Day One
Rebecca St. James: I think for much of my life, I thought that pain and joy were mutually exclusive, that you couldn’t hold both in your heart at the same time. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that there’s something beautiful about the highs and the lows intertwining. And Cubby and I sought God and each other, and found comfort right there in the messy middle.
John Fuller: That’s Rebecca St. James describing how she’s learned to trust God with her dreams, her future, her present. Welcome to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Rebecca and her husband Cubby have joined us in the studio, and they’re gonna share their journey with God, and as a couple with us. Uh, your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John, I think trusting God in the messy middle is life.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Right? Uh, if we attach our emotional wellness to highs and lows, we’re in trouble.
John: Yeah.
Jim: I mean, God’s present with us always, in the highs and in the lows. And I think the irony is we learn more about ourselves in the lows, like what we’re deficient at, where we need help. Uh, have you had that experience? (laughs)
John: Uh, just recently like today. (laughs)
Jim: So that’s why this is such a great story with Rebecca and her husband, Cubby. And we’re gonna cover their love story, which is always good. So, this is nice to kick back, get a cup of tea, cup of coffee, sit and listen together.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Because it, I think, will rekindle even your own journey in marriage.
John: Yeah. There’s something here for all of us no matter where you are, uh, with regard to marriage. Maybe you haven’t even gotten married yet, or maybe it’s been decades. Uh, you’re gonna learn from Rebecca and Cubby. Uh, Rebecca is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and actress, author of more than a dozen books. Uh, we’re pleased to have her here, Jim-
Jim: (laughs).
John: … because she’s here to do some work on Practice Makes Parent, a Focus on the Family Podcast with Dr. Danny Huerta. I think it’s a great podcast. I hope our listeners, uh, really dial in and enjoy it as well. Cubby Fink is a successful film director and producer. Uh, he was in a Grammy-nominated pop music band. And together, Cubby and Rebecca have written a terrific book capturing their story, and offering some really good life lessons. It’s called And of course, we have details about our guests and their book at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Rebecca, it’s so good to have you back at Focus.
Rebecca: Jim, such a joy.
Jim: (Laughs) I don’t know how many times, but it’s been a number of times going back to the early 2000s.
Rebecca: Oh, my. This building has so much-
Jim: (laughs).
Rebecca: … nostalgia for me, and this room-
Jim: We-
Rebecca: … too.
Jim: Yeah. We’re gonna-
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: … Have to get you a parking, uh, place out there too-
Rebecca: Yeah. I think-
Jim: … so you know where to park.
Rebecca: … I deserve my own security-
Jim: (laughs).
Rebecca: … you know-
John: Badge. Yeah.
Rebecca: Badge. Yes.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And Cubby, welcome-
Cubby Fink: Thank you so much.
Jim: … into the big family.
Cubby: I’m here.
Rebecca: It’s his first time.
Cubby: Yeah. First time here.
Jim: I call him, “Cubby the hubby.”
Cubby: (laughs).
Rebecca: I like that.
Jim: How many years did you and I talk about your future husband? (laughs)
Rebecca: I mean, a long time.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: Which was awesome. You had such a heart-
John: Hmm.
Jim: … to be married.
Cubby: Mm.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: I mean that’s what, whenever we met, it wasn’t about your career. It wasn’t about singing. That was not what you really talked about. You talked about is there a man out there for me?
Rebecca: Mm.
Jim: Does the Lord have somebody?
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And I just remember, “Man, there’s gotta be some good guy out there because who wouldn’t wanna marry Rebecca?”
Rebecca: Ah, thank you.
Jim: I mean, she’s beautiful inside, beautiful outside.
Rebecca: Thank you, Jim.
Jim: And it sounds like God’s answered your prayer.
Rebecca: He sure did.
Jim: (laughs).
Rebecca: He sure did.
Cubby: I hope so.
Jim: Well, let’s unravel this a little bit.
Cubby: (laughs).
Rebecca: Sounds good.
Jim: Go back, you know, the movie obviously about your family.
Rebecca: Unsung Hero.
Jim: Unsung Hero. And just recap that journey coming out of Australia.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Which of course, everybody loves your accent, by the way.
Rebecca: Good.
Jim: (laughs).
Rebecca: I hope it’s still there. I’ve tried to keep it.
Jim: Yeah. That’s so good. And but you move to the States as a family.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: A lot of turmoil, but describe-
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: … what was taking place, and how old you were.
Rebecca: Yeah. So it was ’91. I was 14. 6 kids in our family. Um, my mum, very pregnant with my sister. And we-
Jim: Huh.
Rebecca: … moved to the other side of the world from Australia because my dad got offered a job in Nashville. And then a couple of months after that big move, that job was no longer. And so, we were now plunged into a lot of uncertainty, and no car, no furniture. And I mean… I, it they show it in the movie, but there literally was sheets that were wrapped around winter clothes as our beds for a little while. And, um, you know, very, very close to the poverty line, and overdue in our rent, you know, months. Just the grace of God that we weren’t, uh, kicked out of that rental-
Jim: Right.
Rebecca: … place. But, um, we prayed for money and food and a car and all the things, and just saw it happen and saw miracles happen. Saw groceries on the doorstep, and checks in the mail that would just cover bills. And, you know, somebody paid for my sister to be, uh, born in a hospital. We didn’t have insurance. I mean, just amazing things. A car given to us outta the blue by a homeschool family, and that gave me a story. That gave me something to sing about. It gave me a testimony when I started full-time at 16 in music.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: It really did.
Jim: Unsung Hero was such a good testament to God’s faithfulness-
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: … in your family. And if folks have not seen it, they should get a copy.
Cubby: Mm.
Jim: I’m not sure how you do that nowadays. Is it DVD, or are you stream it, right?
Rebecca: No.
Cubby: I think it’s online.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: Are we up to streaming now?
Cubby: I think so. Yeah.
Jim: Okay, good. So stream it. Look for it. Unsung Hero, but they depicted it so well.
Rebecca: They did.
Jim: And your mom and dad. Okay. So here’s the thing. Cubby, I’ll turn your way.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: You’re both creative people. That right there is usually a red flag for a marriage.
Cubby: (laughs).
Jim: Two creative people-
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: … coming together.
Rebecca: Yes.
Cubby: Right.
Jim: I mean, speak to your creative bent, Cubby, where you were coming from.
Cubby: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Music was something you enjoyed. Uh, what was your background?
Cubby: Yeah.
Rebecca: He helped direct Unsung Hero too.
Jim: Yeah. That’s right.
Rebecca: I don’t know if you knew that.
Jim: Yeah.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: That was a bold move to get into the family and say-
Rebecca: Oh, yes.
Jim: “Let me help direct this.”
Cubby: Yes.
