Your son’s attitude isn’t unusual. There was a time when most college-bound students seemed willing to do whatever it took to get their degrees, whether that meant going part-time or full-time, earning scholarships, taking out loans, or working their way through. Nowadays the prevailing philosophy seems to be that there’s “no way” to get to college unless Mom and Dad pay for it. What’s more, many kids seem to assume that they’ll be going away to college. This usually means higher costs, thanks to out-of-state tuition or private college fees.
Don’t fall prey to this kind of pressure. If your son is headed for college, you are not obligated to pay. You may choose to pay, or to help pay, but that’s a decision you must prayerfully make. Keep in mind that there are ways to get a college education without any assistance from parents. This may not be the experience your teenager is hoping for, and it may take longer. But it’s still possible.
If you do decide to contribute to your son’s educational expenses, give the following considerations some thought before plunging ahead:
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- Make sure that this is about promoting your son’s best interests, not your own. Don’t try to make up for the education you didn’t get. Don’t turn your teen into a family trophy.
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- Realize that the academic world isn’t necessarily the best place for everyone. Encourage your son to pursue interests that fit his skills and capabilities and that will benefit him most in the long run.
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- Don’t use your money to control your collegian’s life. Don’t say, “I’m paying your tuition, so be sure to call Mom every week,” or “Not another penny for school until you break up with your non-Christian girlfriend!” In other words, examine your motives very carefully. Are you trying to buy your son’s affection? Are you seeking to manipulate his behavior? These are important questions to ask yourself.
Once you know what you want to do and why you want to do it, we suggest you move forward by implementing the simple plan outlined below:
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- First, determine ahead of time how much money, if any, you can afford to put toward a college education. “We’ll pay for college” is too vague. What if your son decides he wants to attend Oxford University? Instead of leaving things open-ended, set a specific dollar amount for each year. That way everyone will be on the same page.
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- Next, create a “Mom and Pop Scholarship Fund” that will cover a defined amount per semester for a certain number of semesters. If your son picks a college that costs less per semester than the plan provides, you can figure where to allot the balance of the money (laptop, grad school, summer mission trip, etc.). If the chosen college costs more than the scholarship amount, it’s up to him to come up with the difference some other way.
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- Operate your “Mom and Pop Scholarship Fund” like a real one. While such funds might not have “strings” attached, they often require that students maintain certain standards, such as working toward a degree and maintaining a sufficient grade point average.
- At the end of the predetermined number of semesters, your “Mom and Pop Scholarship Fund” expires. If you choose to offer additional assistance, that’s up to you. But it’s not a requirement for the admission to the “Good Parent Club.”
If you think it might be helpful to discuss these suggestions at greater length, call us. Our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone for a free consultation. They’ll be happy to assist you in any way they can.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
Losing Control & Liking It: How to Set Your Teen (and Yourself) Free
The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness
Family and Personal Finances (resource list)
Other books on Money and Finance
Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children
Referrals
Debt-Proof Living
Articles
Money and Finances
