Christmas Conversation Starters for Couples

By Focus on the Family Magazine
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married couple hugging in the snow
© Gorodenkoff/Adobe Stock
One of the best things you can give your spouse during the holidays is time. Use these Christmas conversation starters to build intimacy with your spouse.

What would happen if you received all the gifts itemized in the “12 Days of Christmas”? Apart from the “five gold rings,” you would have “10 lords a-leaping” and “seven swans a-swimming” — and all totaled, 50 people and 23 birds. That’s a lot of holiday stress! Unfortunately, the milk that the “eight maids a-milking” could collect and eggs that could be gathered from “three French hens” and “six geese a-laying” wouldn’t suffice to feed the new personnel. And imagine how your backyard would look (and smell) after caring for all those birds!

Buying the gifts listed in the “12 Days of Christmas” probably won’t help build your relationship with your true love, but investing in 12 honest, heartfelt conversations this holiday season just might be the best gift you could give each other — because what you’re really giving is the priceless gift of being known more deeply. And that’s much better than 12 drummers drumming!

The following Christmas conversation starters are designed to help you start those meaningful discussions. Try just one conversation starter a day and give yourselves at least 10 minutes to share your answers. (Settling down together with a cup of coffee, spiced tea or hot apple cider would also help create a relaxing vibe.) Try silently predicting your spouse’s answers before he or she shares. You might be surprised by how much you didn’t know about your spouse.

12 Christmas conversation starters

  1. If pay were irrelevant, would you pursue another career? If so, what would motivate you tochange, and what would you hope to gain?
  2. Name three outrageous things you’ve done. Do you regret any of those choices? Do you want to live more cautiously or take more risks now?
  3. Imagine you could relive one day of your life. Which day would it be?Why?
  4. Imagine you could ask anyone alive today one question and you be given an honest answer. What’s the question, and whom would you ask?
  5. If I threw you a surprise party and invited friends and family members, whom would you most enjoy seeing? Why?
  6. If you could discover the truth about any single fact regarding history, yourself, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  7. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? How do your dreams affect your mood after you wake?
  8. In what areas do you judge others harshly? Which behaviors are you more able to overlook or forgive?
  9. During your adult life, when have you experienced the most personal growth? What could you do to move into another growth period?
  10. Do you see time as “slipping through your fingers,” or are you content with what you accomplish each day? How does your answer affect how you live?
  11. What dreams do you have that haven’t been realized? Do you usually daydream about events that will most likely never happen, or do you think about more easily attainable goals? Why?
  12. Imagine you could turn back the clock and change the way your parents or guardians raised you. What changes would you ask for? Why might you be better off with these changes?

Want more great ideas?

If you liked these Christmas conversation starters, you might also like Conversation Starters for Date Nights. Or for a relationship-building Focus on the Family resource that will enhance your marriage relationship, check out the Little Book of Great Dates.

© 2019 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Used by permission. This article first appeared in the December 2019/ January 2020 issue of Focus on the Family magazine under the title “My True Love Asked of Me …”

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