Jim: Man, that’s an in-law move. I didn’t try that in my marriage, but go ahead.
Cubby: Well, luckily I was invited in, so that was-
Jim: (laughs).
Cubby: … that was, that was good.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: That helps.
Cubby: Yes, it does. But yeah, grew up in a really creative family. My dad was a drummer, my mom was an artist. I grew up with some form of an art project or music, uh, rendition, uh, pretty much on, on a daily basis. My mom would spread out big rolls of butcher paper across the counter. And my sister and I would draw and paint and, and then my dad would have his drums set up in the garage, and I’d go out and mess around on those. And, and, uh, when I was about eight or nine, I, I discovered kind of music for myself. I stumbled across, uh, my parents’ old record collection. Happened to stumble across Rubber Soul, the Beat, the Beatles record, and was able to figure out the record player and put that on. And that kind of changed the trajectory of my life in regards to just a passion and love for music. And started playing guitar in junior high. And then in high school, um, I was in a band and we lost our bass player and said, “Hey, I’ll fill in until we find somebody new.” And, and little did I know I was the new guy and, and ended up falling in love with the bass at that point, and really became kind of the, the instrument that just really resonated with me as, as a person and just my… In my makeup, it just felt right on every level. And, and um, so yeah, that just kind of began the process of just a creative journey. And, um, thought I was headed towards LA after high school, but God had other plans and-
Jim: Yeah.
Cubby: … Ended up on the mission field for a little while.
Jim: So. Cool. And we’re gonna catch up with that. Yeah. And get more into it. But there’s at least one person out there going, “Cubby. Where’d you get the name, ‘Cubby?’”
Cubby: Yes.
Rebecca: Gets asked a lot.
Cubby: It is a common question. And, uh, the irony is a lot of people think it comes from my real name, which is Jacob. Jacob. Cubby. But the truth is, it came from birth. My dad thought I looked like a bear cub when I was born.
Jim: Oh. Because…
Cubby: I had a full head of hair and apparently came out growling.
Jim: You weren’t calling for salmon, I doubt, at that age. But you were like-
Cubby: Not quite, not quite.
Jim: … “Gimme salmon.”
Cubby: Right, right.
Jim: It’s not what you’re doing.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: Um, Rebecca, lemme go back to your story a bit just to paint the picture. During that time, in the movie, again, Unsung Hero, you kind of… you depicted that where you were not the one knocking down doors. I mean-
Rebecca: Right.
Jim: You, you sang somewhere and somebody heard you and went, “Wow, she’s really good.” And said something to your dad about it. Like, “She could be something big.”
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: Um, that’s really interesting. But when you got into it, I mean, you had some vocal strain, you had issues-
Rebecca: Down the track. Yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Speak to that. Um, you know, “Lord, I thought you called me into this and now I got all these physical things going on.”
Rebecca: Yeah. I mean, really the… You know, I talk about it in the book, but there was a form of losing my voice that came from stress. Um, it wasn’t anything physical. I’d done vocal training and all of that, but I think after nearly 20 years of music and starting so young, like starting at such a vulnerable age… You know, my first tour at 13 in Australia with Carman, and then full-time at 16, I think what I didn’t understand at that point that really every balanced adult human being needs to learn is how to guard your heart. Like the Bible talks about. “Guard your heart ’cause out of it flow the wellsprings of life.” And I didn’t know at that point how to make a call for healthy no’s. I think sometimes there’s healthy no’s and there’s healthy yeses. And I needed to protect my own heart. And so I, I was really burning out. And so my body was fighting back and saying, “Well, if you’re not going to kind of bring some more balance into the schedule, you know, I’m gonna shut down on you just out of stress.”
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: I think our bodies show these signs of warning, warning red light. You know, you gotta change some things and if you don’t listen, if you override that long enough, our bodies shut down on us.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: And that’s what was happening. So I was struggling to sing and to breathe… Kind of a form of a panic attack on stage, honestly.
Jim: Yeah. No, that’s amazing. You know, let me ask ’cause a general application, you know, someone doesn’t have to be in the music business-
Rebecca: No.
Jim: … To experience these things.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: But I think particularly… I’d say Jean, my wife, you know, early in her, uh, teen and twenty-somethings very much a people pleaser.
Rebecca: Me too.
Jim: And I was gonna ask that question, is that kind of common-
Rebecca: Oh yeah.
Jim: … In the industry. I mean, you’re trying to, uh, you know, get a gig and you gotta kind of, you know, make exceptions and do things.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And not do things you want to do in order to get the jobs you need.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: So I would think that would be part of it. Uh, crowd pleasing-
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: … If I could say it that way. It’s gotta be part of what, uh, kind of turns your crank, so to speak.
Rebecca: Yes, 100%.
Jim: ‘Cause you know, that’s just part of the makeup. You’re in front, you’re on stage. Cubby, you experienced that too in your band.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: Um, speak to that issue as a Christian then, you know, not living for that, but living for something different.
Rebecca: Absolutely.
Jim: And what is that something different?
Rebecca: Yeah. I, I think the people pleasing thing, you just hit the nail on the head. I, I, my personality type is more of a helper.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: And so, and, and I like to encourage and sow into people and serve and give. Like, Mother Teresa was my hero. Billy, Billy Graham.
Jim: Which is a good thing.
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. And, and I saw, you know, these heroes of faith that would just like serve and give and pour themselves out. And I was like, “That’s how I wanna be.” But what I didn’t see is the dark side of that. If you, if you pour yourself out too much without refilling, then you’re not going to be filled up enough to continue to give. And even as a mom, I’m learning that in a fresh way too. I wanna be the best version of myself for my kids. Like Danny and I are now, our show, Practice Makes Parent, we talk about that. We wanna… As parents, we wanna be the best version of ourselves for our kids. So what does that look like to where we are filling up so that we can be our best for them?
Jim: Hmm.
Rebecca: So I didn’t know how to do that in those years. I think I’m still learning in a different way now as a mom and I, but I think it’s a call to all of us. ‘Cause all of us are dealing with stress and anxiety in some level.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: You know, it plays out somewhere ’cause our lives are just crazy, right? In the modern world, the western world that we live in. So we have to know how to guard our hearts.
Jim: Yeah. For the, for the parents listening, I didn’t set that up. Your kids are how old? You want the test, Cubby, or you want me to have Rebecca answer that question?
Cubby: I think I can remember. So we’ve got ten, our oldest is ten, Gemma, and then Imogen, our middle is six, and then our youngest boy is four, and his name is River.
Jim: That’s great. I love that.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: So you guys are right in the thick of it.
Cubby: Yeah.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: It’s so good you’re doing podcast with Dr. Huerta-
Rebecca: Oh, I love it. I love it.
