Mile Markers on the Path From Hurt to Hope

By Meg Wilson
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
After your spouse confesses a pornography addiction, you might feel stuck. The journey to healing starts by acknowledging that you’re not alone. Here are some mile markers to guide you along the way.

After my husband confessed his sexual betrayal, I felt as if I were living in a blackout. My first response was to sit in a corner and cry. I was constantly on edge even in my own house, as if any step might bring a new stab of pain.

I wished desperately to go back to the way things were before the lights went out. Some days I lashed out at anything or anyone who got too close — even God. Why hadn’t He protected me? Why had He let me marry this man? Why?

But I couldn’t begin the journey to hope and healing by sitting in a dark corner. I prayed for the lights to come back on. Slowly, I began to realize that although the glow that once lit my home was gone, God — the true Light — was not. I had to believe that God was working through my darkness.

The first mile marker on the journey to healing was the realization that God was whispering in the darkness, inviting me to let Him work in the midst of my pain. The first glimmers of hope came as the Lord assured me of His presence, that I was not alone. He sent people to speak truth to me, and His Word encouraged me.

Forming new habits

Step one got me moving out of the darkness, but many hurdles lay ahead. I had to sift through a lifetime of bad habits. This was a tedious process, one I still find myself struggling with when pain returns.

One of the first habits to go was my tendency to make excuses for my husband’s poor behavior. I thought I was extending grace, but in reality I was enabling him to remain in unhealthy patterns. For example, after my husband and I had a conflict, I would say things like, “He didn’t know what he was doing.” or “The injury wasn’t intentional.” God showed me these statements were not true grace; they were minimizing what had happened and cost me my voice while enabling my husband’s poor care of me to continue.

Creating new habits took time. I had to learn God’s rules for healthy living and put them into practice. The lies that had guided my life for years felt like truth to me. They were even clothed in what I thought were good intentions. I asked the Lord to reveal His truth and shine His light on my self-deceptions. Only then could they be replaced.

Choosing reactions

The second mile marker came when I realized how my own actions and choices contributed to my emotional pain. I knew I was not at fault for the choices my husband made, and it would have been easy to think of myself as an innocent victim. But God gently showed me that though I was not responsible for others’ choices, I was responsible for my reactions. I, too, had a sin nature to deal with. To claim total innocence would be to miss the work God wanted to do in me. Just as my husband could not blame me for his choices, I could not excuse my bitter and judgmental thoughts because of what he had done. We are all broken and in need of a Savior.

I learned this the hard way. At a support group for wives of sex addicts, I made a joke, saying, “I wish I had married a sinner like me.” We all laughed because compared to the choices our husbands had made, we didn’t look so bad. Later, I sensed the Lord say to me, “You know those ‘little’ sins of yours? They cost the same precious blood from My Son as your husband’s sins.” My heart broke. There are no big or little sinners, just a world of broken people in need of Christ’s healing.

Helping others on the journey

I reached a third milestone when I began looking back on the path I had walked with God. Praising Him for the journey led me into deeper relationship with Him — and then I saw something else. All around me, other women were sitting, hiding or crying in the darkness. I could not keep moving forward without extending a hand to those desperate for hope. God had not brought me out of the darkness just for my own sake. Over time and after gaining stability, He called me to write out a road map for others to follow.

I am often asked why I stay and minister in the shadows of sexual addiction. There are times when I wonder, Am I done yet? And then a woman writes or calls me, and I hear her pain. All I can do is tell her what the Lord has done for me and remind her that He can do the same, and more, for her. To see the darkness of betrayal pierced by the light of His truth is a great gift. And it’s an incredible honor to give the comfort I’ve received to those who are hurting. I offer women a marker, a place to begin their journey toward hope and healing.

I’ve reached a new milestone recently: looking for more markers. I seek out those whose walk with the Lord I admire, people who are honest and transparent about their struggles, who are brave and willing to point out a dark spot in my life. I look for safe people who point me to the truth. Just as I seek to help others on the journey behind me, I’ve learned to keep my eyes on those ahead to show me the way toward the Truth and the Light, Jesus Christ.

Meg Wilson is the founder of Hope After Betrayal Ministries, a nonprofit named for her book of the same name.

There is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

Get Started>>

© 2018 Meg Wilson. All rights reserved. Originally published on

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Meg Wilson

Meg Wilson is the founder of Hope After Betrayal Ministries, a nonprofit named for her book of the same name .

You May Also Like

Thank you [field id="first_name"] for signing up to get the free downloads of the Marrying Well Guides. 

Click the image below to access your guide and learn about the counter-cultural, biblical concepts of intentionality, purity, community and Christian compatibility.

(For best results use IE 8 or higher, Firefox, Chrome or Safari)

To stay up-to-date with the latest from Boundless, sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

If you have any comments or questions about the information included in the Guide, please send them to [email protected]

Click here to return to Boundless

Focus on the Family

Thank you for submitting this form. You will hear from us soon. 

The Daily Citizen

The Daily Citizen from Focus on the Family exists to be your most trustworthy news source. Our team of analysts is devoted to giving you timely and relevant analysis of current events and cultural trends – all from a biblical worldview – so that you can be inspired and assured that the information you share with others comes from a reliable source.

Alive to Thrive is a biblical guide to preventing teen suicide. Anyone who interacts with teens can learn how to help prevent suicidal thinking through sound practical and clinical advice, and more importantly, biblical principles that will provide a young person with hope in Christ.

Bring Your Bible to School Day Logo Lockup with the Words Beneath

Every year on Bring Your Bible to School Day, students across the nation celebrate religious freedom and share God’s love with their friends. This event is designed to empower students to express their belief in the truth of God’s Word–and to do so in a respectful way that demonstrates the love of Christ.

Focus on the Family’s® Foster Care and Adoption program focuses on two main areas:

  • Wait No More events, which educate and empower families to help waiting kids in foster care

  • Post-placement resources for foster and adoptive families

Christian Counselors Network

Find Christian Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers and Psychiatrists near you! Search by location, name or specialty to find professionals in Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network who are eager to assist you.

Boundless is a Focus on the Family community for Christian young adults who want to pursue faith, relationships and adulthood with confidence and joy.

Through reviews, articles and discussions, Plugged In exists to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving you and your family the essential tools you need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which we live.

Have you been looking for a way to build your child’s faith in a fun and exciting way?
Adventures in Odyssey® audio dramas will do just that. Through original audio stories brought to life by actors who make you feel like part of the experience; these fictional, character-building dramas use storytelling to teach lasting truths.

Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored all-inclusive intensives offer marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their marriage, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce.