When Gwen met Luke, he talked about fishing all the time and even invited Gwen to join him. Gwen had gone fishing with her family and was indifferent to it. But she had a crush on Luke, so how could she refuse?
Gwen quickly realized that Luke’s idea of fishing was very different than her experience. She was used to sitting on a dock, popping open a can of soda and staring at a bobber. When Gwen went with Luke, she found that he preferred a remote, muddy creek where they had to wade in waist-deep water. It was humid and muddy, not to mention the spiderwebs crisscrossing their path and snakes hiding in the tall grass. Gwen felt uncomfortable but told Luke she was having a great time. Deep down she would’ve preferred to be reading a book or painting.
Have you been in a situation like Gwen’s? It’s common for a guy friend or crush to have different hobbies than you. And that’s OK. But how should you respond?
Your hobbies
God created each of us uniquely with different gifts. There’s no one else exactly like you—you’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Talk about amazing! When we engage in our hobbies, we are tapping into the creativity that God designed within us. Whether it’s crocheting, gardening or pottery, each hobby gives us joy and something to look forward to doing. The more we explore our hobbies, the more we can learn about ourselves.
The problem arises when we ditch our hobbies or try to become someone else to impress a guy. Instead, decide to celebrate the person God created you to be. Don’t let your vibrant self fade away by trying to fit into what you think your crush wants.
His hobbies
While it’s good to be your authentic self, it’s also OK to step out and try new things. For instance, your guy friends might like skateboarding, rock-climbing or video-gaming. Consider trying a new activity that a guy would be willing to teach you. Who knows? It might be your next new hobby! Remember, God uniquely designed guys, too, and their hobbies are just as important as yours.
When you join in on a hobby with a guy, you might catch a glimpse of his character. You may find that you enjoy seeing the passion he has for his hobby just as much as trying out a new hobby for yourself.
For instance, Paula, who joined her friends for a ski weekend in Colorado, personally wanted to spend it soaking in the hot tub. But she figured she should give the slopes a try, right? While her peers deftly weaved between trees, she ever-so-slowly tumbled down that very same mountain. Thankfully, Sean, one of the guys there, was kindhearted and caring through the whole painful ordeal. He patiently stayed by her side, reminding her to point her skis inward like a slice of pizza. To this day, she respects him for how he treated her.
Some activities can be challenging, but joining in another’s hobby may help you get to know the person better. So instead of “I can’t do it,” try responding with an “I’ll give it a try.”
Your differences
Let’s imagine you tried his hobby, and it was a bust. That’s OK. It’s perfectly fine to have some separate interests. Just because you don’t like to participate in a few of a guy’s hobbies, you can still be friends. You might enjoy doing gymnastics or making jewelry with the girls. And he might prefer to go water rafting with his buddies.
Even when you don’t enjoy one of your crush’s hobbies, you can learn to appreciate his enjoyment of it. Remember Gwen? Even though she didn’t like fishing, she appreciated Luke’s passion for it after going with him. But she didn’t have to continue fishing with him if she didn’t like this hobby.
Be honest if a hobby isn’t what you prefer to do, and look for ways to support him in it. Attend his events, cheer him on and listen intently when he shares his wins and losses or what he did. How else might you be supportive? Well, as you stick close to Jesus, He can help to open your eyes to opportunities. After all, He’s the source of love itself, who put your interests ahead of His own at the Cross (Philippians 2:3-5).
Nothing in common
What if it turns out you have nothing in common with your crush? If you’ve spent time together and it’s still hard to connect, perhaps it’s best to remain just friends. It’s OK to look for someone who shares more of your interests.
Even if you have no hobbies to share, it’s good to have friends who are different than you because you’ll learn from them. As you get to know different guys, you might find that you have more in common than you thought, or that you can learn cool new skills by exploring their unique interests.
Common ground and compromise
It’s important to find a balance and discover what you can enjoy with someone else. Why play tug-of-war when you can be on the same team? Find ways you both can have fun.
When Kenly and Cooper first became friends, he was all about pickleball, while she was passionate about dance. As their relationship progressed, they learned to compromise. Now they dance together and team up for pickleball. They don’t do all their hobbies together, but they’ve chosen to be a part of each other’s life through two activities that are important to them. Compromise can be a blast when you’re open to trying new things.
You don’t need to change who you are for a guy—just be open to trying new things with him. The teen years are an ideal time to explore new hobbies and experiences, so be brave, keep an enthusiastic attitude and have fun!