Jim: … On parenting and people could look that up on the website.
John: We’ll link over to it.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: Um, let me ask you this. In your book, Lasting Ever, uh, you talk about God seeing us and that desire for us to know and be known. And, uh, in that context, you point to Psalm 139. What’s the connection with Psalm 139?
Rebecca: It’s one of my favorite Psalms. Probably my, my favorite Psalm, actually. Even when I signed my autographs signed Psalm 139 a lot because it just, it says to every single one of us that belongs to Jesus, um, and every single one of his children, we… He searches us. He knows us. He sees every move. He, he is so for us and with us, and has seen us before we were born. And I just love that sense of like, God sees these parts of my heart that, that no one else sees and he loves me anyway.
Jim: (Laughs) He does.
Rebecca: And I wrote a song actually called “Psalm 139” on my, um, second album, my God album. It’s the hidden track. Do you remember when hidden tracks were kind of a thing?
Jim: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Rebecca: So it’s on that album and it just, it pretty much just says a, a good part of the psalm in, in the song. But I think even at that age, at 17, when I wrote that song, I needed to know that. That God sees me in those quiet places. I don’t need to be seen by all these thousands of people all around the world to feel affirmed. He sees me and loves me and receives me.
Jim: Yeah.
John: Uh, our guest today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly are Rebecca St. James and her husband, Cubby Fink. We’re talking about some of the story that, uh, makes up the fabric of their lives to this point. And, uh, it’s captured in their book Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family, And Being Found by True Love. Okay, true love. If I may, let’s fast forward to this season where you’re both kind of waiting for God to show you the spouse.
Rebecca: Mm.
John: And Rebecca, you’d been very clear about this, very public about it.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
John: And Cubby, I think you had some observations. You were committed in your heart, but observed some things in the Christian community. It was hard for both of you.
Cubby: Yeah.
John: Um, what carried you through that? Because I have kids that are in their thirties and thinking, “When?” Um, so there’s a commitment there to be made and a, a trust in God, but how do you walk that through?
Rebecca: It was a, a, a painful reality for me that I found myself in my early thirties living in LA unmarried, and really the whole dream of my life had been to be a wife and mom. Like, music was a tide-me-over until that, and yet it had not happened yet. And I’d been so public all around the world saying, you know, “Got this song, ‘Wait For Me’ about my future husband.” And honestly, I think even my vocal issues that I had in large part were, because when I would sing, “Wait For Me,” it was hope deferred making the heart sick. Like it’s… I struggled to even breathe through that song sometimes because it was so vulnerable. “What if this doesn’t happen? What if there is no guy?” And that dream of my heart, you know, what if it didn’t come true? And I remember being, you know, in my early thirties there in LA and just wrestling with God about it, and really Him calling me to this place of, even if this doesn’t happen, Lord, give me the strength to still trust you and trust your goodness and stay true to you, even if this dream doesn’t happen for me. And I remember coming to that place of surrender. I even have a song about it, um, called “I Can Trust You,” but it’s a painful surrender, right?
John: Yeah.
Rebecca: When we kinda lay down these, these big dreams of our heart. But it was soon after that that, that we met. And I do think that that was part of the place of freedom that God wanted to bring me. And maybe laying in some ways something down that could have been an idol.
John: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: Um, so there’s freedom in that.
John: Yeah, there’s, there’s a part of Paul’s, uh, verse in Philippians where he talked about being content in all things.
Rebecca: Yes.
John: Yeah. And maybe, maybe sometimes God wants us to be content right where we are, even though our heart yearns for something else.
Rebecca: Yes.
John: Yeah.
Cubby: Yeah. That’s, that’s actually been probably my favorite verse, um, through my journey with faith is Paul’s saying that “I’ve been content.” Found a way to be content in all things. Yeah. And, and I’ve, in my journey towards marriage and Rebecca, there was a point where, and I think it was, it was something I learned in a sermon, but essentially if you can’t be content unmarried, you’re never gonna be content married. If you can’t be content without money, you’re gonna never gonna be content with money. So all these things that we-
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Cubby: … Strive towards that we think are gonna make us happy or bring us fulfillment, if we can’t be content without them, when we actually get them, we’re not gonna be able to be content. ‘Cause it’s really finding contentment in our-
Rebecca: Yeah.
Cubby: … Where we are, where we are in our position with the Holy Spirit, in our sonship or daughtership, in our identity in Christ. That’s where we find contentment. It’s not in the physical things or in the marriage, but if we can be content here, we can bring that contentment into marriage.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubby: And it just makes it all the more fulfilling.
Jim: That’s a really… That’s the gold nugget of the program so far, is just that idea that be content where God has you. And I think when you can turn to Him, when you can smile, when you can be okay on the mountaintop or down in the valley, then He’s got your heart.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: And He knows it. And I think that’s what puts a smile on His face.
Cubby: Yeah.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: Because you are His-
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: … When you can be content in all things.
Cubby: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And, uh, if you’re not, it would, uh, indicate that you need a deeper relationship with the Lord. Let’s get to a lighter side. I want to turn the corner on your, uh, courtship, if I could call it that. So I was talking to Jean about this this morning. I’ll get your answer and I’ll tell you what she said. So you guys, I think you met and then, you know, it was kinda like, “When are we gonna get together?” And “Well, I’m heading to the airport. Do you wanna gimme a ride?”
Rebecca: (Laughs).
Jim: What happened in that moment? Cubby, this is not good. We’re going right to your Achilles heel.
Cubby: Oh, man. Yes. Yeah, there was, there was multiple points in our early dating saga that I thought I’d completely blown it. But, um-
Rebecca: (Laughs)
Jim: But that one specifically.
Cubby: That one specifically. So this was after the kind of our, kind of our first date.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubby: We met, and, and she had come to one of my shows in LA and we ended up kind of spending the evening after my show together and we played pool and-
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubby: … Got good food. And, and then somewhere along the lines she said, “Oh, I’ve, I’ve got an early flight tomorrow morning. I probably need to turn in.” And, and I volunteered to take her to the airport, which was-
Jim: That was very nice of you.
Rebecca: Very chivalrous.
Jim: Yes.
Rebecca: Yes, gentlemen.
Cubby: Very nice, but-
Jim: And what happened?
Cubby: … Not, not necessarily the, uh, the wisest offering of, of service ’cause I lived-
Rebecca: (Laughs) As it turned out.
Cubby: … I lived about 45 minutes to an hour from the airport. She lived about five minutes from the airport, so it made no sense at all.
Rebecca: I tried to shut it down, but he was like, “No, let me do it.”
Cubby: But, you know-
Jim: It was kind of nice. Yeah. Wow. Okay.
Rebecca: Yeah, very nice. I love a gentleman.
