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Focus on the Family Broadcast

Best of 2022: Encouraging Moms to Laugh

Best of 2022: Encouraging Moms to Laugh

Pastor Ted Cunningham brings hilarious encouragement to moms by urging them to stop stressing out over non-essential decisions, and start actively seeking out a more lighthearted approach to life.
Original Air Date: December 9, 2022

Preview:

Pastor Ted Cunningham: Your children are not your source of life, don’t bind your strength from ’em. (laughs) You’re like, “Oh no, my kids fill me up.” Yeah, give it a while. You will find out nothing sucks the life out of you faster-

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: … than a child.

End of Preview

John Fuller: Pastor Ted Cunningham has some hope and encouragement somewhere in there for busy parents on this Best Of 2022 edition of Focus on the Family. Thanks for the joining us. Your host is Focus president, Jim Daly.

Jim Daly: Well, John, we all love our kids, of course. But if we expect them to be our source of joy and our reason for living, well, we’re bound to be disappointed, right? Only God can truly fill our hearts that way, and that’s the message Ted Cunningham will share today. And this is one of our top programs of the year. In fact, it had over 200,000 views on the YouTube channel. Ted is going to encourage you to de-stress with laughter and I know you’re gonna get a kick out of this presentation. It’s based on his book, A Love that Laughs, published by Focus on the Family.

John: Right. And you can get a copy from us, of course, uh, and the proceeds go right back into ministry. Look for A Love that Laughs at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Ted is really a favorite on this broadcast. He’s such an entertaining speaker and comedian, and he’s the founding pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri. Hear now Ted Cunningham speaking at a Sparkle Women’s Conference at River Valley Church in Minneapolis on Focus on the Family.

Ted: It is great to be here. There’d been a lot of moments where we’ve been told to turn to our neighbor and say, and I really haven’t been comfortable with any of them. I have to be honest with you.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Turn to your neighbor and say, “You know what? She’s feeling.” I, yeah, I don’t. I don’t really know what’s going on.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Love y’all. It’s so good to be, I’m like, “What am I doing at a women’s conference?” And then, it hit me. Uh, this theme is, is… I’m gonna focus on the last part, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Audience: (laughing and applause)

Ted: And we just heard that the sixth love language is working out.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Wrong. No, I’m just… That’s why… I get it.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: It’s my wife’s love language is working out, long walks. She walks me and the dog every night right before sunset.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: She wants me to live ’til 90. And, uh, I believe the sixth love language could also be laughter. The way we give and receive love. I just finished a book on laughter called A Love that Laughs, and we studied laughter for the last year. And I’ve been watching it in my wife. And my wife has a silent patriotic laugh, is what I call her laugh. When she finds something funny, she places her hand over heart, leans forward and nothing comes out.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: So, ladies, I’m glad you’re laughing. Sometimes, I go to churches that aren’t used to laughter, that’ why I love coming to River Valley. Y’all love to laugh. But I go to some churches, they don’t laugh at all. And I’m like, “Ladies, let the laughter out. You hold it in, it turns to cellulite. I need you to let that laughter out.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Don’t hold it in. I believe the reason I am here today, I wanna tell you who your source is and where you find your strength, but I also wanna encourage you to lighten up. So, as you start at the first part of Proverbs 31:25 which is where when I got this verse and I got this theme, my heart leapt. I was so excited. I started the pencils and things down and just… I’ve been meditating on it for the past few months and asking the question, “Where does a woman find her strength, her hope, her confidence?” Psalm 118:14 says, “My power and strength come from the Lord, and He has saved me.” Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trust in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song, I praise Him.”

Uh, I wanted to tell you, He is your source of life today. He is your source of life and be careful what you do, uh, with people, places or things. Be very careful not to turn people, places or things into your source of life. We say it around our home often, “My source of life is Jesus, not you.” I receive from Him and pour out to you. What you receive from me should be the overflow of my relationship with the Lord. Your strength, your hope, your confidence, it’s not an outward appearance. 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold, jewelry or fine clothes.” Is this prohibitive of that? No. It’s saying don’t let that be your source, but it can be overflow. Don’t let it be your source, rather it should be that of your inner self. The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Wear nice clothes. Wear makeup. Do- that’s not at all what this is teaching. It’s saying it’s just shouldn’t be your source of life. It’s not money. 1 Timothy 6:17, “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” We lose strength and lack confidence when we turn the blessings of God into our source of life. And we start worshiping the blessings rather than the one who blessed us. Where is your source today?

I wanna talk to you in the time that we have remaining just about laughter as a barometer of strength. Laughter as a barometer of strength. Not perfection, but strength. Two other areas that you should never find yourself looking to is your source. Your source is not in your children. They’re not your source of life. And some of you right now, your children had become an extension and you find your value in them. Vanity parenting uses the child’s attributes and accomplishments to try to impress other people. Let your strength, let your confidence, let your hope, let your beauty come from that inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

I have to talk to the moms for just a second ’cause I- everything I do is marriage and parenting, and I can’t get away from it. Mom, you’re stressing out over the non essentials in parenting, and you need to know what the essentials are. And the essentials are, “Hear O, Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul and strength,” and impress these. These commandments are to be upon your heart, impress them upon your children. Bring your children up in the, the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That’s the essentials that we’re going after. But I see parents today stressing over the non essentials. Why? Moms stressing over the non essentials because the children had become the source.

Your family’s not perfect, and you’re gonna do okay. I’m gonna show you a few things. Just to give you an example of what I see parents stressing over today. How about this one right here? Formula. Passionate people. You gotta nurse. You gotta nurse as long as you can. Nursing didn’t work for us with Corynn. She’s like, “Thanks for sharing that with all the women of Minnesota, Dad.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: But it didn’t. Uh, I’ll never forget it. Six weeks. Her sixth week appointment, we went into the doctor, and I’m sitting by Amy, and he comes in. He’s going over all of her charts. Starts looking at her head, “Head’s good. Length good.” Gets to the weight chart. His back is turned to his… He’s one of these doctors that doesn’t have great, uh, bedside manner.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: And I’ll never forget him saying these words, “Good night. What are you doin’? Starving this baby?” I looked over at Amy. The tears start flowing. Uh, this is why it’s so important. If you’re not in a light group, a home group, a small group, if you don’t have community, get in community. Because that night, we had home group. That night, we had home group, and we’re new parents trying to figure out and we ain’t doing that well, and we’re an emotional wreck. We’re not sleeping well. Corynn’s never slept a night, you know, in those first six weeks, and we’re exhausted. We start telling all our struggles, and one older lady in our group gets up and she walks over to the kitchen. And I follow her.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I said, “Excuse me.” I said, “What are you doing?” She reaches up in the cabinet, she grabs that formula they give you free at the hospital. She puts it down and she starts making a bottle. And I go, “Uh, w- w- w- w- hey, what are you doin’?” ‘Cause I’ve read all the books, right? I know what the books say. And there’s somebody in here right now real passionate about it, “Ooh, I hope he’s not giving a message that formula’s okay.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: That’s the whole point I’m trying to make. And I got really all up and arms with this lady, “You can’t give her formula.” She was like, “You give me one good reason why I can’t give Corynn formula right now.” I said, “Well, first of all, I don’t wanna go into community college. That’s where I’ll start with the whole thing.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: That usually gets about 75% laugh, and I’ll explain to you why. 25% are super ugh right now. You’re stressed.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I think your kids are gonna be fine.

Audience: Amen.

Ted: Lighten up, mom. Focus on the essentials. Let go of the non essentials a little bit. Your children are not your source of life. Don’t bind your strength from ’em. (laughs)

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: You’re like, “Oh no, my kids fill me up.” Yeah, give it a while. You will find out nothing sucks the life out of you faster-

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: … than a child. How about this one? Oh, let’s keep going this since we’re having so much fun.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Oh, binky. No, you did not give your daughter a binky. We did-

