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Developing a Healthy Sexual Relationship

By Juli Slattery
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If you want a deeply satisfying sex life, you must become a student of your spouse.
Like most newlyweds, Josh and Lauren had anticipated the unity and ecstasy of married sexuality. Even though their honeymoon wasn’t perfect, they still hoped that they would “click” and discover the ultimate beauty of sexual oneness. After two years of frustration, their optimism began to wane. Sexual issues topped the list of their arguments. He complained that she was never interested. She responded by pointing out his obvious lack of romantic overtures. How could something designed to create unity have become so divisive in their young marriage? Marital intimacy is fraught with hindrances such as poor communication, unmet expectations and resentment, primarily stemming from the vast differences between male and female sexuality. Perhaps you and your spouse have found yourselves frustrated in the bedroom, in which case it’s probably time for some continuing education. Become a student of your spouse. It took me 10 years of school to become a psychologist. Throughout that time, I was exposed to a fair amount of information on human sexuality. Needless to say, I felt more equipped than the average wife to understand a husband’s needs. Boy, did I overestimate my sex education! Regardless of your background, you have a lot to learn about your spouse’s sexuality. In fact, much of what you assume may actually be wrong. If you want a deeply satisfying sex life, you must go back to being a student. In the following series, we’ll look at how God made men and women different sexually, and how creating genuine intimacy requires vulnerability, effort and creativity.

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The article originally appeared in the February 2007 edition of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2007 by Juli Slattery. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

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About the Author

Dr. Juli Slattery
Juli Slattery

Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, a public speaker, and the author of 10 books. She is also the president and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality. Prior to starting Authentic Intimacy, Juli served at Focus on the Family from 2008-2012 as a writer, teacher and co-host of the Focus on the Family …

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