Cubby: I was absolutely set on making this commitment a reality. So I said, “No, I’m gonna do it.” I go home, I set my alarm to wake up to, uh, be able to get to her house on time, fall asleep. I’m dead tired, only to wake up to my alarm, to look at my clock and realize that I’d set my alarm for when I needed to be at her, at her front door, not when I needed to leave. So I immediately jump out of bed, rush down to my truck, and start flying down the freeway. And, uh, she eventually calls and say, “Hey, uh, I need to leave here pretty soon. Are you getting close?” And I was still quite a ways away and I said, “I’m coming, but I’m, I, I’m a bit away.” I said-
Jim: “Honk-honk, lots of traffic, lots of traffic. This is terrible.”
Cubby: Just hold tight. And, uh, eventually she got to the point where she’s like, “You know what, I’m, I’m gonna have to get a cab,” and my heart is sinking. And, uh, and I basically said, “Okay, if you have to get a cab, fine, but I’m still gonna come meet you at the airport.”
Jim: Bingo.
John: (Laughs).
Cubby: So-
Rebecca: He’s the one.
Jim: Okay. So it all worked out and you got to the curb and there she was.
Cubby: Yeah, well-
Jim: That was your saving grace, according to my wife. She said, “Oh man, if he had not done that, I don’t think I’d keep dating him.”
Rebecca: (Laughs).
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: (Laughs)
Rebecca: Wow, Jean.
Cubby: Well, I followed through at least to be able to see her. And the fun thing is when I pulled into the airport, a cab pulled right in front of me, and the silhouette in the window looked a little like hers. And I ended up calling her-
Jim: Oh, even better.
Cubby: … And I said, “Hey, I think I just pulled up right behind your cab.” And sure enough, she turned around and waved. And-
Rebecca: We had a moment.
Cubby: We definitely had a moment. I was able to help her get checked in.
Jim: Oh, that’s sweet.
Rebecca: He helped me check in and took my bags in.
Cubby: Yes.
Jim: So what’s-
Rebecca: And him fighting for me, I think that really did… Like to go that extra mile, literally, you know. I, I think-
Jim: He pursued you.
Rebecca: He pursued me.
Jim: I think it, was, like 45 miles if I heard the story right.
Cubby: (Laughs)
Rebecca: Yeah, I think so. But, but he did pursue me. And I think I had had guys in the past that were somewhat intimidated by my platform.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: And you know, what had happened already in my life at that point, and the no… notoriety of it and didn’t really pursue me that well, were just kind of insecure and kind of played it safe. And he did… He wasn’t playing it safe. He was going after me and my heart in this really impressive way. So I think it really did stand out to me.
John: So it was one of your better moments.
Cubby: In the end.
John: In the end, everything was great.
Cubby: It worked out.
Rebecca: (Laughs) Paid off.
Jim: A great decision. Let’s cover the proposal. Everybody loves that. So how did you do this, Cubby? I mean, what were you thinking?
Cubby: It was a bit of a, an undertaking. So, um, the funny thing is, whenever… I felt peace about buying the ring and moving towards engagement, I had this image of Rebecca and I in the snow on a moonlit evening, me getting down on a knee with candles surrounding this scene and, and me proposing. And that was kind of the scene I had in my head. She ended up inviting me to join her for Christmas in Nashville. So it was my first time doing a, a Smallbone family Christmas. And the thing about Nashville is it doesn’t snow very much.
Jim: Yeah, right.
Cubby: Hardly ever.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubby: Uh, maybe once or twice a year you’ll get a little dusting, but that’s about it.
Rebecca: And generally never on Christmas.
Cubby: Right.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Cubby: And so, um, I went out to Nashville about a week before Christmas and had a few things to do. One of those things was ask her dad for permission to marry his daughter.
Jim: Oh, so you had that planned.
Cubby: Had that planned. And, um, and then once I got the go-ahead from him, it was all guns blazing to get this plan kind of sorted. So I, I identified this spot. They’ve, they’ve got some acreage there at the family farm and identified a spot for the proposal and, and went to the store and bought a bunch of candles and set up a little Christmas tree with a fire ring and a log that we could sit on. And, um, and I’d kind of been checking the weather pretty religiously leading up to Christmas Eve because it was showing rain on Christmas Eve, which was a little devastating. And I was like, “Man, am I gonna have to go to plan B. If, if it’s raining and this is… None of this is gonna work.” And then about a day before Christmas Eve, the forecast changed from rain to snow. And sure enough, we all pile in the van to go to Christmas Eve service and it starts snowing. And by the time we get home, there’s a blanket of two or three inches on the ground.
Rebecca: Magic.
Jim: Perfect.
Cubby: And we have our Christmas Eve dinner and we watch a movie, and I ended up falling asleep.
Rebecca: Falling asleep in It’s A Wonderful Life. Right before he’s about to pro, propose to me. And let me say this. He did not know I was gonna say yes at that point, we had not said, “I love you,” to each other. We hadn’t talked marriage. We were nine months into dating. And I loved him. I knew I wanted him to be the one, but I didn’t know this was coming.
Jim: (Laughs).
Rebecca: So, yeah. You know? Right off and-
John: Well, that was even gutsier.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Cubby: There was, there was a lot riding on it.
Rebecca: I know.
Cubby: There was a lot riding on it.
Rebecca: But-
Cubby: But, uh, woke up from, from my little nap during the movie and everybody started going to bed and I said, “Hey, Rebecca, do you want to take a walk in the snow? It’s such a beautiful evening.” And sure enough, the moon had come out and just this beautiful moonlit-
Rebecca: Perfect. It was like a Hallmark movie.
Cubby: Yeah. It really was. So I, I ran up and got all the candles lit and the fire going and, and came back and had a little thermos of tea. And we made our way up the hill and eventually saw this glowing pathway to, uh, to the, to the scene. And-
Rebecca: And his vision worked out.
Cubby: Yeah.
Rebecca: Like what you had pictured-
Cubby: Yeah.
Rebecca: … Actually worked out.
Cubby: I know.
Rebecca: And I said, “Yes.”
Jim: Nobody slipped and nobody fell.
Rebecca: No.
Jim: Everything worked.
John: Did you even hesitate, Rebecca?
Jim: Yeah. Yeah. How did that hit you?
Rebecca: I was so in shock. I, I was, I was so in shock. Like all these presents that he, he had orchestrated. I had a, a frog in my apartment back in LA that said, “Waiting,” on the bench. And the frog was just sitting there, you know, waiting for his frog princess. And so he’d noticed that. So he found a little frog and put a little note around it that said, “Wait no more.” He’d written out a scroll of all these things he loved about me, and he said, “I love you,” at the end. And I thought, this is huge. But it wasn’t until he actually got the ring out that I was like, “This is happening. This is actually happening.” I just thought he was being super nice for Christmas. I mean, I was like, just… My mind was just going, “This is the moment that I’ve been waiting for my whole entire life.”
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: Um, and I said, “Yes.” I mean, it, it was like, this is it. But I, I was just like, “I’m in a movie right now. This is actually happening.”
John: Wow.
Rebecca: And so it was just glorious and amazing, and I’m so thankful that God brought me this prince of a man and that we get to live life together and that my dreams came true.
John: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: But it was a… It was amazing that pivot point of like, you see your whole future differently in those seconds. Your, your whole life changes.
Jim: Man, what a story. Everybody’s out there going, “Perfect. That was perfect. Way to go, Cubby.” And then we’re getting some elbows from some of the wives to the husband’s ribs. Like, “Why didn’t you do it that way?” But, uh, you know, Rebecca, what’s so impressive is, again, you and I talking over the years and knowing your heart and your desire-
Rebecca: Mm.
Jim: … To be married. I mean, you have this incredible successful music career and you’re going, “What I really want, Lord, is to be married and have children.”
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: That’s so beautiful. And what I’d love to do is keep our conversation going. I want to talk about purity.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Because I know both of you, that was important to you mm-hmm. Before you got married. Yes. That’s kind of a wobbly concept in the modern culture, the Christian culture. So let’s, uh, continue our discussion, uh, and folks can go and hear more about that. But it is so good to meet you Cubby and to hear your story. And what a great book. Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. I mean, that’s, that’s the love story.
Rebecca: Mm.
Jim: You did it. The Lord created it for you.
Rebecca: He was faithful. He’s been so good.
Jim: He was faithful.
Cubby: Yeah.
Jim: And I just want to encourage folks, if you’d like to, um, you know, think about maybe you’re going to get married or maybe you’ve been married just recently, or maybe you’ve been married a while. There are some wonderful, uh, things to learn from this great book from Rebecca and Cubby. So get a hold of us. If you can make a gift on a monthly basis, that’s great. Be part of the ministry. Let’s save marriages together. Let’s save babies’ lives. Let’s do all the work that is being done here on a monthly basis. And if you can do that, we’ll send you a copy of the book as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. A one-time gift helps as well.
John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, we’d love to hear from you. Our number is 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459. And then we’ve got details, uh, to donate and get a copy of this book, Lasting Ever, at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And, uh, as we referenced, uh, we’re gonna link over to the podcast that Rebecca and Dr. Danny Huerta host for us called Practice Makes Parent. It’s a great show, uh, updated Weekly, and uh, I know you’ll enjoy that. And then we have uh, another podcast series called Loving Well. We refresh that every year. And, uh, with Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s a great time to get some ideas and to, uh, talk about stories and how God has been part of your love story. So check out Loving Well. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.
Day Two:
John Fuller: Today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we’ll return to an important conversation about trusting God for your life and your dreams, especially when those dreams have been delayed.
Rebecca St. James: It was a, a, a painful reality for me that I found myself in my early thirties living in LA, unmarried, and really the whole dream of my life had been to be a wife and mom. Like music was a tide me over till that. And yet it had not happened yet. And I’d been so public all around the world saying, you know, got this song, “Wait For Me” about my future husband. And honestly, I think even my vocal issues that I had in large part were, because when I was sing, Wait For Me, it was hope deferred, making the heart sick. Like it’s, I struggled to even breathe through that song sometimes because it was so vulnerable. What if this doesn’t happen? What if there is no guy?
John: That’s Rebecca St. James describing a painful crossroads moment in her life. And thankfully, and we heard last time God did fulfill her dream to become a wife and a mom. And Rebecca’s back with us today, along with her husband Cubby, to share more about their journey. I’m John Fuller, and your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly.
Jim Daly: John, we had a delightful conversation last time with Rebecca and Cubby learning about their childhood experiences and the extraordinary talent each of them showed early as musicians. Uh, both of them were also committed to ministry and as they shared with us, uh, they faced some challenges along the way. It can be difficult for Christians in the public arena, in the public eye to live out their faith authentically, especially when everyone can see that your life isn’t perfect and that you have struggles just like everyone else. But as you said, John, God is faithful. And that certainly was evident in the love story that Rebecca and Cubby shared with us last time. And if you miss, uh, the first part of our conversation, contact us to get an audio copy or check out the previous episode on YouTube. Or better yet, just download the Focus on the Family app so you can listen to all the content when you want.
John: Yeah. And, uh, Rebecca and Cubby’s story can be found in the book that they wrote together called Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. And you can learn more about our guests and that book at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Rebecca, welcome back once again. Cubby-
Rebecca: Thank you.
Jim: … great to have you here.
Cubby Fink: Great to be here. Thanks for having us.
Jim: Now, you were both committed to that concept of purity, which is great. Um, you know, young couples, uh, that often can trip them up. And in fact, I think you were part of True Love Waits, if I remember correctly.
Rebecca: I was. 100% yes.
Jim: So, you know, that is a, a great goal. It’s a very difficult one.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: You know, you’re attracted, you’re going to get married. And I think in the Christian context particularly, we need to stay committed to that. Jean and I did that.
Rebecca: Right.
Jim: But to stay committed to one another and not put one another at risk-
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … physically.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And, you know, some people might even say, “Well, that sounds quaint, but is it possible?” The answer is yes.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: It just takes discipline.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: And it really is putting God first-
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: … before you say I do,
Rebecca: What we talk about in the book is it’s practicing faithfulness. So when you jump into marriage together, you as a Christian couple are jumping off this cliff of faith in God and each other. And I feel like when you’ve practiced faithfulness to each other before marriage, there’s a, a beautiful sense of trust that is there. Oh, you have shown me integrity and faithfulness before marriage and the trust for us, and we can only really speak for our own experience, but I feel was deeper because we had practiced that faithfulness. And in essence, I think the purity movement… And I know some people unfortunately had a difficult experience with that, and maybe they were going through, uh, an experience of legalism. Maybe it was taken in their church to a, a certain degree that wasn’t super healthy. But I think in the, in the most lovely sense of it, purity is holiness, which we’re called to all of us as Christians.
Jim: Right. It’s not legal-
Rebecca: And as grace.
Jim: It’s not the legalistic application.
Rebecca: No, no.
Jim: It’s doing it because of your love for God.
Rebecca: 100%.
Jim: And He, I think, warns us and protects us-
Rebecca: 100%.
Jim: … from that. And so many, you know, again, so many couples that are in the courtship phase might say, “Well, we’re gonna get married anyway, so why wait?” And then they don’t.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: You know, something happens.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: And that happens to many Christian couples too. So it’s just a good thing to to lay the foundation properly-
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: … for your relationship.
Cubbie: Yeah.
Jim: Even though it’s very hard, it’s very difficult, but you can do it.
Rebecca: It’s worth it.
Jim: It’s worth it.
Rebecca: And I think one of the things, you know, whenever I would talk about purity, my goal was to always talk about grace. Because I think that is also very needed. All of us make mistakes, all of us sin. We don’t get it right. And we need to know that the forgiveness of God is there and that we can start anew today. Yeah.
Jim: Yeah. And that’s so true. And that, you know, that’s something again, uh, you know, I wobbled in high school, so I don’t want to give that impression that I did it perfectly. But with Jean and I, man, we were committed to getting there and doing the right thing. Cubby, let me ask you this, because we talked a bit yesterday about the, uh, idea of God knowing us, being known by Him. You have a skydiving example, which I thought was really good about how you need to trust God, to trust specifically that He holds onto us. Now, that’s obvious with skydiving. (Laughs). But-
Cubbie: Right.
Jim: … what’s the analogy?
Cubbie: Yeah, it’s, um, it’s something that, that we were kind of exploring in this book, just even along these lines of, of purity and, and… ’cause oftentimes when a Christian or even a non-believer hears the, the rules associated with Christianity, they can look at them as restraints. But like you said, they’re not necessarily restraints. They’re, they’re for our protection. They’re for, they’re loving protection for us, for the betterment of, of our lives and our marriages and all those things. So in skydiving, I, I’ve had a couple of experiences doing that. My first experience was actually a solo jump. And in order to jump by yourself for the first time out of an airplane, you have to go through a pretty rigorous training session. It was about-
Jim: Yeah. Normally you go with a person-
Cubbie: Right.
Jim: … on that first jump, but-
Cubbie: Correct.
Rebecca: Not Cubby.
Cubbie: … you did, did it the other way.
Rebecca: Not, not my husband.
Cubbie: Yeah.
Rebecca: (Laughs). A risk-taker.
Jim: Troy, my son’s done it a couple of times, but he went with somebody, you know, attached to him.
Cubbie: Right, right. Which I’ve done that as well. But, but I, I was kind of bent on wanting to get my license, and this was the first step in getting my license. So went through this 7, 7, 8 hour training course and basically just walking you through the process of surviving, jumping out of an airplane. But a lot of it-
Jim: That’s a good instruction book.
Rebecca: (Laughs).
Cubbie: Yeah. It’s a good thing to learn before you jump. But a lot of it was focused on the mechanics of the parachute and how you strap yourself in, and all the buckles and straps and everything to get you basically one with that parachute. And again, those are restraints, but restraints that I would not even think about taking off when I opened that door, when it came time to jumping outta that airplane.
Jim: Oh, that’s good.
Cubbie: And, and in a similar way, God’s, quote unquote, “restraints” or kind of these ideas that he’s laid out for us are there for our protection.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubbie: They’re, they’re the things that help us survive the jump. And in dating, you know, it could easily be looked at as, as a restraint to not do what the world does, but ultimately it protected us and laid that foundation of trust. And so much of a loving marriage is based on a foundation of, of trust. And that trust is built through faithfulness, like, like Rebecca said. So it’s, it’s basically becoming one with the things that God has called us to becoming one with God in the process of preparing for marriage. That, that-
Rebecca: Love that.
Jim: Yeah. You know, in that context, what you’re describing is wisdom.
Cubbie: Mm-hmm.
Jim: I mean, in wisdom, I think now that I’m older, much older, I mean, there is greater wisdom with life experience. And the benefit is when you’re in your twenties and you have enough wisdom to make these good Biblical choices. Man, it sets you up in such a-
Rebecca: It does
Jim: … blessed way.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And that’s what we’re talking about. It’s not a constraint. It’s a boundary to make you healthy, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and, uh, what a great way to look at that. But that is the problem. What age do you really embrace Biblical wisdom for your own benefit?
Rebecca: Hopefully, from a really young age.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: And I think us now as parents, this is what we’re trying to speak to our kids about, like the why of it. Like when we give you boundaries or, you know, kind of rules for living, um, that we are encouraging you to follow. It’s for your good.
Cubbie: Yeah.
Rebecca: And, and God’s speaking that same thing to us.
Jim: Absolutely. He’s a Father, right?
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: He’s our Father.
Rebecca: Loving Father.
Cubbie: Loving Father.
Jim: Um, when you first got married. And one of the big themes is the winter seasons, the spring season, summer seasons of life. And I love that context. There are rhythms that God puts into place that we can see in His nature.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: As Paul says, right? Translate that into our own lives.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: So you speak about that in the book, and specifically, Cubby, you were in a great place with your career. I think Foster the People, the band you were with-
Cubbie: Mm-hmm.
Jim: … was going well. And Rebecca, you were excited to be that wife and mom.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And it was happening. But then, uh, describe going into what you said was that winter season.
Rebecca: It was a really rough, um, time in our lives. So I was dealing with infertility when we kind of launched into that winter season, uh, secondary infertility ’cause we had our daughter, and I’d gotten pregnant so fast with her, and I thought, “I’m in the clear, you know, my mom had seven kids and no miscarriages. I’m, I’m good.” And then I wasn’t. And I miscarried twice in that time. And then at the same time, things changed with Cub’s band. Um, there was some betrayal of friends involved there for him. He had to part ways with the band, and that wasn’t a choice of his. And it felt unjust at the time. So we were just in this time of like, “How do we even get our head around the curveballs?” And I was also dealing with burnout, I think from music. You know, I still loved Jesus, believed in everything I’d said all those years, nearly 20 years of ministry.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: But I just was like a skeleton. I mean, I had, I just feel like emotionally, mentally, and in some ways spiritually, I was just so depleted ’cause I’d been… I was like a, an an anorexic in a way, still functioning, but just no, nothing left on my bones.
Cubbie: Spiritual anorexic.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spiritual, emotional-
Cubbie: Yeah.
Rebecca: … mental, all of it. Just so, so skin and bones. And I think that time was a time of us being tested, that winter season, clinging to Jesus and just going, “God, we are… Help us to trust in your goodness and faithfulness, and that somehow you can resolve and redeem this really hard time in our lives.”
Jim: Rebecca, speak to that moment. I mean, that had to be a, a real challenge.
Rebecca: Huge.
Jim: And I don’t want to brush over the miscarriages. Many people listening as couples have experienced that more than I think we even realized.
Rebecca: 100%.
Jim: Jean and I did not have that experience. But you and Dena did.
John: We did. Yeah.
Jim: And many couples do have that. So here you were saving yourself for marriage, saying, Lord, “I would much rather be married and have children than have this music career.” And then this happens twice. Um, that had to be so confounding-
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: … and such a low place for you.
