me? Make all this crazy go away.”
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: “I don’t care if you feed ’em cereal for dinner. I don’t care if they go to bed without a bath. Just give me five minutes. I’ve had my mama hat on all day long.”
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: “My sexy mama hat is somewhere under the bed in the dust bunnies. Let me go find it and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” You have to coach them. That speaks romance to me so much more. Text me throughout the day, tell me you’re thinking of me. Coach them to know how to romance you because they really don’t know. And we’re the only one that can tell them.
And I think when you’ve watched marriages around you unravel growing up, you know, “I don’t wanna do that.” But it’s so easy to focus on what you don’t wanna do that you don’t really know what to focus on that you should do. But having the understanding that God called Titus two women to mentor younger women. And what did he tell ’em to do? To teach them how to love their husbands and love their children. And that word for love their husband is to be a friend to their husband. That word is friendship, love. I wanted to be my husband’s friend for the rest of his life. I didn’t want him to have to, like, walk in the door, take a deep breath, like, “How’s she gonna be today?” Uh, you know, walking on eggshells. So this book really walks, uh, women through what I learned from the older mentors in my life.
Jim: Yeah. In that regard though, uh, the woman… And I think this is pretty common today, women that feel like they’re falling out of love-
Rhonda: Mm-hmm.
Jim: You know, as if it’s a switch, and… You know, and the fact that feelings may not be your best detector of what is true, but they, they have a superpower over us.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Jim: How we feel is who we are so often, rather than the reality of who we are. But speak to that woman who, “You know what, he just… Yeah, he hasn’t met my expectations.” That’s category one. Then it moves to, “Therefore I don’t feel like I’m as in love with him as I once was. Therefore, maybe this thing is coming to an end.”
Rhonda: Whew, that’s a hard one. And I, I feel like we have to back up to understanding the expectations when they’re not met, we start keeping a record of those expectations.
Jim: Uh, have you noticed that?
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Yeah, I’ve never noticed that.
Rhonda: And, and 1 Corinthians 13 says that love does not keep a record of wrong.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: It also says, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Believes all things in that passage means believes the best about the other person. The same way that I want my husband to believe the best about me, I want him to do that for me. I wanna do that for him. But, you know, in our own self-righteousness, it’s common for us to blame someone else. And when we are judging someone else for not measuring up to our expectations and keeping a list of those, there is a tendency to fall out of love. Because how did you fall into love? You thought about what was good, right, honorable, praiseworthy. You rehearsed the things that you loved about that person. And it’s the same way to fall out of love, you rehearse the things you don’t love about that person.
John: Mm-hmm
Jim: You know, that’s true. I’m thinking you fall out of the feeling of love. You know, think of our relationship with the Lord.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Jim: You know, if it’s based on our behavior, the Lord would be saying, “I’m so done with you.”
Rhonda: Yeah.
Jim: “You haven’t met my expectations. You haven’t lived up to the standard I set for you. Why have you disappointed me like this?” I mean, you can hear that conversation if that were the nature of God, thank heavens it’s not.
Rhonda: Yeah.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: He loves you unconditionally and it’s hard to repeat in the human experience.
John: Yeah, this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And our guest today is Rhonda Stoppe. And we’re talking about, uh, just a little bit of the content. There’s so much in here. Uh, the book is called, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe. Uh, you’ll find details about that at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast, or give us a call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.
Jim: Rhonda, let me ask you, in the book you mentioned the three Rs that you encourage couples to follow to get that feeling back, that feeling of love. So let’s hit that for hope.
Rhonda: You know where those three Rs came from? When Jesus talked to the churches in the Book of Revelation.
Jim: Huh.