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: … ’til she was two and a half. Sure, she can’t pronounce her Ss, but she has nailed the other 25 letters. I need you to know that.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: She’s got ’em down. Let’s keep going. How about this? The family bed.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I hear people get online, debate and everything, “Oh, you shouldn’t do this. You should…” I’m, I’m for eradicating the kid centered home, but I wanna explain something right now to every mom in here. And this is serious. This is not a punchline right here. You are under no obligation to explain or defend your parenting choices. Nah. I’m over there. I hate all my Facebook friends.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I hate ’em all. They’re all of their father, the devil and children of darkness. I can’t stand ’em. If you have the family bed and somebody go, “Oh, it’s gonna…” No, like look at all those kids, the dog, the cat. I have no idea how they have so many kids, but…

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: If that’s your choice, no one’s here to tell you otherwise. Although this one stresses parents out. The school picture, right? What school? Public, private, home, Christian? You’re under no obligation to explain or defend your choices.

The bus. I’m seeing parents today stress over the bus. Do we send our kids on the bus? (laughs) I grew up on the bus. How many of you grew up on the bus? I want… Those of you stressing about this decision right now, I want you to look around. I do, because I’m gonna ask this question and you’re gonna be shocked at how many hands go up. How many of you remember, back in the day, bus drivers kicking unruly kids off the bus in the middle of the route? Oh, I’m in Minnesota now. (laughs)

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: It’s 10 below zero, get off the bus. We did though. Do you men- Listen, the bus driver would drop you off a mile and a half from home. I grew up in the cornfields of Illinois. I remember getting dropped off.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: And you’d see a line going through the corn fields to get home. So long as you stayed out in front of the combine, you were fine. But we all survived.

Audience: (laughing)

John: You are listening to Ted Cunningham today on Focus on the Family, and we have his book, A Love that Laughs. It’s available for a gift of any amount to the ministry of Focus on the Family. We’ll also include a free audio download of his entire presentation. So, donate today and request those resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call for details. 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Let’s go ahead and continue now with more from Ted Cunningham.

Ted: How many of you remember when your mom couldn’t figure out which of your siblings was at fault, so she just spanked all of you? How many do you remember that?

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Yeah, those were good days. How many of you remember when you mom sends you upstairs to wait for your spanking?

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: That was worse than the spanking. How many of you remember when mom sends your upstairs to wait for your spanking, then forgot she sent you upstairs to wait for your spanking?

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: You and your brother are like, “Do we tell her? Do we need to remind her what we’re doin’ up here?”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I had a brother four years older and he’s totally stubborn. He’d sit on his side of the bed, “Oh, Dad ain’t gonna break me. Mom ain’t gonna break me.” I’m like, “Are you kidding?” I’m screaming on the back swing.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Let’s see how quick we can do this, but we’ve already enjoyed laughter. Again, understanding that laughter is a barometer of strength. Have you ever gotten to the end of the day and you’re like, “I haven’t laughed once today.” I- Is it a sign? I need to find a way to laugh, or do I need to take a deeper look? What’s going on that I’m so stressed, that I, I’m so focused on all of these, what I’m gonna say and non essentials, that I need to get back to it. And so, I wanted to just share it. I know this seems like a lot, but I think we got time to plow through it. Uh, I have a, a chapter in the book called 38 Benefits of Laughter. And, uh, I wanna give you 42 of them-

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: … uh, before we go to lunch. No, I ain’t keeping you from lunch. But I’d like to give you 15 of them, because Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” And we’ve been taking this medicine since this day began. I’ve been laughing since I walked through the doors at 8:00. I, I gotta tell you somethin’, laughter is a great way to know where am I right now. With strength, with confidence, with hope, it’s a great barometer.

Number one. Laughter is therapy. It’s therapy. We’ve been taking some of this today. Pastor Chuck Swindoll says, “Laugh out loud. It helps flush out the nervous system.” Laughter is the most beautiful and beneficial therapy God ever granted humanity. Laugh.

Number two. Humor helps us learn and hope opens us up for the truth. I always love telling people, “Yes, laughter is a medicine, but it also helps other medicines go down.” And sometimes I get criticized, “You use too much laughter, too much humor when you preach.” I said, “Yeah, but if you just would pay attention while you’re laughing, I’m cramming truth down your throat.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: And I do it Sunday after Sunday.

Three. Humor helps us cope. A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It is jolted by every pebble in the road. Good humor makes all things tolerable. Henry Ward Beecher.

I love the fourth one. Laughter is free.

Audience: Yeah.

Ted: No memberships, no subscriptions.

Number five. When we laugh, we breath in oxygen-rich air. Dr. Sophie Scott, a neuroscientist, I’ve been studying her for the last couple of years. Her, her… I’ve been studying her research. That sounded really weird the way it, uh, came out.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Laughter is a deep breath, figuratively and literally. When you laugh, your rib cage expands and contracts more rapidly than it does when you breathe or talk.

And that leads to the sixth one. Laughing burns calories. I did… I… Just to make a point, when Julia started talking, I looked at my calorie count. By the end of her talk, this is… I was sitting there. We were sitting there. I burned 43 calories during her talk. According to Vanderbilt University, you can shed 40 calories with 10 to 15 minutes of laughter. So, laugh and put away the jogging suit. That’s what I say.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Put away the jogging suit.

Number seven. Laughter reduces tension throughout your entire body. Laughter reduces tension throughout your entire body. I love… I do date night comedy events around the country, and I just… It… My favorite comment to hear when people walk out is my face hurts or my side hurts. I can’t remember the last time we laughed three to five laughs per minute, and you really are exhausted at the end of the time. If you ever watch comedy specials, that’s why they only go an hour and five or an hour and 10 minutes. You’ll, you’ll rarely see a comedy show go to an hour and 15 or an hour and 20 because you just don’t have any more laughs in you. You’re exhausted. That’s a good thing. To exhaust yourself with laughter.

Here’s my favorite one. Number eight. Your body can’t tell the difference between fake and real laughter. Your mind can, but your body can’t. So, if you’re not feeling it, fake it.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: So, I… That’s an important lesson for wives. Okay?

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: I don’t know where your mind just went with that.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: But I’m talking about laughter.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: The next time your husband tells a joke that ain’t funny, fake it.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Go home from this. He says something funny or does something funny, (laughs). Your body is reaping the benefits of that laughter. Let it go.

Nine. Humor grows two people closer together. I heard somebody tell me, uh, I think it was last year, “I think live events are on their way out.” And I went, “What?” I said, “I’ve… I don’t think…” ‘Cause you know what you’ve been doing? You’ve been laughing together. Y- y- you can’t… When you’re in a… You can laugh at something when it’s just you, but it’s not nearly as much fun and it, as this and it’s contagious as this. Like, watch this. I’m gonna show you something. Tickle yourself right now. See if you can make yourself laugh.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Yeah, you can’t do it. You cannot tickle yourself to make yourself laugh. Now, turn to your neighbor.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: No. Don’t turn to your neighbor. I mean, no. Hey, eh, eh, eh, do not turn to your neighbor. I don’t even know this woman, but…

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: She’s with another church. Laughing says, “I’m with you.” It says, “I’m on the same page.” I get it.

  1. Laughter diffuses social tension and awkwardness. Humor is a great tool to break the ice with strangers and new friends. It’s an indicator. It immediately helps us identify other people that get us.

This is a big one. 11. Big. Laughter makes you more attractive, that online dating sites are trying to figure out how to get this into the algorithm besides just the question, “Do you have a sense of humor? Do you want somebody with a sense of humor?” And again, tell the guys in our church, “You don’t need the looks of Brad Pitt, you don’t need the body of The Rock, and you don’t need the confidence of Tony Stark.” Okay? You need a paycheck-

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: … and a couple of jokes.

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: A paycheck and laughter is great for relationship and chemistry.

  1. Laughter humanizes me. Laughter is a shake of the head acknowledging, “I can’t believe I just said that. I can’t believe I just did that.” Ethel Barrymore said, “You grow up the day you had your first real laugh at yourself.” Pastor Mark Patterson says that the happiest and healthiest people in the world are the people who laugh at themselves the most. You’ve got to take God seriously, but you can’t take yourself seriously. Honestly, I think we are grossly underestimating God’s sense of humor. I believe the chief end of men is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We tend to ignore the second half. Maybe we need to take fun more seriously.

Three more. 13. Laughter pleases God. Randy Alcorn says, “Laughter is not only human. It’s explicitly biblical and pleasing to God.” It’s therefore inconceivable to think that Jesus didn’t laugh.