Rebecca: Very.
Jim: Wow.
Rebecca: Yeah. Well, my, my, my dreams of family were… You know, I’d come from a family of seven. So just having one child was in my head, not an option. But then my, my body won’t work anymore. It won’t do what I feel like it’s built to do. Like my feminine core is desperately hurting. His masculine core is, is in a place of desperation and great pain. I mean, we struggled to encourage each other even authentically during that time. Like, what do you even say to each other when you’re in that kind of agony? Um, it was really, really challenging.
Cubbie: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Cubby, I mean, for the rest of us, men or husbands, what, what, did you find a way to help Rebecca emotionally and spiritually? Or did you just hunker down and get through those early situations?
Cubbie: It was a little of both. Um, I think remaining faithful to the Lord in the midst of it was, was key to both of us, despite the challenges. And I think probably the, the biggest challenge for me in that season, outside of the obvious was, uh, was it being marked by silence. It was a silence that I had never experienced before ’cause the Lord had been very vocal with me up until that point. Pretty much at every turning point in a crossroads the Lord was exponentially clear on which way I was meant to go and what I was meant to do. And, and I had kind of seen this progression through my life. And then suddenly I found myself in the biggest turning point in crossroads of my life. And I was met with just utter silence from the Lord. I was desperately crying out, “Lord, what’s next? What do you want me to do? Where’s the plow? What can I put my hand to And, and start working again?” And it was just silence. And I think that hurt more than anything. Um, just feeling like I was alone in it. But even in the midst of the silence, I knew there was purpose in it. And I remained committed to continuing to seek God regardless of feeling like I was not getting anything, return in return. And I think making that a continued foundation is what carried us through. And even though we had very little to offer each other, there was still enough to offer and, and enough to connect. And Rebecca speaks about the sixth love language being curiosity and, and me just continuing to, to try and pursue her heart in the midst of that pain and, and connect with her-
Jim: Yeah.
Cubbie: … um, was ultimately what carried us through. But it was, it was tough, but just knowing that, that God was working even the, in the midst of the hard.
Rebecca: Even when we couldn’t see it.
Jim: Well, and that’s true. I mean, the loss of the band and then the loss of children and your heart’s desire. But you said something, I really, I, I want you to relate this to the folks that are listening that are maybe in that same spot, like right now. And you can fill in the blank with the circumstances. It may not be that you’re in a band and you lose the friendship and the position with the band, or you lose two children to miscarriage. But whatever that might be, you said this, that you made the decision to stick with God.
Cubbie: Yeah.
Jim: There are people, and I know many in that moment, that is the, the fork in the road-
Cubbie: Yeah.
Jim: … spiritually in the depths of their heart. They’re saying, “I, I feel like the Lord is not blessing me. And if that’s the case, I’m no longer gonna follow Him.” I mean, that is a transaction that goes on in people’s heads, but you said chose to follow Him even though it seemed like those blessings were evaporating. Just speak to that person, both of you, who is maybe going through something difficult who doesn’t feel God’s closeness any longer.
Cubbie: Mm-hmm. I think standing on the truth of Scripture in those moments, even when it doesn’t feel like it’s resonating in those moments, ultimately the Scripture says that God’s plans for us are for good, not for harm.
Rebecca: Mm.
Cubbie: Even when we’re walking through the not-so-good, knowing that His plans for us are good, can get us through.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubbie: Um, and, and continuing to believe that and choose that. And, and I think the other half of it is, I think a lot of people walking through hard times, or a crisis of faith or whatever it might be, might have a tendency to blame God for man’s shortcomings.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubbie: And I think remembering that God has no desire to harm us. He has no desire to see us hurt.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Right.
Cubbie: He hates to see His children hurt.
Rebecca: Grieves with us.
Cubbie: He grieves with us, and His plans, like I said, are for our good.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Cubbie: And so remembering that it’s not God bringing on this hard situation or or causing this pain in your life, but He’s using the hard situation to grow you in ways that you would not grow without the challenges. I think it’s really through those hard times that we grow the most, that we experience the most self-understanding-
Jim: Mm.
Cubbie: … and, and God reveals things in us and grows us, things in us, that, that literally cannot be grown during the good times.
Jim: Yep.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm. In the winter season.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: And it’s what is happening in the actual physical winter too. And I, you know, I I think back to a movie that when I was doing some acting in LA, which was around the time Cub and I met, I did a film called Sarah’s Choice. And it was a, a pro-life movie. And there was a mentor in that movie that was encouraging the, the male lead in, in the film, in this one scene to in essence, be a man and marry my character ’cause I was the female lead, this unmarried pregnant girl. And, um, which is so ironic because, you know, I’m playing this, this unmarried pregnant girl in this film, but he was just saying, “Marry her, be honorable. Show this character, rise up as a man and get to the great stuff.” He was saying a lot of times people give up in relationships or in marriage and they don’t get to the great. Like, you’ve gotta kind of get through the fire and, you know, through some of these challenging times in your life to get to the great stuff. And that’s in faith, that’s in relationships, that’s in just so much of life. Hold on for the great. God’s got great on the other side of this winter season.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Yeah.
John: Yeah. I love that. And, uh, this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, that’s Rebecca St. James. And she and her husband, Cubby Fink are here, uh, sharing from their hearts as you can hear. And, uh, their stories, uh, coming out of winter is really, uh, apropos. I think so many of us are waiting for a breakthrough. I wanna encourage you to get a copy of the book that Rebecca and Cubby have written called Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. Lot of encouragement here. Uh, get a copy from us here at the Ministry. We’ve got the link at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Let’s move to the summer or the spring. (Laughs).
Rebecca: The spring, yeah.
Jim: This idea that, you know, when you stay committed to the, to the Lord and to each other that there is spring.
Rebecca: Mm.
Jim: I mean, I would say that pretty boldly.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Jim: ‘Cause I think we’ve all experienced that.
Rebecca: Yeah. Me too.
Jim: It’s not that you stay in winter forever.
Rebecca: No.
Jim: But for that person that is in that spot, I, I think what I wanna make sure we communicate is hope.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: You know, that there is hope. And in that regard, um, you begin to see things turn.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: Uh, you know, you did get pregnant, you did have three children now, obviously.
Rebecca: Yes.
Jim: Your career with music, your voice, you recovered from those things. Those are all those milestones.
Rebecca: Mm-hmm.
Jim: And Cubby, you got into directing and, you know, with the movie and other things that you’re doing. So there became kind of a runway for you to feel the ox, the spiritual oxygen from the Lord. Describe it.