Rhonda: And he said, “Remember from where you have fallen,” he says, “Repent, remember, return.” And that’s a beautiful picture. When our relationship is starting to not be what we had hoped it would be, when, when we know we need to rekindle it. Uh, if you think about it, your kids are gonna emulate your marriage. What do you want for your kids? Do you want them to just tolerate their spouse or be tolerated by their spouse? You wanna live in a way that they say, “That’s our normal.” Steve and I do premarital counseling with couples, and the first thing we unpack is, “Let’s talk about your family of origin. What is your normal? And let’s create your new normal.” So remember, the first one is repent. And that’s when we talked about the log out of your own eye. Uh, most people will judge others harshly, right?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: But they don’t wanna evaluate their own sin. So search me, oh God, know my heart, try me, you know, my anxious thoughts. See if there’s any wicked way in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. And then the next one is to remember. Remember how you longed for them to look your way, to call you, to give you attention? Uh, remember how you fell in love. Remember those magical moments. And, you know, we talked earlier about being a friend. Remember you were their friend. When you were dating, they were like, “She’s my best friend. She’s gonna be my best friend for the rest of my life.” Well, who do you like to hang out with? Do you have friendships where they keep record of, “You didn’t call me on my birthday. Uh, you haven’t called me in two weeks. I’ve been waiting to see how long was it gonna take you before you threw me a text? Hey, you said this and it hurt my feelings?”
Uh, those relationships, we’re kind of careful with. You don’t… You don’t wanna be that spouse. You wanna be the one that you know he knows, “That woman believes the best about me.”
Jim: Um, in the book, you also mentioned a story about your parents and what they taught you in, in, I would say kind of sacrificial love. I think it had to do with late night trips to the hardware store or something.
Rhonda: (Laughs).
Jim: But this is one of those things to keep playfulness alive, to keep connection alive. What was the, the story about your parents and how did you embrace that and increase your time with Steve in a positive way?
Rhonda: Well, my parents were teenagers when they got married. And they were not believers. My dad came to Christ when I was four years old and it literally changed the trajectory of our family.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: Actually led my mom to the Lord six months before she passed away in 2016. Um, but my mom and dad didn’t have good examples in their upbringing. They came from families with addictions and all that. So they tried as the best they could. And my dad one day came in and asked my mom, “Hey, I gotta go to the hardware store to get… Go buy a ladder. You wanna come with me?” And she said, “Why? Why would I wanna go with you? I… Uh-uh.” And she didn’t go. And I saw it deflate my dad. So what I learned wasn’t look how they did it right, it was she just deflated him.
Jim: And you could see it physically.
Rhonda: I could see it.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And I remembered that experience as a child, not dwelling on it in a resentful way, but saying, “I wanna learn not to be like that.” So Steve and I, we would flip houses and we would live in these houses. Let me just tell you what a mess that was. But it was like part of our, our, our story. But one night, he was like, “We’re gonna go to the hardware store.” There was one open all night, and our oldest daughter was old enough to watch the two younger ones. So we’d tuck everybody into bed, and we would go to this hardware store. And then at midnight they actually dim the lights to start the new day and then the lights come back on. And so we would go to this one hardware store, we’d grab a coffee, and they would play the best 70s music. I think they knew that it was those of us that age that were there at that time.
Jim: I’m thinking coffee at midnight? You guys are gangbusters.
John: Living on the edge.
Rhonda: We were in youth ministry. We were up till 4:00 AM most of the time with those teenagers. And so we, um, we would listen to the 70s music that we fell in love to in the aisles at the hardware store, and we would dance. And he’s probably going, “Don’t tell that.” (Laughs).
Jim: Well, he must be a good dancer.
Rhonda: But it was so romantic.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And I would’ve missed that if I would’ve said, “You go, I’m gonna stay here with the kids.”
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: Right? So learning from just making it fun, making it playful. You would’ve dropped everything when you were dating if he asked you to go, right?
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And… Oh, so, another fun story. So, so Steve took a new job. We were in Texas, we had a, um, opportunity to come back and he was a pastoring at a church now, that he’s actually been here 25 years. We just celebrated. And he was a brand new pastor there. And I was in his office and I was praying for him ’cause it was a hard decision for us to come back. We really loved our-
Jim: To Colorado?
