This is a difficult decision. You’re anxious to protect your children from fear and pain. At the same time, you want to honor your grandmother’s wishes.
On the whole, we take the view that death is part of life. With appropriate preparation, it would be probably be a good idea to allow your children to say goodbye to their great-grandmother. This is especially true if they’ve enjoyed a relationship with her in the past.
Be honest with the kids about what’s happening. Use age-appropriate language to let them know that great-grandma is very, very sick. Tell them that people sometimes get so sick that their bodies don’t work right anymore. Explain that this may make them look very different than they used to. If your grandmother’s sickness has caused her to lose her hair or a lot of weight, you may want to talk about this beforehand. Be sure to lay it all out in a calm, non-threatening way. If you appear to be anxious or fearful, your children will pick up on this and it will cause them to feel afraid.
If your grandmother is a Christian, you can also point out that she will be getting a brand-new body in heaven. Tell the kids that this new body will never get sick or die. Bear in mind, however, that most young children don’t have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts like death and eternity. There’s a good chance that they won’t fully understand what is happening to your grandmother. So keep the discussion simple. Gear it to your children’s needs and their level of maturity and insight. Most of all, focus on God’s promise of eternal life to all who believe in Jesus. It’s vital to concentrate on this hopeful aspect of death.
Our staff counselors would be pleased to discuss your situation with you over the phone. Don’t hesitate to call us.
Resources
If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.
It’s Okay to Cry: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children Through the Losses of Life
Helping Children Through Grief (resource list)
Articles
How to Help Your Child Grieve