Laughter ministers to others. The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. Mark Twain. And it’s one of the things I love to do when I go in to a hospital. I visited folks from our church in hospice care, and their spouse says, “Ted, we’re so glad you’re here. You need to make him laugh.” Let’s just have fun together, and there’d been plenty of people in their final days where we just stood around, we sat around, we told stories, and we laughed, enjoying the fellowship of one another.

The last one. Laughter reminds us of the hope of heaven. I like what Randy Alcorn says, “Jesus says, ‘Blessed are those who weep now for you shall laugh.’” In context, he’s talking about people having great reward in Heaven. In other words, he’s saying you will laugh in Heaven. Surely, Jesus will join in in the laughter and be a source of much of it. And when Jesus laughs, it’s always the laughter of both God and man. One of the criticisms our church receives in Branson and one of the reasons people w- will say they stay away from our church is because there’s too many people and too much laughter. To which we say, “You’re probably not gonna like Heaven.”

Audience: (laughing)

Ted: Heaven’s gonna be a pretty rough place for you. Martin Luther actually put it this way, “If they don’t allow laughter in heaven, then I don’t wanna go there.” If the earth is fit for laughter, then surely heaven is filled with it. Heaven is the birthplace of laughter.

If I can just encourage you at this last image. It’s, uh, on my phone. It’s my alarm section. 3:40 was to get to Minnesota. But 5:22, in Military time, 1722, which is a reminder of Proverbs 17:22. Let that alarm go off and just ask yourself the question, “Did I even laugh today? How much laughter? What was my conflict to laughter ratio?” A.W. Tozer said, “The people of God ought to be the happiest people in all the wide world.” The Christian owes it to the world to be supernaturally joyful. Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, rejoice.”

Thank you, Sparkle, for allowing me to share a little bit with you this morning. I love y’all very much. Thank you. Thank you.

Audience: (Applause)

John: Ted Cunningham on today’s episode of Focus on the Family. And that presentation was one of our top programs of 2022.

Jim: That’s right, John. And we originally aired this right before Mother’s Day and it was a big hit. And, you know, I have a lot of great memories of my mom, even though I lost her when I was only nine. And I especially remember her great sense of humor. She really loved to laugh, especially in the hard times. It makes me smile just thinking about it. As Ted pointed out, laughter is something that we all need in our lives, and I wanna encourage you to get a copy of his book, A Love that Laughs, published by Focus on the Family. When you request a copy through us, you can be rest assured that the proceeds are going right back into ministry, not the pockets of shareholders. And here at the end of the year, I’d like to invite you to join us as a financial partner as we provide resources to strengthen marriages, empower parents, and protect pre-born children. As the culture becomes more hostile to Christian families, Focus on the Family exists to provide a safe haven where you can find trusted biblical advice for any challenge that you’re facing. Our friendly staff is here to answer your call, and we have an amazing team of counselors who can give you a call if that feedback is needed. We’re here for you. So, can you be here for us and those we serve? Please consider joining us in ministry as we help families thrive in Christ. And when you make a generous donation of any amount, we’ll send you a copy of the book, A Love that Laughs, by Ted Cunningham, plus a free audio download of today’s full presentation as our way of saying thank you. And right now, special friends of this ministry have offered to double your gift, dollar for dollar, so your donation will help twice as many families. Get in touch with us today.

John: Yeah. Visit us online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast to donate and request your book and audio download. Or call us. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Well, have a great weekend, and be sure to back with us on Monday. We’ll hear from Bob Paul, from our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives. He’ll be sharing practical advice to avoid hot buttons in your marriage and provides encouragement like this.

Bob Paul: Our marriages in the church as a result of our knowledge and our relationship with Christ should be materially better, different than those that are not walking with Christ.

Today's Guests

Cover image of Ted Cunningham's book "A Love That Loves"

A Love That Laughs: Lighten Up, Cut Loose, and Enjoy Life Together

Receive the bookA Love That Laughs and the audio download of the broadcast "Encouraging Moms to Laugh" for your donation of any amount! And now through a special matching opportunity, your gift will be DOUBLED, dollar for dollar!

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