Part of the Moving Forward After a Miscarriage or Stillbirth: Healing Your Broken Heart Series
Tears streamed down my face as I choked out the questions:
How can this be? What happened to my baby? Why isn’t there a heartbeat?
The doctor said he'd know more after labor and delivery, but those answers never came. There was no obvious medical reason for our baby's death.
During the year that followed I was flooded with feelings of overwhelming sadness, guilt and anger. I'd never experienced all-consuming grief before.
I had no idea where to start or how to heal my broken heart. My husband and I grieved differently, which left us both feeling very alone in our pain.
People around me meant well and sincerely wanted to help. They tried to say the right things, but they often made matters worse. Sometimes their unsolicited advice was like salt in a wound.
I know how dark and lonely grief can be. No one told me the path would be this confusing, this steep, this rocky, or go on so much longer than what “they say” it would.
I made some mistakes along the way that didn’t help my healing. I wish someone had warned me.
But you don’t have to make the same blunders I did.
When life cracks your heart wide open, you’re prone to run and hide. And why wouldn’t you? You are biologically designed to give birth, become a mother and raise children. That’s why this kind of loss rocks you to the core like nothing else.
When you lose a baby during pregnancy, not only do you have to accept the fact that you’re not going to bring your baby home, you also have to deal with massive hormone shifts and unpredictable emotions that hit you like a wave you never saw coming.
Grief is overwhelming because you’re dealing with a reality you don’t want to embrace. At times you feel guilty for even wanting to feel better – like it somehow betrays the precious life you’ve lost.
It may be difficult to believe that you’ll ever experience joy again, but you can and you will.
Remember, God specializes in things we think are impossible.
There’s no better time than now to give your heart the proper care and attention it needs. And there’s no better place to be than with people who have been right where you are – who know the healing path and who can help you stay the course into brighter tomorrows.
There’s no need to travel alone.