I worry about the gender confusion in today’s culture. Men and women have obvious physical distinctions. And I believe people should affirm the other essential and unique differences between male and female. But I don’t know how to respond when friends on the other side of this issue challenge me to identify and describe those specific characteristics.
ANSWER:
NOTE: This Q&A offers a basic overview of a deep topic. For a more in-depth discussion, we encourage you to check out the resources and articles listed at the end of the main content.
The distinction between male and female reflects real and deeply rooted aspects of human nature and physiology. What’s more, it’s fundamental to the biblical view of mankind.
Does the Bible say that men and women are different?
In the very first chapter of Genesis, we are told that “God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27; emphasis added).
In other words, the distinction between the sexes is basic to human nature and uniquely reflects the divine. In a way we can’t fully understand, the difference gives us a visible image of the unseen triune Creator.
So, yes: The Bible does underscore the importance of men and women being different. Also, Scripture does represent the male-female dichotomy as being fundamental to human nature.
However, the Bible does not give a point-by-point description of what it means to be male or female. And it does not tell us exactly how these distinctions should play out in many of the details of everyday life.
For that, we have to observe God’s design in creation. And whatever differences between men and women we see must be creation-based, not culturally determined. Also, they must be internationally, interculturally, and historically consistent and valid. In other words, they must be humanly universal.
Key differences between males and females
In the first two chapters of Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, author Glenn Stanton identifies distinctive traits that characterize men and women. His thoughts, summarized below, offer a basic understanding of essential maleness and femaleness. (Keep in mind that these lists aren’t exhaustive because each person is unique.)
A male’s orientation toward life tends to be outward
Men can be described in the following common characteristics:
- Explorative. Every male is on a quest. He discovers his identity out in the world where he senses that his larger purpose and destiny lie.
- Determined to “deliver the goods.” A man values knowing that he has what it takes to complete the quest and accomplish his tasks.
- Needs to know what’s next. Unlike a woman, a man isn’t inclined to cuddle, to savor meaningful experiences, or to linger in the moment. He’s generally eager to move on to the next thing.
- Opportunistic. The male is a doer. His feelings about what he’s doing or his reasons for doing it are less important to him than the urge and the opportunity to get it done.
- Takes chances. Boys and men must take chances to make the most of their opportunities. So males typically run a certain degree of risk.
- Initiator. All the previous points assume a male’s willingness and ability to “make things happen.” Leadership is not necessarily an exclusively male privilege. Nevertheless, it is more deeply rooted in men and boys than in women.
- Active and aggressive. Males are naturally inclined to be physically active. And the amygdala (the part of the brain that registers threat and aggression responses) is larger in males.
- Competitive and dominant. Men want the best and often spend incredible energy to achieve their goals.
A woman’s perspective tends to be inwardly directed
Some of the most common characteristics of women include the following:
- “Confidently enticing.” While the male goes out into the world to find his destiny, the woman possesses her future within herself. She has a hidden but deep confidence in this.
- Values intimacy above action. A woman cares more about being than doing, and she finds the reason for her being in relationships.
- Wisely (selectively) receptive. Although a woman values relationships more than anything else, she doesn’t engage carelessly. She chooses slowly and receives wisely.
- Seeks security. A female puts a premium on safety and security because her orientation is inward — toward relationships, nurturing, and nesting. She values qualities like dependability and trustworthiness in a potential mate.
- Prefers modesty. A confident woman understands she has something valuable — her femininity — and she has an innate desire to protect it. Modesty is fundamental to her nature.
- Caring. The female is more naturally inclined to respond with immediate compassion and care to those who are hurting or in need.
- Uses words. Men talk to communicate information or ideas. However, women talk to communicate feelings and thoughts. As a result, women tend to use more words than men.
- Desires equity and submission. At a deep and fundamental level, she wants to be led, protected, and cared for.
- Wields “soft power” that shapes humanity. Women can have great and subtle influence in marriage and domestic relationships.
- Connecting. The female is wired to connect with others on various levels.
Want to talk more?
If you’d like to discuss these ideas at greater length, call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). In the meantime, you can dig into the resources and articles below.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
What’s the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible
Embracing the Unique Aspects of Male and Female
Balancing Gender Differences in Your Marriage
Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences
Referrals
Articles
Scientific Support for Gender Distinctions
God Designed Men and Women to Be Different in Many Ways
Understanding How Men and Women Are Different in Marriage
Male and Female: Why It Matters in the Culture and Public Policy
Created in God’s Image As Male and Female
Male and Female Biology Matters
A Perfect Reflection of God: Masculinity and Femininity
Equipping Parents to Respond to Gender-Confusing Messages in Schools