Rhonda: Church. No, in… I’m sorry, California.
Jim: Oh, California.
Rhonda: We loved our church in Texas that we had planted, and to come back to California. We’re both Californians. California’s not the easiest place to be in ministry, but we came back. So I was in Steve’s office praying for him while he was out in the sanctuary doing band practice. And he’s got his, you know, mic and he’s playing the keyboard, singing every… The whole band’s out there. And he comes into his office to get some music. And I grab him, and I pull him to myself, and I’m right in his face. And this is a family show, so I’m not gonna tell you what I said to him, but I said something like, “I’m so hot for you right now,” or something, like, to that effect. And he said, “Let me just turn off my mic.”
Jim: (Laughs).
Rhonda: And he reached back, he had his mouth… In mic right by his mouth.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And I just was like, “No.” And he’s like, “Yes.” Everyone in the band heard. (Laughs). I stayed in there until everybody went home.
Jim: Yes, I bet.
Rhonda: But those are playful memories that you just wanna keep in your marriage because honestly, especially when you’re raising kids and your sleepless nights and you’re hormonal and you’re tired, there’s so much work to be done.
Jim: Well, that’s a question I was gonna ask.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Very next one. So nice setup up.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm.
Jim: For that woman that is de- dealing with difficulties physically, emotionally, that keep her from being the person, the wife that she wants to be, what do you say to her in a counseling session?
Rhonda: I’ve been there.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: I have been there. And even when you know that you are… Those things coming outta your mouth that you know are hurting your relationship and you just keep going. Uh, a hard season in our life. We had… Um, the ranch that we own in California, we moved to the middle of nowhere. We lived on a generator for almost three years. We were off the grid, and-
Jim: You are gutsy.
Rhonda: (Laughs). But I love that guy. So I followed him. We had a one-bedroom house, slept on a sofa bed in the living room so our two kids that we had at the time could have the one-bedroom. And I had a surprise pregnancy with my young… Did the whole pregnancy on that sofa bed. Uh, brought her home to this little cottage. And Steve’s parents, his mom came down with Alzheimer’s.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: And so we had his dad move up on our property to a house on our property so he could take care of her full time. And it was hard. And I would watch his mom, so his dad could go to town. And his mom, who used to love me, all of a sudden, didn’t love me anymore. She was irritated with me. And it was hard. And I had little kids, and I was hormonal. I had postpartum after that baby. It was a very hard season and living on a generator. So, you know, you’re like-
Jim: And sleeping on a sofa.
Rhonda: Yeah. Like, “I’m gonna turn on the generator to run the dishwasher. You can watch cartoons while I do…” I mean, you know, it’s all those things. And sleeping on a sofa. No place to hide. But I remember one day Steve came in the house and I see… I can see his face as I’m looking at him over the kitchen counter. And I just started in. You know, they’re coming home from work and they’re, “Hi honey.” You’ve already had the argument.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: You’ve, you’ve already had it and you’re ready to tell him what all the things you’re gonna tell him. “Hi honey,” and he… I just said, “You always, you never, this, that and the other.” And I was just dumping on him all the hard parts of my life. And he just looked at me and he said, “Rhonda, what do you want me to do?” And I realized we were just in a hard season and there was nothing that he could do to fix it. There was nothing. And I was expecting him to somehow make it better. And I knew, “I’m wounding this man with my words. I’m trying to help him be better at what he can do, but this is the best that we have at this season.”
And so I, I apologize to him, and I promised myself I would never do that again. But, but our words, you can’t take him back. And, you know, when we’re in that place, it’s so hard. And I remember saying, when I was so hormonal, “The fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, generalist, patience,” all those things. Self-control was the only fruit on my vine. I could hold my tongue. Keep my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking lies and ask the Lord just to gimme strength because I knew this, this could be the unraveling of, of what I wanted for our friendship, for our relationship, for our adoration of each other. And who’s watching? Your kids.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: And how insecure do they feel?
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Yeah. It’s good. You know, we’re right here at the end. I want to ask you this. You have a story of a married couple in the book uh, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy. I’m not gonna give the tagline. You’ll give that in a minute, John. I think their names were Bill and Eleanor who had a wonderful love story. What happened? And why is it important to end on this?
Rhonda: That’s my mother-in-law and my father-in-law.
Jim: Okay.
Rhonda: So, so Bill and Eleanor. I had never seen a couple be friends with each other. I’d never seen somebody love each other the way that my husband’s parents did when I met them. And over the years… I know I have to make this short, so I will, you can read the whole story in the book. Um, their love for Christ, for others, for sharing the gospel. They were just the picture of what I would’ve wanted for my marriage. And then Eleanor came down with Alzheimer’s.
Jim: Right.
Rhonda: And Steve’s dad just took care of her. And you know, the Bible, Jesus said, “There’s no greater love than this, than a man laid down his life for his friend.” And she was his friend.
Jim: How long did that take?
Rhonda: 10 years.
Jim: 10 years.
Rhonda: She was 10 years. So for 10 years he took care of this woman who had been his friend all of their years that they had been married.
Jim: Yeah.
Rhonda: And, and he adored her. He wouldn’t put her in a home. He took care of her. And I watched. Now, my kids watched that selfless love.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: That didn’t start the day she came down with Alzheimer’s, it started the decades that they worked on loving Christ, loving each other, and loving, telling people about Jesus. And the last, uh… Her, her… Before she lost her ability to speak, she stopped talking except she could speak in German. It was so funny. But I was watching her one day and she was telling me, “I, I led this woman to the Lord. We have to help her.” And I’m like, “She never goes anywhere. Who’d you lead to the Lord, like, literally?” And I took her to the restroom later that day, and then she was washing her hands, she looked in the mirror, she goes, “That’s her.” And she didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. “That’s her. That’s the woman that I led to Jesus. We have to help her.”
And it just so resonated with my heart that her love for Christ, even to the end, and the love that she had for her husband, so reflected her love for Christ. And that is reflected in her children, her grandchildren, and now in her 15 grandchildren, that are ours. Uh, that’s what we want, right? Passing the baton on. Our hope is in, uh, the few years that we’re here, that we will live in a manner worthy of our calling that will draw our children and our grandchildren toward Christ and to live out a marriage that they’ll one day want to emulate.
Jim: Wow. That is a perfect place to end. And what a beautiful love story that is. You know, we say those vows when we get married for-
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Better or worse, rich or poor, in health and sickness.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And that sounds like he kept those vows right to the end. So well done. Rhonda, thanks for being with us.
Rhonda: Always fun.
Jim: This is so good. W- went by really fast. And I just want to look at the viewers on YouTube and the listeners, I just wanna say we’re here for you. If something that we’ve talked about today is resonating with your heart, get in touch with us. A good first thing to do is let’s get you a copy of Rhonda’s book, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe. And it’s a wonderful resource. You’ve got a taste of it through the program today. Maybe you know somebody who, uh, needs that kind of help. Also, we have a marriage assessment tool. It’s free. You can take it. It takes like seven, eight minutes to do. And it will, in a good way, point out the things you’re doing well and some areas you may need to work on.
And, uh, man, it’s just a good way to get started to get to the marriage that you really want and that the Lord wants you to have. That’s the key. And, uh, let’s get started. If you can make a gift of any amount, monthly or one time, we’ll send you a copy of Rhonda’s book to get started. You help us in ministry, we can help you in your marriage, and we can go from there.
John: Yeah, you can find that marriage assessment, ways to donate and, uh, request the book If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe. Uh, all the information and links are at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast. Or you can call us 800, the letter A, and the word Family. Well, join us next time as Cynthia Tobias explains how to get along with family or coworkers who have a different thinking or learning style.
Cynthia Tobias: How many of you know someone who is definitely not like you, you know they don’t think like you? Did you also know this? They don’t want to think like you.
Audience: (Laughs)
