Who Gets a Vote in Your Preteen’s Life?

Who Gets a Vote in Your Preteen's Life?

Who does your preteen listen to the most?

Does your preteen know who gets a vote in his or her life? Whether your son or daughter knows it or not, someone or something is influencing their perspective. In this upcoming stage of life, your preteen will be looking for approval. Your son might be asking himself: what is true or what matters? Your daughter might be asking herself: why do I feel so sad or so angry? 

Often your son or daughter will listen to the voice that’s the loudest or most convincing. Do you know who that will be?

Use this guide to help begin a conversation with your preteen about who they allow to have a vote in their life. As you continue your conversation, help your son or daughter learn more about how they’re wired and what they value in relationships. 


  1. Encourage your preteen to think of people who influence them. This could be family, friends, teachers, coaches, or other people in their life.
  2. This target has three rings. Each ring represents who gets the most votes in your preteen’s life. Think of votes like influence points. Whoever has the greatest influence gets the most points.
    1. The center ring is for the people who get the most votes.
    2. The next ring is for the people who get a medium number of votes.
    3. The final and outer ring is for the people who get the fewest number of votes.
  3. Then, have your son or daughter write the names of the people in which section they think they belong.
  4. For example, if mom or dad get the most votes in your preteen’s life, they would go in the center ring. If a sibling gets a medium number of votes, they go in the next ring.
  5. Once they finish, use the questions below to guide conversation about topics like influence, purpose, and relationships.