ANSWER:
Before answering your question in detail, it’s important to clarify our overall perspective.
Here at Focus on the Family we believe the institution of marriage is a sacred covenant designed by God to model the love of Christ for His people. God intends marriage to be a thriving, lifelong relationship between a man and a woman enduring through trials, sickness, financial crises, and emotional stress.
That’s why we’re dedicated to doing everything we can to strengthen good marriages and bring healing and restoration to struggling marriages. A large part of our ministry is devoted to preserving marriage, so we strongly oppose divorce as an “easy” way to solve marital discord.
Focus on the Family’s position on divorce and remarriage
Several biblical passages have played an important role in shaping our thoughts about marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
In general, as Bible-believing Christians, we take the view that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Rather, He wants to bring healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation to broken marital relationships. Nevertheless, we believe there are three situations in which the Scriptures make allowance for divorce and remarriage:
- When the first marriage and divorce occurred before salvation. Although an individual cannot undo all the sins he or she has committed, he or she begins a new life upon accepting Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- When one’s mate is guilty of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9). However, we should emphasize that when there is genuine repentance and recommitment on the part of the unfaithful spouse, we encourage restoration where possible.
- When one of the mates is an unbeliever and willfully and permanently abandons the believing partner. This doesn’t refer to a temporary departure but to an abandonment intended to be permanent (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).
It’s not possible here to address every variation of circumstance in the three instances noted above. That’s why we encourage anyone facing these situations to discuss them with their pastor and also a Christian counselor.
A deeper understanding of the Christian view of marriage and divorce
Here are some other topic-based biblical references that offer a deeper understanding of the Christian view of marriage and divorce:
- Marriage: Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6, Romans 7:1-3, 1 Corinthians 7:1-40
- Divorce: Malachi 2:13-16, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 1 Corinthians 7:27, Matthew 19:3-9, Colossians 3:12-14
- Sexual activity outside of marriage: Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28, 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, Hebrews 13:4
- Biblical roles of husbands and wives: Ephesians 5:21-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7
How Christians should respond to those facing divorce
With all these things in mind, it’s important to add the caution that we must not become so caught up in assigning accountability for the circumstances of a divorce that we fail to have compassion for the individuals involved.
They need our friendship and understanding regardless of what has led to the breakdown of their marriage. To treat them as “lepers” or second-class citizens is cruel and insensitive — and it breaks Christ’s commandment to love one another as He has loved us.
We should never inflict greater pain on those who are already wounded. Instead, we are called to be agents of healing in their lives.
A note about abuse and divorce
When it comes to the question of abuse and divorce, the Bible doesn’t address it specifically. However, we believe that this type of severe and ongoing mistreatment is never God’s intent for marriage.
In such situations, we urge the victim to seek safety, adopt a zero-tolerance policy toward the abuse, and consult with their pastor and also a Christian counselor to determine next steps. Visit our “Help for Abusive Relationships” page to find resources for a path to safety.
We’re here to help
If your marriage is hurting or if you have more questions about this topic, please call and speak with one of our staff counselors. They’d be glad to help you in any way they can.