Rebecca: Yeah. There was a moment, so I, I was kind of quietly retired from music in this winter season, but I had a offer come in for an event in Alaska. And my, my brothers were also a part of it. So the entire small band clan was there. Us with our little three-year-old daughter, Gemma, and still in this winter season. And during worship in Alaska, I encountered the Holy Spirit in this most life-changing, most instantaneously life-changing moment of my life. And the Holy Spirit fell in just an extraordinary way in my heart. And the audience was crying. I was crying. It was just a really profound experience with Him. And I left that stage a different person. Like, I knew spring had come to my heart. I saw my past differently. I saw my future with hope. I, I sensed that God had called me back to music in that moment. And immediately after that spring came to my heart, I did fall pregnant with our second daughter. Um, and then now we have a son too. And God has restored so much, but it was, it was almost like that internal reality had changed. My heart had encountered Spring. He had done a new work here, and then I started seeing the thawing on the outside.
Cubbie: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Yeah. That is so good.
Cubbie: Mm.
Jim: Did you, did you talk about that together, like those drops of oxygen, those spiritual drops of oxygen? Did you start recognizing them as a couple?
Cubbie: I mean, we really did because there was, that, that week up in Alaska was pretty remarkable for both of us, and definitely a turning point. And, um, and, and for me, it was the moment that the silence was broken, that God started speaking. And there’s a verse that talks about men perishing without vision. And it was almost like I was dying on the vine without knowing where to look or what to do. And suddenly God breathed this life of inspiration again. And it, I just filled me with purpose and passion and excitement for the future. But when that silence was broken, I really heard the word running, which initially didn’t make a lot of sense. But in that winter season, I think a big part of my practical nature was rising up and just saying, “I wanna do something that makes sense.” Because I had spent so much time in the arts world and in the arts world, A plus B very rarely equals C.
Jim: (Laughs). Right.
Cubbie: And I just wanted something that made sense. And so there was a lot of pursuing things outside of what may have been my giftings. And, and so when I heard this word running from the Lord, it was like, “Well, what does that necessarily mean?” And, and when I sat with it and prayed through, it was very clear that God was saying, “I’m running from, or you are running from the thing I created you to do. I want you to lean back into, you know, the film and the music and, and things like that.” And, and with, with the acceptance of that word came just that inspiration and life and vision and purpose again.
Jim: And peace.
Cubbie: And peace and an overwhelming amount of peace. And it was so fun for us to be able to basically take a step back and talk about all the work that had had gone on over the course of these few days of God work-
Rebecca: Separately.
Jim: Yeah.
Cubbie: Yeah. Separately. Like this was going on in her internally, me internally.
Rebecca: We hadn’t talked about it.
Jim: Yeah.
Cubbie: We hadn’t talked about it.
Rebecca: And it was my 40th birthday right after that Alaska, you know, event.
Cubbie: Mm-hmm.
Rebecca: We went to my 40th birthday and we were walking on the beach and talking about what God had been doing in both of our lives separately.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: It was amazing. It was a miracle.
Cubbie: And I think one of the most beautiful things about that, and something that I think may offer a bit of hope, I think oftentimes we look for the tangible thing to bring us out of the hard seasons.
Rebecca: Mm.
Cubbie: For both of us, there was no tangible evidence that we were leaving this winter season. It was literally a spring that was birthing in our hearts because of the moving of the Holy Spirit, because of the way God was speaking to us. It’s not like she was pregnant. It’s not like a job landed in my lap. It’s not like we had this thing that we-
Rebecca: To count on.
Cubbie: … could hold, that we could count on to bring us out. It was no… Spring was dawning in our heart because the Holy Spirit was moving and speaking, and then the physical stuff followed. There were jobs, she did fall pregnant, but the dawn really, really began to show itself because of what was happening eternally and, and-
Jim: The early spark.
Cubbie: The Holy Spirit moving… Yeah.
Rebecca: The goodness of God.
Jim: Mm.
Rebecca: Yeah.
John: I’m really, I’m really curious about your perspective. Um, when we were in our early forties, I had an opportunity and I really sought God on it. And I thought, “Oh, I want this. Do you want this?” Uh, just address this matter of waiting for God, but also you have to do some things in life. You can’t just stop and and wait passively. So where’s the balance there?
Rebecca: I think you’re hitting on something that, that, John, that is so key to our culture today. And I think we have bored into this idea that feelings have to rule, (laughs). And that if we’re not feeling it, then probably it’s not right. And, and you just hit the nail on the head with the idea that sometimes we just have to choose the right honoring thing, even if our feelings are going, this hurts and this is sacrificial and this is hard. Sometimes we just have to choose the marriage, even when it’s, you know, challenging. Sometimes we have to choose to serve our kids sacrificially, even when that’s hard. Sometimes we have to choose faith because we know it’s the substance of things hoped for. It’s not necessarily that every, my life is turning out exactly perfect like I planned it or what, like I thought it should be. Sometimes we just have to, to take the next right step that is honoring to God. But our feelings are sometimes gonna be internally going, “Oh, this is hurting. Does it need to really hurt this much? Is it, is it wrong because I’m hurting so much?” But sometimes the right thing… I mean, think of Jesus at the cross.
Jim: Yeah.
Rebecca: The right, the most right thing that has ever happened in history that changed the entire landscape of, of the world and history was the hardest thing Jesus ever had to do, but it was the most right thing.
Jim: That’s a profound comment, uh, from Rebecca St. James, who along with her husband, Cubby Fink, uh, have been our guest these past two days. And we certainly recommend you get a copy of their book, Lasting Ever: Faith, Music, Family, and Being Found by True Love. It’s a good read and very encouraging about what it means to live by faith and trust God, uh, even when your circumstances don’t seem to be working out the way you plan them to go. And I think you’ll find it very helpful for your faith journey. And we can send you a copy when you make a monthly pledge of any amount to Focus on the Family today. And we really need ongoing support from people like you who want to help, uh, equip Christian marriages and families to be a strong witness for Christ in today’s culture. A monthly pledge is a great way for you to partner with us in ministry, providing the, the fuel that we need to build a biblical foundation for families and single adults to live on.
John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, we’re looking forward to, um, you sharing whatever you can with us, either a monthly pledge or a one-time contribution. Every little bit helps. So please call today, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Or you can donate and request a copy of the book, Lasting Ever at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. We also have information for you online about our Loving Well podcast series. It’s just in time for Valentine’s Day, new Season eight, uh, has episodes to provide you with heartwarming love stories and practical help for your marriage. Check it out. It’s The Loving Well Podcast, hosted by marriage experts and colleagues, Greg and Erin Smalley. Coming up tomorrow, Pastor Ted Cunningham, how you can have more influence when you speak less.
Pastor Ted Cunningham: So when we get this, here’s what restraint does for us. And I wanna encourage you, save your energy and influence for what matters most. Save your words, save your voice for what matters most.