A Guy’s Guide to Romance

By Bill Farrel
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Most guys have only a vague idea what romance really means to their wives. But romancing your wife doesn't have to be complicated. Bill Farrel found something that eliminates the guesswork and stress.

“I wish you were more romantic.” Ever heard those words? If you’re like most husbands, I’ll bet you have. Probably more than once. Those words are about as pleasant as “You need to go to the dentist.”

Let’s face it. Most of us have only a vague idea what romance really means to our wives. Besides, who has time to be Romeo when the kids have soccer practice and the demands at work never let up?

Fortunately, romancing your wife isn’t as complicated — or as time-consuming — as we make it out to be. In fact, I’ve stumbled across something that eliminates the guesswork and stress: romantic rituals.

What is a romantic ritual? It is a simple act you do on a regular basis to let your wife know how much she matters to you. Creating a romantic ritual is one of the best ways to touch your wife’s heart while you work a job and raise a family.

My wife, Pam, and I have done one such ritual since the early days of our relationship. Before we eat a meal, we pray together, and right after we pray, we kiss. It doesn’t take much effort, but it conveys to Pam that she is special to me.

This simple act has an even bigger impact when I do it in public. She gets the message that I delight in her and want others to know it.

Other examples of romantic rituals I have been told are:

  • “We say, ‘I love you,’ every time we hand car keys to each other.”
  • “We kiss any time we hear running water.”
  • “I bring her coffee in bed every morning with a note that says, ‘I love you.’ “

Of course, these rituals do not replace taking your wife on a date or surprising her with flowers, but they create the type of environment that regularly affirms your love.

How do you find a ritual that will work? Step 1: Choose an activity that you do often, such as getting the mail, walking through the front door or washing the dishes. Step 2: Add a romantic element, such as a kiss, a note or a statement of affection. Step 3: Commit to do it no matter how you feel or how your day is going. The power is in the consistency.

If you happen to get a great idea for an over-the-top romantic surprise, take advantage of it. But while you are waiting for that inspiration to hit, build a ritual that gives your wife the romance she craves.

Copyright © 2010 by Bill Farrel. Used by permission.

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Bill Farrel

Bill Farrel is an international speaker and co-author of the best-selling books Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti and The Marriage Code. He holds a Masters of Divinity in Practical Theology with an emphasis on counseling, and is a former small group pastor at Shadow Mountain Community Church in El Cajon, Calif. Bill and his wife, Pam, have …

Thank you [field id="first_name"] for signing up to get the free downloads of the Marrying Well Guides. 

Click the image below to access your guide and learn about the counter-cultural, biblical concepts of intentionality, purity, community and Christian compatibility.

(For best results use IE 8 or higher, Firefox, Chrome or Safari)

To stay up-to-date with the latest from Boundless, sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

If you have any comments or questions about the information included in the Guide, please send them to [email protected]

Click here to return to Boundless

Focus on the Family

Thank you for submitting this form. You will hear from us soon. 

The Daily Citizen

The Daily Citizen from Focus on the Family exists to be your most trustworthy news source. Our team of analysts is devoted to giving you timely and relevant analysis of current events and cultural trends – all from a biblical worldview – so that you can be inspired and assured that the information you share with others comes from a reliable source.

Alive to Thrive is a biblical guide to preventing teen suicide. Anyone who interacts with teens can learn how to help prevent suicidal thinking through sound practical and clinical advice, and more importantly, biblical principles that will provide a young person with hope in Christ.

Bring Your Bible to School Day Logo Lockup with the Words Beneath

Every year on Bring Your Bible to School Day, students across the nation celebrate religious freedom and share God’s love with their friends. This event is designed to empower students to express their belief in the truth of God’s Word–and to do so in a respectful way that demonstrates the love of Christ.

Focus on the Family’s® Foster Care and Adoption program focuses on two main areas:

  • Wait No More events, which educate and empower families to help waiting kids in foster care

  • Post-placement resources for foster and adoptive families

Christian Counselors Network

Find Christian Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers and Psychiatrists near you! Search by location, name or specialty to find professionals in Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network who are eager to assist you.

Boundless is a Focus on the Family community for Christian young adults who want to pursue faith, relationships and adulthood with confidence and joy.

Through reviews, articles and discussions, Plugged In exists to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving you and your family the essential tools you need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which we live.

Have you been looking for a way to build your child’s faith in a fun and exciting way?
Adventures in Odyssey® audio dramas will do just that. Through original audio stories brought to life by actors who make you feel like part of the experience; these fictional, character-building dramas use storytelling to teach lasting truths.

Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored all-inclusive intensives offer marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their marriage, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce.